My Mother and I have always had a very touch and go relationship. Still do really, hence why I love being in Brisbane and her living in Townsville.

Although I feel I've come a long away, I feel like my childhood and my past still affect the person I am today.

For some strange reason this memory just popped into my head:

I was about 10 I guess. Mum and I had a huge fight before school and I walked to school crying.

There was some kinda play/presentation on at the school that day and I was sitting down watching it when I heard some carkeys jingle behind me. I knew they were my Mums keys and I turned around and she was there. I guess it must have been around 11am.

The show finished a little later and being a 10 year old, I had pretty much got over the earlier events. I asked her what she was doing here and her reply was "I've come to take you to the police station" .

Here I was a 10 year old girl who'd just had a major fight with her Mother she tells me that shes taking me to the police station because of the fight.

Now as a Mother myself and a grown Woman, I see the evil, spitful and nastiness of this. I see that she was obviously hurting herself and felt that she needed to hurt me back. But what such a cruel thing to do to a chlid.

So I'm here because I want to talk to her about all of these things and for her to acknowledge how wrong it was. But I dont want her to feel guilty. It hurts me more to think that she feels crap or guilty. So its kinda a doulbe edged sword for me.

I hate the secrecy and silence that goes on with her. I've never felt like I could express myself or talk to her. Such a horrible relationship to have with your Mother. I already feel bad for even whinging about my childhood when I know she provided for us. I guess its the emotional deprivation that has affected me the most.

Anyways, I don't know why this has come up now. Just needed to vent it.