my DP and I viewed making sure DS was "looked after" as one full time job, DP's work as one full time job, and the housework we had to share.

It really is a full time job with a 9 month old, espec because bub is normally a bit more clingy then previous months. The time it takes to do several nappy changes, clothes changes, generally cleaning after bubs feeds, kitchen/bench cleans, finding time to eat yourself when bub finally lets you, sitting for 5 seconds when bub finally lets you etc. Its hard and it would be harder if my DP worked the hours you do. I'm not having a go, just that people really underestimate the energy it takes. If my DP was to say to me 'why havent you done this, or that' or 'what have you been doing all day' seriously most days I would have nothing to say apart from 'the baby has clothes on and is fed'. Some days as a SAHM it feels like I accomplish nothing other then that.

We are both great at multi tasking now, or doing tasks together, such as before I put the towels/washer/handtowels in the wash I quickly wet one and use it to wipe down the benches in the bathroom. when Ds is eating breakfast I sweep, etc.

he does need to find his own routine, the problem that I found is that just as I got into a routine bub would grow and change and what worked 2 weeks ago doesnt anymore because bub is now crawling, getting into more things, teething, sick etc. Hope you both find something that works for you, in the meantime try to stay focused on the fact your bub is well loved and cared for - the rest will fall into place soon enough.