Anyone else ashamed?

**Tinks** · November 2nd, 2012, 08:04 PM

I got screamed at too. And had "military style" room inspections. I've had dishes thrown at me that weren't dry enough and I've had every single piece of my clothing thrown on the lawn because I "stuffed" my folded clothes away in a draw instead of put away nicely. I've also been screamed at not to bleed on my mothers carpet (I got a blood nose after being shoved in my room for not cleaning it properly and hit my nose on some furniture). And yet after all that housework related psycho I still envy a stepford palace. I actually envy those with OCD. I am truly broken in the head when it comes to a clean house.

Are you sure we didn't have the same mother?

**Jellyfish** · November 2nd, 2012, 08:29 PM

I used to be really embarrassed that every time my mum came over she would do a load of washing or clean the bathroom or vacuum as though she was saying "hey, this should really have been done by now" but then one day I broke down, it was after DD2 was born and said I feel like I can never stay on top of everything and mentioned how it made me feel when she always brought over cleaning supplies and 'helped out'. She was shocked! She said that I'm a brilliant mum who is focusing on the important parts, she just wants to make things easier.

Now I'm not too fussed and my house is always pretty clean, my mum visits a lot lol.

**Rouge** · November 2nd, 2012, 09:20 PM

Are you sure we didn't have the same mother?

You have my sympathies Tinks.

**Tinks** · November 2nd, 2012, 09:47 PM

and you have mine.

**misty** · November 23rd, 2012, 07:21 PM

My house is a huge mess. When people pop round unannounced I stand in the doorway and talk to them. I live in fear of what a DOCs worker would have to say! But you know what? We have a tiny house and six people living here - four of them under the age of 7! And I LOATH housework at the best of times, let alone when I know it's just going to get messed again immediately. We simply dont have the space or the storage or the desire to stay on top of it. I figure I'll have plenty of time for a clean house when the kids have left home.

**LimeSlice** · November 23rd, 2012, 07:40 PM

When I am having a bad day...

hoarders.jpg

I have a really small house now, and mess and dirt makes my head spin. It isn't always pristine, but I can't function if my floors are crunchy and there is dirty washing or dishes everywhere.
Most of my tidying gets done at night though, after the kids are in bed, so all visitors welcome after 7pm!

**Smoke Jaguar** · November 23rd, 2012, 07:53 PM

I win.
Even if my 'house' IS tidy, people coming around have to contend with a composting loo...it's the 'weekender' type, so you can see the last deposits if the last depositor didn't sprinkle sugar cane mulch on it! It's a bit confronting for country and city people alike, because most people are used to flushing loos.
Add to this that we are still currently unplumbed and we have one tap with water coming through it - outside, along the wall, and it was only recently rejigged by DP to have a sink under it. I love my new 'mod con'!
We have great sinks in the kitchen and a gorgeous, very expensive tap (a freebie from a friend who scored it and never needed it in her home)...with buckets under the outlets that we empty after every dish wash.
Friends come over and flip the mixer and look very confused, till they remember the buckets!
Living in a partitioned and not-quite-finished cow shed is a great adventure for our kids and us, but I'm conscious that it's not exactly 'the dream' of a farm house people think of. However, visiting people are told it's a cowshed in progress and for that reason I never apologise for it. If we can LIVE in it full time, our few visitors, who have the heads up already, can just deal

**Gigi** · November 23rd, 2012, 10:30 PM

Of course a child always vanishes into a closed room or my children throw themselves in front of a door and scream "you can't go in there. Mummy hasn't tidied since the dinosaurs were alive"

ONYX, you are so funny, thanks for the giggle!

i cannot have anyone over, know i need help but don't know how to get that help. The place is tiny and i don't know how to organise the rooms with furniture, so overwhelmed about what to keep, what to get rid of. Know i need to get "small house furniture" to suit this place, but unsure what to get. So many doorways - 3 in tiny loungeroom, unusable walls due to quirky place. E.g unsafe nonworking gas fire takes up one third of one wall. Have made small attempts, e.g got rid of long three seater sofa, replaced with smaller sofa. but that was a huge drama (the transport of it).

Due to my own allergies, i would like to be able to clean better too, so hard to clean when so much is on the floor. Electrical cord dangers and constantly tripping up, i know it's bad. I'm trying to make the small rooms do too much, like making my bedroom into sewing room, study, sleep area and clothing area. The room can't cope but i don't know what else to do.

i laugh about "keeping public areas", ALL my home is public area, it's so small. If you walk to the kitchen, you have already seen or are looking at entire place. So to invite a visitor in, i feel naked, they are seeing all of this, so shameful. I can't hide anything. Bilby wants to have playdates, apart from the fact of where we live making it not possible, i couldn't let school mums see where we live, and the kids and me and the mum would be in the same metreage the whole time anyway. Tried it once (kindy age), made me so anxious, the noise, the claustrophic feeling of four people in little space, two kids bouncing off the walls. i trip over things when it's just me at home, let alone more people in the mix.

**Chrispe** · November 23rd, 2012, 11:25 PM

I used to be ashamed, my standard of living is not what it used to be pre-kids. But then I remember I have a 8yo, a 6yo, a 2yo and a new baby. No time for much housework here. (DH does most of the dishes and vacuuming thank goodness)
Also I figure if my friends can't handle me in my 'natural environment' then that's their bad luck.

House is generally clean, just not tidy.

**Gigi** · November 24th, 2012, 08:10 AM

When I take photos of the kids or whatever I try to stand so the camera is pointing in the less messiest place as possible.

giggles, same.

**kateo** · November 24th, 2012, 09:20 AM

I do a bit of this and that as I go. I come from a family of "Swiss" housekeepers and my house is by far the messiest. I'd love to have a good excuse like lots of kids or a full time job but I only have one living toddler and a part time job and horses and a small farm to look after.
My place is generally neatish, and fairly clean....I am a bit thingy about keeping the loo clean. Beds are made most days and washing is folded and shoved away.
I always apologize for the mess when people arrive but since I have been in a mothers group I have been to a couple of other peoples houses and I have seen that my place is not too bad.
I guess I will never have the energy or interest to achieve that pristine scrubbed look of my mothers and aunties houses................
It's been quite an eye opener actually. MIL always has her house about the same as my mum....ready for an open house......her two daughters live in total pigsty's........she didn't give them cleaning skills just did it for them.
I have let myself off the hook a bit more lately and haven;t dusted for a couple of weeks.............it's what I should be doing now

**Gigi** · November 24th, 2012, 09:25 AM

I used to be really embarrassed that every time my mum came over she would do a load of washing or clean the bathroom or vacuum as though she was saying "hey, this should really have been done by now" but then one day I broke down, it was after DD2 was born and said I feel like I can never stay on top of everything and mentioned how it made me feel when she always brought over cleaning supplies and 'helped out'. She was shocked! She said that I'm a brilliant mum who is focusing on the important parts, she just wants to make things easier.

Now I'm not too fussed and my house is always pretty clean, my mum visits a lot lol.

sounds like a nice mum, glad you called her on it, so topic could be clarified. She was doing it as an act of love, but you were worried it was an act of judgement. Great that's been sorted out.

**Smoke Jaguar** · November 25th, 2012, 12:42 PM

My mum told me I SHOULD apologise to people for the mess of my house and the fact that it's a cowshed. She's charming. Disapproves of just about everything about this life and thinks the kids are suffering for it.
On the upside, DP is working on the indoor shower today. Might even have one by Christmas. Then the bathroom will have to be cleared from all the junk I keep chucking in there when people come over and there's nowhere to sit!

**Butterfly Dawn** · November 25th, 2012, 02:13 PM

My mum once told me she had never seen a place a disgusting as mine and the health dept should give me a warning. *Sigh* it wasn't really that bad but there was construction going on next to us so every day the house would get coated in a film on grime. And then I had been sick -in bed sick, which is why she come to "help"

Decluttering is our thing. Still have too much crap but its 1000% better then a year a go

I'll send mum a pic after the cleaner has been tomorrow to show her some new things but she'll comment negatively on something

**Calluna** · November 25th, 2012, 03:36 PM

Urgh. Yes. SO ashamed. My house is disgusting. It has been for months. We had a bout of sickness here that lasted about 3 months and since then I just cannot get on top of it. And when I do finally think I might be getting somewhere either DS or I get sick again.
I am not a healthy person when my house is a mess. It makes me depressed. Which makes it harder to clean. Not a good cycle to be stuck in!

**Tinks** · November 25th, 2012, 04:15 PM

My mum drives into my driveway and beeps for me to go out to her. It doesn't matter how clean my house is, she thinks it's disgusting and doesn't want to come inside. My Dad comes in and walks around til he finds a messy spot, cracks the poos and leaves in a huff.