Yep, I know what you are saying

Happens to me every. single. cycle.

I can't let the disappointment get to me... Trust me, I have been broken by TTC, but I now can't focus on the negatives. I NEED to believe that it will happen.

TTC is the most challenging thing I've ever done and it has changed me. But instead of thinking badly about my journey now, I know that the nervous feeling just before AF arrives, will soon be replaced by the excited, exhilarating, mind blowing feeling that a BFP will bring.

And I know you will feel the same very soon Hun. The Universe is shining on you xo
So true Nic. Without hope you have nothing.

Me too, and having a child doesn't "undo" that, it is still a part of you. I have so much more empathy now, for people who have dreams and desires that seem just out of reach. It has also changed my expectations, and my willingness to enjoy life right here and now, and not put life on hold waiting for what you are planning in the future.

I manage OK by being productive and using distraction (like trying to sell a house, it needs to be a big distraction LOL).

That nervous feeling... well I was getting comfortable as a TTC'er, I knew how to play that game, but pregnancy was a whole nother ball game, I felt like I didn't belong there.

Sorry, rambling, not sure this is making sense, but and I hope the hope remains alive in you and you are celebrating your bfp soon.
Certainly doesn't help when you have had a child (like I have). If anything, it makes you more cautious (not sure if that is the correct word) and if you have been pg & suffered m/c, well that is a whole different part of it too.

It's like I live my life in stages sometimes. Week 1 (AF), Week 2 (BD, hoping I O), Week 3 (looking for pg signs) Week 4 (test, then usually waiting for AF all over again)

My GF believes alot of it is mental blockages and I think that too. I think I just don't want to get my hopes up only for them to be dashed, time & time again (well 25 times to be exact).