Differentiation/Holding On To Yourself

[AnyDream]

Excellent post, thanks Kelly. Differentiation is the reason I kept my maiden name...as a permanent reminder of what to aim for. Saw my mother lose herself within three different relationships (and the conflict and pain that resulted) and decided to never go there. But it's not always easy. I need to work on my self-soothing skills (esp when I'm premenstrual & feeling insecure ).

[Bathsheba]

Whilst DH and i don't have the "perfect" relationship I think we have managed to stay differentiated. It's a very important concept. After 16 years we still enjoy each others company... and find each other genuinely interesting. The "self soothing" is sooo very important as well... sadly i see too many couples who seem to have the expectation that it is their loved ones 'job' to make them happy and to constantly soothe them like they are a substitute parent Sure a partner can make you happy... but at the end of the day it's YOUR job to find happiness... not their job to provide it for you on a platter IYKWIM.

This sounds like a very worthwhile book Kelly, i'll be keeping an eye out for it, thanks for sharing

[hunakat]

i second that this is a very good book. encourages you to take a very real look at yourself, the games we play and the ways we manipulate. loved it.

[BellyBelly]

I love it, I am going through more of his books too. Took a little bit to 'get' it but as time and life goes on, its definitely ingrained and I find myself thinking differently and recalling parts of this book. Such a huge change from who I used to be!