Donor Conception General Chatter # 9

[Malyna]

Kerry, welcome to the group. I hope you do have the opportunity of having a baby in your arms soon.

Lieve - you take care with the m/s. Try and keep your fliuds up. Yep our nursery (of sorts) is set up, basically it is a cot, changetable (my consession to DH) and a bookcase (instead of a cupboard).. but bubs won't mind

Blizz -awwwww.. you say the sweetest things hun.. right back at ya little miss inspirational!

to all in donor land

Gargy - how are you travelling hun?

[SD2001]

My question is - i think we both prefer to go with a known donor, but how do you ask someone? And I'd be interested to hear from you girls, how you made the decision to go with either known or anonymous - what things factored into it for you.

Hi Lieve,

I am not one of the girls but I can give advice from what I know about donors.

Depending on which state your clinic is in you will most likely find that there are no true anonymous donors anymore. While you may not know or meet the donor at the time of conception, you will generally have the ability to contact (and maybe meet) the donor at any time after the birth of your child or in 16 to 18 years time.

So your decision is probably better to be based on this question: Do you want the biological father to play a big part in the life of your child? If so then you need to find a relative (on your husbands side) or a friend willing to donate and do that. On the other hand, if you do not want the biological father to play a big part in the life of your child then use a donor at a clinic who is willing to be contacted in the future so that way you have the choice of contacting the donor if your child or you ever wish to do so.

My last bit of advice ... please remember to say "Thank you" to the donor via a card or a message. Remember that he is an altruistic donor, so he will appreciate the fact that you are grateful for the good thing he has done for you.

[blizz]

Melbourne weather sucks!...way too hot, the out side temp measured 47 degrees on both my aunt and uncles 'seperate' cars.

That is a very valid point SD and I am going to talk to DH tomorrow about sending a card and bottle of wine through our fetility clinic to our donor, Honestly have never thought to do it

this is how I got on in Melbourne if you were wondering...

Yesterday I had a day trip to Melbourne for a family funeral so due to the high heat and the fact that I needed to take Angus with me, I decided not to stay overnight but to travel during the day.
Virgin flight was great in the morning, no complications.
The weather in Melbourne was extremely warm (you poor Melbourne people) and after an exhausting day of trying to keep myself and Angus cool and happy under very stressful circumstances we return to the airport for a 6:15 flight with JetStar.
When I checked in they told me that I was to be seated seperately from my parents who were seated in an exit row, but that there would be a spare seat next to me that they would do their best to keep free...fair enough wasn't worried, as I walked down the eisle to find my seat counting the rows I find it!..... the middle seat sandwiched between two young men, the looks on one of the mens faces said it all, I made light of the situation and said 'sorry looks like you drew the short straw', one rolled his eyes and lookewd away the other was extremely friendly and helpful thankfully,even comenting "it's only natural" when I explained that I would have to breastfeed.
I was mortified having to breast feed Angus between these two men I know you are entiltled to feed any where any time but this was an awful position to be placed in at the end of a very hot and stressful day.
I am greatful to the young man who graciously offered to help me with my seat belt and offered to hold the baby for me.he made the day that had started at 2:30am that morning at least end with out the tears I would have shed otherwise.
needless to say Virgin will be getting all of our business from now on!



it is way too hot!!!

[Malyna]

Oh Blizz, hun I would have felt exactly the same way! The guy who helped you, sounded really gracious in the way he handled the situation. I hate sitting between two men on planes and I hate sitting on non-exit rows, or where there is no space to spread out a bit more!

Sorry to hear you had to go to melbourne in the terrible heat for a funeral Love you hun

[SD2001]

That is a very valid point SD and I am going to talk to DH tomorrow about sending a card and bottle of wine through our fetility clinic to our donor, Honestly have never thought to do it

Blizz, I am sure your donor will appreciate the card very much. Not sure if the bottle of wine is necessary.

[Caramello]

Hey lovely ladies and gentlemen!

Just dropping in quickly to say that I miss you all and I'll catch up with you soon.

(As per usual - life has become hectic again!)

I'll try for next weekend!

Take care

[Lieve]

Thanks girls for your answers. SD001 - you're so right about sending some kind of 'thank you' gesture to the donor, I agree a card goes without saying, and can imagine if i was a donor, how valued that would make me feel. I can also see though how many people could forget or not just think about it or not sure even if it's the right thing to do - would the donor want communication so soon, etc???, so I guess it's something that the nurses should really be on top of - and they should be suggesting it to donor recipients. When we met with our consellor the other week, she mentioned it, and we're not even that far along the process yet!

So last week DH asked a good friend of his, and his response was beautiful. He will take a while to think it through before he says yes or no, but the fact that he is even seriously considering it and is willing to talk to us about it means so much. I feel better now and a tad excited that we're back on the 'forward moving' train.

We're also drafting up an email of our concerns with the last cycle and 'what next' questions to my FS who is back from holidays this week. The lastest one being the doc who did DH's biopsy ringing us on saturday night to ask whether we'd paid our biopsy bill (we paid it upfront)!!! Anyway, you've got to laugh

Have a good week everyone, and thank god for the coolish change in melbourne.

[Joy08]

Hi Everyone

I know I have asked this question before & I am sorry if I annoy anyone! I was just wondering when you told your friends about using a donor? We have told our immediate families but we are still struggling on when is the best time to tell our friends. I thought before we got pregnant that once we were pregnant we would tell them but now we are not so sure! DH & I may get some counselling on this but if anyone could offer any advice in the interim that would be great...

Thanks everyone

[SD2001]

SD001 - you're so right about sending some kind of 'thank you' gesture to the donor, I agree a card goes without saying, and can imagine if i was a donor, how valued that would make me feel. I can also see though how many people could forget or not just think about it or not sure even if it's the right thing to do - would the donor want communication so soon, etc???, so I guess it's something that the nurses should really be on top of - and they should be suggesting it to donor recipients. When we met with our consellor the other week, she mentioned it, and we're not even that far along the process yet!

It is a point I have raised with my clinic and in particular my clinic's councillor. It seems that in the past my clinic did not encourage recipients to send thank you messages to donors.

Lieve, your clinic seems to be up-with-the-times in terms of appreciation of donors.

[SD2001]

Hi all,

I heard some good news today. One of my recipient families gave birth to a baby boy sometime in the last 12 months.

[Caramello]

That's great news SD!

[MsPink]

SD - I have to say that I am so disappointed you never heard from any of your donor families. I am so grateful to my SD that he at least gave me the chance and when I am finished this merry-go-round, whether successful or not, will most certainly write to him. I am eternally grateful to both my known and unknowd SD's.

You get the BIG thumbs up from me - what you did is a wonderful thing..

[SD2001]

Thanks MsPink and Gargy.

[Malyna]

SD - that's great news. I never really thought I would be able to 'communicate' with the donor. From my perception of the whole thing, and what we were told, was that we were not able to get any information about the donor but this information would be given to offspring, and I guess it was a big assumption on our behalf that we just thought "oh that means we can't communicate anything" even a thanks.

[SD2001]

Thanks tarkine.

[Joy08]

Tarkine - Just checking in on you!! So your 4 days overdue... hope little bubs makes it's appearance soon! Are you feeling ok? Your pregnancy has gone so fast!!!

We are 14 weeks today and I think I should start to relax! Just keep hoping nothing will go wrong! We start the second trimester today so think everything will be fine. We have an appt with our obs on Tuesday so looking forward to that.... hopefully we get to see little bubs on the screen again!!

Love to all

[Malyna]

Hi Joy - Very happy to hear that you are in the second trimester - make the most of the energy burst you should be getting soon!

Yep we are overdue, but considering we went through IVF, I'm only 38 weeks (so still have another 2 weeks of 'baking' to do!). One of my major issues has been a reluctancy to admit that I'm at the 'over it' stage of pregnancy - it seems like such a contradition, considering the long journey to get to this stage, and how privledged I feel to have gotten this far... But the size of my belly and the effort involved in everything convinces me that I'm just going to have to accept the fact that I'm over being pregnant and really impatient to meet bubs.

[blizz]

Tarkine,
honey nobody will think the less of you for being OVER IT! I know I was at the end, both times!!! LOL. something about looking and feeling like a killer whale, really takes it out of you!
all the best for the next week or so, will be looking forwards to hearing the announcement!!!
hello to all others, haven't abandoned you all completely but am flat out preparing for my new business... I start work in March (hopefully...still heaps to organise)
will be in soon for a better read of the posts and a catch up, love to all Allie and the gang xxxxx