Do you ever feel like your on the 'outside' looking in?

[Freya]

that was THE best blog post I have ever read. And it described me to a T. Im still chuckling lol

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

'I did 3 things yesterday. It's like the things never end!'

[Glamourcide]

I love how the facial expressions just NAIL it

[Gigi]

i feel the same Freya.

after reading the young mums say they worry what the older mums will think of them and vice versa, i don't think it's an age thing.

i'm double your age Rhyb and i expect other mums (of any age) to tell me i don't know what i'm doing with bilby. i went to a mother's group where most of the mums were under 20, and i was the only one double their age. i was so in awe of the young mums. it wasn't their age that made them knowledgeable, it was their experience, knowing what to do. i learnt from them.

i feel odd like
when i'm in an environment of mainstream people, i seem to be too "alternative" for them.
when i'm in an environment of alternative people, i seem to be too "mainstream" for them.
i dont' feel i fit in anywhere.

having a child, has made me make much more of an effort. but i still dread going to other people's houses. the money/class thing always rears it's head. and we're about to go into public housing, so it's going to be even worse. I'm grateful for having a roof over our heads. I realise others will just hear the name of the suburb, and automatically judge us. the older i get, the more i feel like, fitting in, in real life, is largely connected to money. So many friends i've made over the years, i've stopped making the effort - due to embarrassment that i can't keep up with them financially. I can't spend the sort of money they do, when we "catch up". And i don't have the domestic setup they do, to entertain at home. there is an expectation and i can't meet it.

[boomba]

Hun I know exactly how you feel. No advice just sitting with you in the corner x

[Sopdet]

Always babe, always. But I am getting better, I don't hide as much as I used to, yes there are times that I'm scared when I meet people, scared in social situations, but I take each one as they come and deal as best I can.

I know I don't fit in with my family, it has taken many years to realise that I never will. I always felt like I was on the outside looking in (through double glazing & a padlocked door) and was never ever going to be a part of them, no matter how hard I tried, how many times I tried to be the person they thought I should be.

I went through a pretty tough time emotionally a few years ago and that really changed who I am as a person, I am who I am, you don't have to like me because there are people that do like me and those people mean the world to me.

[Jahzara]

oh wow ! I just read that blog - that is me - either that or I am really lazy :P

gee...

My head is spinning - I am so glad i am not alone

I have just forced myself to start playing Netball because i need to get out of the house and surround myself with people - more than just one on one. First game was last week and i was absolutely petrified - worried about making a fool of myself, worried what people will think of me, that they might talk about me and about how hopeless i am ! I did have fun - i laughed alot.
Tonights game was better - i wasnt so worried

I often feel like nothing i say is intelligent enough or that noone is interested in anything i have to say. I am my own worst enemy !

So yeah, slowly stepping out of my comfort zone. I am currently on medication for depression/anxiety so i am looking at stopping that asap - i want to be happy again and i want to believe in myself !

[Glamourcide]

Lol Rhyb, me too! 'I mopped the floor today - love me? Praise me? SEE I'M TOTES A GROWN-UP NOW, I DO HOUSEWORK WITHOUT BEING NAGGED!' lol I want my responsibility award!

Gigi, I am totally hearing you on the whole 'not fitting in' thing... just a couple of years ago I was in the 'scene', I thought I knew who I was (even if nobody else 'got it'), but now I feel like I've lost my identity somewhere amongst the nappy changes and vaccination research and I can't identify with any one 'group' any more I still have good friends who are part of the goth/emo scene but I find we're moving in such different circles these days, it's like I've 'sold out' and like I don't quite fit in with them any more, but on the other hand, most 'mainstream' people look at me and probably think I'm a bit scary or weird, so I'm kind of floating around somewhere in the middle and wondering where I'm supposed to go. Even basic things like how I dress these days - used to be all black, corsets, boots, heavy eyeliner and fluoro streaks in my jet-black hair - I've now traded that in for a 'mummy' haircut and colour, I wear floaty floral-print tops to hide the post-baby lumps but I'm not yet a 'frumpy mummy', I've kept my septum piercing and have a huge tattoo across my chest so it feels a bit weird to look in the mirror and go, 'Who the heck are you?' lol! I was whining to DH the other day about just that, feeling too old to dress like a ratty scene kid, but too young to join the capri-pants wearing Playground Mafia (not to criticise anybody who wears capri pants, I actually really like them in black with a black band tee and bandana in my hair!)

I absolutely agree re the money/class thing - we're too broke to pay the rent in a 'nice' suburb so I'm really too afraid to invite friends over for get-togethers because I worry that they will judge us based on where we live (which is odd because one of my besties is a single mum who lives in housing commission and she never has a problem inviting her 'posh' friends around for catch-ups, I don't know why I'm so afraid of judgement). I also miss out on a lot of social things because a lot of it seems to revolve around spending money I can't afford, so I opt out - birthday parties etc are all these huge themed 'parties' at nightclubs where guests are expected to spend $200+ just on an outfit for the evening 'to fit in' and then pay for their own drinks etc, I just can't justify that for a wear-once outfit even though it sounds like a lot of fun So then I'm a 'party-pooper' who either thinks I'm too good to hang out with everyone, or I'm just a boring sap, which just isn't the case at all.
*hugs* I reckon we'd get along just fine!