thread: List of chores for DP...what do you think?

  1. #1
    Registered User

    Oct 2008
    Canning Vale, Perth
    1,318

    Question List of chores for DP...what do you think?

    Hi all

    Well baby is almost here and im abit stressed about being stuck doing everything. DP works 6 days a week but says he is happy to start doing a bit around here, only problem is i ask him and he forgets and then i nag and he gets angry...being a boy i think he just doesnt realise certain things need doing e.g. vacuuming doesnt do itself...so i have written a list and going to leave it out for him....i just wanted some opinions on whether you think its too much/not enough/your experiences with your DP/DH.

    please note he doesnt do any chores at the moment except take the bins out on bin day and occasionally carry the washing basket out to the line for me cause im too fat to pick it up now!

    LIST OF THINGS YOU CAN DO WHEN BABY ARRIVES

    - put your dirty clothes straight into laundry basket (usually they are wherever he took them off)
    - vaccuum house once a week
    - dishes twice a week
    - help hang wet washing/bring in dry washing (i will fold and put away)
    - reheat frozen dinners e.g. cook up fresh batch pasta and defrost sauce ive pre made
    - run up grocery store for bits n pieces we need (will provide him a list)
    - after 4 weeks - provide baby with bottle of EBM in evening (so i can have a rest)

    so what do you guys think?


  2. #2
    Registered User

    Apr 2008
    4,427

    perfect, oh and add take rubbish out and put bins out.

  3. #3
    Registered User

    Jan 2009
    hiding under my desk!
    1,432

    just a quick comment on the EBM giving you wont get much of a rest as you will still have to express that feed. otherwise your supply can be affected.

    what about instead when he gets home he takes baby for 1/2 hour(unless asleep) so you can do what you feel you need to do.. not nessacaraly a chore but most men dont think to do it..

  4. #4
    Registered User

    Jan 2006
    Sydney
    2,212

    what about instead when he gets home he takes baby for 1/2 hour(unless asleep) so you can do what you feel you need to do.. not nessacaraly a chore but most men dont think to do it..
    And it gives you time to have a shower .......... on your own!!! Bliss

  5. #5
    Registered User

    Mar 2007
    Paradise
    4,473

    Well done hun. Can I suggest you stick it to the fridge, or inside the fridge on top of his favourite food or drink? I would also suggest that you title it 'List of things I Need you to help with when the baby arrives' as it gives him less choice in the matter. You could also write a full list of every chore that needs to be done (not the same list) and if he says that he has done everything on his list, then you can ask him to help with the big list too. And when you have visitors the big list is there for them to see what needs doing too.

  6. #6
    Registered User

    Dec 2007
    Taking a ride on my grdonkey :D
    2,716

    The list looks pretty good to me!! Nothing terribly compliacted or taxing, but if he manages to accomplish even a few of those things (and let's face it lol, men tend to 'forget' to do some things, or think that completing half the chores that have been set equals 'job well done' lol) it will give you a break and take a big weight off your shoulders!!
    Good idea re the feeds too - yes, you will still have to go to the effort of expressing so you're not 'skipping' feeds, but at least you can go into another room, watch some TV in peace and quiet and relax while you're doing it, kwim??

    I'd also look at getting him to do some baby-related things, like helping out with/taking charge of bathing after a while - bathing is something bubs usually LOVE doing, and it can really help with daddy-bonding to do an activity that not only serves a purpose, but keeps baby happy - it makes him feel more secure in his parenting ability if he can manage a task related to bubs without the baby cracking a tanty, kwim?? lol
    And now that mine's older, she knows the routine - as soon as DH walks through the door and puts the kettle on in the afternoons, DD starts stripping her clothes off and getting ready for the shower with Dad she knows she's going to get once he's had a cuppa and a cigarette lol I still have to dress her, but she likes splashing around in the bathtub while dad cleans himself up, and it gives me a few minutes to start getting dinner prepared
    So for the first few weeks, it's tricky because they're such tiny, slippery little things, try doing it together until you get the hang of it and Jade gets used to bathing (you may think you can trust DP but I promise as soon as she arrives you will be convinced he's going to find some accidental way to kill her!! So tackling bathtime together helps because you can watch him, correct him, monitor his 'progress' and then decide when he can do bathtime without you being there to rescue the baby hahah), and then if he is willing to do the evening bath, even just a few nights a week, there's some more free time and less work for yourself

  7. #7
    Lucy in the sky with diamonds.

    Jan 2005
    Funky Town, Vic
    7,070

    The only thing I would do is change the heading - take off the part 'when baby arrives'! He may as well start helping now!

    Same as Doudou not totally related, but I wouldn't worry about expressing so early, it can be really hard xoxoxo

  8. #8
    Registered User
    Add krysalyss on Facebook

    Feb 2007
    on the move.....
    2,745

    I think it looks ok but I would put in more baby related stuff. Honestly sometimes you want to do housework just so you can get a small break from baby. Plus it is the day to day stuff that can really help him bond with the bub. I would put in something like:
    Bathe the baby
    Take the baby for 1/2 hour when he gets home
    Burp and get the baby to sleep after the evening feed.
    Or some things a long those lines. Hope this helps!

  9. #9
    Registered User

    Dec 2006
    In my own private paradise
    15,272

    i would also add non-specific something - not sure how to word it, but if he sees something that needs doing, do it! if you give him a list, and he does what is on it and ONLY what is on it, you're still leaving yourself a hell of a lot to do... Ali's idea of the "full list" will help him and anyone else that turns up to help to have an idea what to do. it will also help YOU cos you can look at it and realise that, as much as it was done in dribs and drabs, you HAVE achieved things during the day - even if it's just loading and unloading the dishwasher or a load of washing...

    i would also not restrict his "duties" around food to just reheating stuff you have prepared in advance - he may not know how to cook now (i haven't read much on this with your DP) - but he can sure as hell learn! even if he just peels vegies for you - those little bits and pieces help HEAPS. i have no drama making DH 6L of food in the slow cooker for him to take to work - but i'm more able to achieve it when he helps peel the vegies...

  10. #10
    Registered User
    Add Footsteps on Facebook

    Mar 2008
    Waterloo, Merseyside, UK
    2,543

    i agree with everything. good luck xxx

  11. #11
    Registered User

    Oct 2008
    Canning Vale, Perth
    1,318

    thanks for your feedback guys
    i have alot of anxiety surrounding housework so i mainly made a housework list so that when baby arrives we can then decide how to split things up e.g.him bathing her etc.
    i showed him the list when he got home from work and he groaned but agreed to it, and stuck it to the fridge himself,
    as for the if you see something, do it, LOL
    hes the kind of person who wouldnt mind wearing clothes that havent been washed in weeks and think the house only needs to be vacuumed before rent inspections.
    maybe i am abit too anal about it all, cause he said 'i would get around to putting clothes in washing basket/doing dishes etc but you always do it straight away'... which is true, i cant walk in the house without it annoying me so much i fix it all...

    maybe i will take out the EBM part and put bath baby instead. even though he thinks showering is only a weekly necessity im sure he will bath a stinky baby!!!

  12. #12
    DoubleK Guest

    i reckon thats a pretty reasonable list!

    my dp isnt much of a housework person, but would quite happily cook dinner if i asked him. and i would prefer to do the washing and have him cook anyways! lol

    good luck and i hope he sticks to his list! perhaps mention to him that eventually you'll take the list down and he'll have to remember what needs doing etc

  13. #13
    Registered User

    Feb 2007
    VICTORIA
    261

    We tried a checkilst with everyones duties on it... laminated it and stuck it to the fridge, unfortunately it didn't really work and is still stuck there 12???? months later! LOL

    I know what you mean about the nagging, I feel bad asking and asking too, so often end up just doing it myself...

  14. #14
    Registered User

    Mar 2008
    Nth West Melbourne
    997

    I think your list is fine. I just have one suggestion about the "how" of it. I've done a million lists with DH and he has not followed them. This has lead to much angst, along the "I'm not your mother, why should I have to punish you for not doing your chores?" line. Ugh.

    But I think we finally have a system which is working a bit better and, with my DH at least, its all about scheduling. I literally have to put up a board (whiteboard, corkboard whatever) with the days listed and what he needs to do each day. He can then rub them off/ take them off when he does them. He seems to like the sense of accomplishment and like knowing when he has to do certain things. Its a bit of a pain for me, cuz I have to do the scheduling each week, but waaaaaaaay easier than nagging him about getting things done!

    HTH, good luck with it all!

  15. #15
    Registered User

    Oct 2008
    Canning Vale, Perth
    1,318

    amberj: unfortunately my DP wouldnt follow something like that, i wouldnt hear the end of it 'why does friday have to be dishes day' blah blah blah.....but glad it works for u guys!!!
    we had a chat today and he said that hed rather bath a squirmy poo-ey baby than do dishes so asked if he can bath her while i do dishes which i happily agreed to with a smirk....oooh just wait til he sees those nappies he will be diving in the kitchen sink!

  16. #16
    Registered User

    Apr 2009
    in the garden
    3,767

    Good Luck!

    I agree with Lulu, get him to start now... not only do you need the help now, you don't want to be dealing with a new baby & trying to get him to 'learn' this as well!
    And Briggsy's girl is right too, you have left a lot for yourself to do there... maybe you don't want to overwhelm him I guess.. but whatever you do don't feel bad about asking for help!
    I would definitely add something that gives you 'time out', get him to take a walk with bub for an hour or so, twice a week?

    I don't think you are being anal, I just think it is the difference between men & women (or to be fair, between any two people!)

    And let him know you reserve the right to change the list! not to be difficult or anything, just that you don't always know ahead of time what is going to work & what you will need. Perhaps you could call this a trial list?