Do you/can you hold grudges?

[Freya]

Most certainly. I have perfected the art of ignoring people's existence. Its not common anyone gets to that point in my life but there is always one every year or so who wants to try lol

[~Kim~]

No, but that's a conscious choice I make.
I fail to see how wasting energy being angry/brooding over something can be productive for anyone's mental health. If it's serious enough to be rehashed, then hopefully that can be productive and problem solving as opposed to feeding the demons IYKWIM?
Totally agree with Sopdet too.

[Traveller]

I don't hold grudges, per se, but if you do something and I lose respect for you, then I have no time for you ever in my life again.

I'm the same. I held onto a few grudges for years when I was younger, but there came a point where I had to let go because I was only hurting myself. However I would never forgive those people or attempt to forge a relationship with them because what they did to me reveals a lot about their character, and I do not want to make the same mistakes twice.

[FabFiona]

IAbsolutely. I am an excellent holder of grudges. Then again, I work in politics so this is probably to be expected.

I agree they can take up lots of energy so they have to be worth it. Also, the person I hold a grudge against generally doesnt agree that they've done the wrong thing.

The only grudge I hold at the moment has been going on about 4 years now. This bloke in my wider peer group did the wrong thing by one of my close girlfriends. Very bad stuff. So we, as good members of the sisterhood cut him off. I still see him around at work stuff but we don't speak. I made it clear to him that I wouldn't be acknowledging his existence again unless he apologized and made amends (there was more swearing in the real version). And that was it - completely fresh aired after that.

I can forgive when people want to be forgiven. But when they don't think they've done the wrong thing then that's it - dead to me.

ETA - I don't waste emotional energy over this stuff. They are generally not worth it.

[MrsFabuloso]

Nope I'm terrible at holding grudges. I am a very forgiving person and hate to feel uptight or cranky at people. If I don't like you I won't hang around with you. If I have a problem with you I will sort it out. That's that. Like Kim, I just don't have the energy to waste on such a fruitless thing.

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

I wish I could say I don't. I don't try to seek revenge on people, I don't deliberately ***** about them behind their back, but if someone has upset me, I don't forget, and I'm more wary with that person from then on, be it online or IRL. However, if someone says something nasty to me, and then later apologises or just talks to me without being nasty, I'm not wary anymore.

[Nai]

My Nanna was an exceptional grudge-bearer and was able to hold onto grudges until she died, even when the other person had absolutely no idea what they had done - my Nanna was a manipulative, vindictive person and not someone you enjoyed being around so maybe holding grudges is not good for your social life.

I am not good at holding them - I think I have better things to do with my time and energy.

[fionas]

I tend to bend over backwards to work out why a person has done something 'wrong' and sometimes I'm too forgiving so in that sense, no I don't hold grudges.

However, I am trying mighty hard at the moment to try to get DSD to see the error of her ways. She recently stole some of my stuff, then made up some stuff about me stealing some of her stuff (as if) and topped it all off by saying it didn't matter that she'd stolen my stuff because I'm a "rich *****" anyway. I've asked her to apologise. Nothing doing. Now I'm like a dog with a bone with this situation because it's a pattern of behaviour. She does it time and time again and I don't think it makes her life happier. So I'm buggered if I'm going to forgive and forget because I don't think that's helpful to her. If she apologised, it would be forgotten in an instant. Instead, I'm going to give some of her stuff to the Salvos. I don't think that's holding a grudge, I think it's just trying to make someone accountable for their actions.

[peanutter]

I don't hold grudges, but I do put a "full stop" in a realtionship from time to time.

With any minor ti*** I may with DH, I'm not going to divorce him over it, so at the end of the day, I'm going to forgive him and whether it's today or in a week, the only real difference is that *I* will be miserable and grouchy and cold shoulder-yfor longer if I hold out, so I might as well forgive him sooner rather than later ... and he forgives quickly and completely, and so I might as well forgive him now, and be happy!

Other people, particularly those I'm not as emotionally invested in, if there's a recurring offence, or something serious, I may forgive them, I will "do right" by them (ie: not backstab or fester discontent against the) but I may well cut off all ties from them. Life is too short for poo-headed "friends".

I want to spend as much time as possible with people I love, and meeting new people to love. Time is a limited resource.

So no, I don't hold grudges, but I do choose to end friendships and acquaintences sometimes. Even more so, now that I'm responsible for J-man's well being.

HTH

[*Efjay*]

its one of the worst things about me. I am terrible for holding a grudge. I do & will hold a grudge. My memory is shot because its so filled with all the grudges I bear there is no room for the good stuff anymore.
But I don't know how to stop doing it.

[briggsy's girl]

i can
i try not to
but sometimes it just happens and i'm not conscious of it til the next encounter

there is one member of DH's family that i hold a HUGE grudge against - and won't ever let it go

[~Kaz~]

I can hold a grudge too. But having said that, it takes an awful lot to get me to that point. I will put up with a lot from people, (friend, acquaintence, colleage etc) before they push me over the line. So I forgive and tolerate a lot from others because I'm always trying to understand where they're coming from, or what other factors outside the situation (like their personality or past life experiences etc) are influencing them. Once they push too far though, I find it really hard to move on and I will hold a grudge for a while.

I am getting better at not holding grudges as I get older, and particularly after I became a mum. There's just more important things to devote energy to now.

[onthefly]

Not really. But I remember stuff and it tinges any future relationship, to the point where occasionally I may walk away from it. But then sometimes things change at that stuff doesn't matter any more.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I don't hold grudges. What I do is remember past behaviour, predict future behaviour on evidence of behaviour seen, and make an informed decision on that information.

For example, someone lies to me. I wonder now if the next thing they say is a lie. A few months of truths later, lying is not considered much. Some consider that holding a grudge for a few months - but I am not rude to the person, I just query information given. If it were a big, earth-shattering thing (eg "I would never sleep with your husband") that was a lie then I may well not be friends any more - is that holding a grudge? Would my reaction to my husband be grudge-y?

I don't hold a grudge against my mother, for example, for the way she brought me up. But she is going to be warned next time I see her (next month) that I have noted this year she has started to do similar things to Liebling and if this continues we will not see her beyond this year. It is not holding a grudge to say "I dislike XYZ behaviour, you did it before in this instance, don't do it again." It is wanting my son to grow up abuse-free and the "right" of a grandmother to see her grandson does not include her abusing him. Not a grudge, honset! If it were, I would not see my mother at all and would find a way to make her hurt for it.

[Antheia]

Usually not. It's just not in my nature. I like to forgive people and give them a chance to make amends. Sometimes I get burned but meh. I would prefer to give someone a second chance than to simply walk away from a relationship that could be saved.

[~Hestia~]

I hold grudges. I have improved since becoming a mother but am still working on not holding onto hurts and forgiving easier than I do though.

I should add - it doesn't mean I stop talking to people. I just don't forget what has happened entirely which can colour my perspective on things.

[Shanti]

Nah, I try not to.... I'm much better at not holding grudges these days..... I realise it's simply not worth the stress it puts on yourself.

Some wonderful sayings about grudges...... For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness. ~Author Unknown and "Holding onto anger is like holding onto a hot coal, in the end you are the one that gets burnt!!!" (something like that anyway).........

[Babyluv]

I don't hold a grudge, I can forgive easily but I don't ever forget the big things. If someone does something to intentionally hurt myself or my family I will most likely never trust them again and always be super careful around that person. I'll be polite & friendly but I'll keep my boundaries.