I think you need to come to a kind of peace within yourself about this, because I don't think there is anyway you can 'resolve' or acknowledge her actions with her, without her getting her back up about it.

I have had to 'forgive' my mother alot of things from my childhood. She was a brilliant mother - for her other five kids. For me, she was vindictive and cruel and petty at times - althoughnot all the time. I can understand why (she had PND with me and never bonded with me and resented me, I learned as an adult). But she cannot acknowledge her treatment of me (she just continually points out the 'good' things). I had to come to a point where I realised that no matter what I did or said, I could never change her or her attitude or the things she had done or said (or not done or said). I had to realise that she would never acknowledge these issues and would always dissmiss them as unimportant. I had to come to the realisation that if I wanted any kind of meaningful relationship with my mother from that point forward, I had to honestly forgive her and move on myself. She will never know I have 'forgiven' her. It is not about her. It is about me. She would be horrified at the thought that I would forgive her, she doesn't believe she has ever done anything wrong.

But you know what. My mum and I now have a fabulous relationship. We get along 90% of the time. I have a mum I can talk to and spend enjoyable time with and who I can treat as an equal. But that was only able to happen once I had let go of all the baggage I was carrying.

It doesn't make what happened in the past all right, but it does mean I have reached a place of acceptance where in no longer impacts upon my present and future relationship with her.