I don't think you are asking too much - a lot of what you have mentioned in precisely why I left my local playgroup. I was looking for something a bit more structured, not just ditch the kids on the floor and b*tch about stuff or gossip. I am not interested in that in the slightest, and I felt I was probably being talked about too, when wasn't there, as a strange cloth loving, full term breastfeeding hippie he he. Anyway. I found a wonderful Steiner playgroup. It is quite a drive but we make the effort at least once a fortnight.
Basically we arrive and the children and parents sit around a small table and knead a piece of their own dough, making a shape/bread roll. After that the kids have free play with the beautiful steiner toys. After that we wash hands and prepare for morning tea. We have fruit and the freshly baked bread rolls. Afterwards we have a little more play time and then pack up all the toys and have circle time - a few songs and maybe a story. It is all very nurturing and parents are involved, not seperate. Also as the playgroup is steiner inspired we have little songs that transition the children from one activity to the next (which the children love and sing along to), making it a really harmonious and enjoyable morning!
Maybe you have a Steiner playgroup near you?