Do you/can you hold grudges?

[Catastrophic]

I can, but it does depend on the situation, with OH he knows that I can't stay pi**ed for long, but when it comes to the MIL I will never talk to her or forgive her for as long as I am breathing...

Love MN ;-)

[Astrolady]

Yeah I think it depends on the situation with me as well. I can forgive someone and remain friends etc with them but it doesn't mean I will forget

[*Belle*]

Nope, my dad used to hold grudges for a long long time, and I made a pact with mum and my bro that we should never do that after he passed away.

The only grudge I have held was with my dad's bro who didnt speak to my dad for years before he died due to my grandmothers estate, when dad got sick with cancer he didnt want us to tell his brother so we called him only after dad died. It was very hard to see him and talk to him after how much he hurt my dad.

[~Kim~]

No, but that's a conscious choice I make.
I fail to see how wasting energy being angry/brooding over something can be productive for anyone's mental health. If it's serious enough to be rehashed, then hopefully that can be productive and problem solving as opposed to feeding the demons IYKWIM?
Totally agree with Sopdet too.

[MrsFabuloso]

Nope I'm terrible at holding grudges. I am a very forgiving person and hate to feel uptight or cranky at people. If I don't like you I won't hang around with you. If I have a problem with you I will sort it out. That's that. Like Kim, I just don't have the energy to waste on such a fruitless thing.

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

I wish I could say I don't. I don't try to seek revenge on people, I don't deliberately ***** about them behind their back, but if someone has upset me, I don't forget, and I'm more wary with that person from then on, be it online or IRL. However, if someone says something nasty to me, and then later apologises or just talks to me without being nasty, I'm not wary anymore.

[Nai]

My Nanna was an exceptional grudge-bearer and was able to hold onto grudges until she died, even when the other person had absolutely no idea what they had done - my Nanna was a manipulative, vindictive person and not someone you enjoyed being around so maybe holding grudges is not good for your social life.

I am not good at holding them - I think I have better things to do with my time and energy.

[StrawberryFields]

ShootingStar - I know what you mean about mothers. I have many issues with my mother and I give her chance after chance after chance! I know I should be able to trust my mother and I think thats why I keep giving her chances, but by the same token I find myself becoming harder and harder on her because she is yet to show me that she deserves those chances - and at her age she should just plain know better. I think when its someone in your family that you have a grudge against it can be a deeper grudge because the hurt is probably deeper than it would have been if it was just someone you could cut loose - your family is your family and you're stuck with them as well as the constant reminder of how they hurt you if you catch my drift. Which is why you give them more chances than you would others because you have to live with them constantly being in your life. I think forgiveness comes a lot easier when its family but if there is a grudge or resentment for whatever reason, its often much more severe.

PS - congrats on your new little bundle!

[BellyBelly]

I love this clip about mothers:

YouTube - Byron Katie - My mother is selfish and controlling 1/2
YouTube - Byron Katie - My mother is selfish and controlling 2/2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5vw2mtD-wo - My Mother Doesn't Listen

The one on her DVD is even more powerful and amazing.

[Astrid]

I tend to hold fewer grudges these days. My emotional well has many drains on it these days and holding grudges required emotional energy.

These days I don't exactly forgive and forget. I just move on. There are times when I will remember that something made me quite angry, but if there is nothing I can do I just move on after (of course after having a little grumble).

There are some people I will never forgive for past actions, but these people are no longer in my life.