Do you look outside your square?

[Astrid]

I really swing with this one. My mother was very narcissistic, so everything was about her. So I was brought up to constantly think about how things affected her, but also that actions/situations never just "were" but there was also something insidious behind them, like a personal attack. She truly believed the world revolved around her.

So I can spend too much time thinking about what others think, but also trying to read something else into situations. Often when confronted by a new situation I fall back into being narcissistic. DH will have to point out to me that it is not all about me and that some things have actually nothing to do with me. The silly thing is, if the same situation is happening to someone else, I am often quite good at seeing both sides and not automatically jumping to one person's defence.

[Bathsheba]

I've been able to see/think outside the square a bit better as I have grown older. I was definitely more paranoid and self centred as a youngster... kind of until I had my second child (about 35) then I guess life really started to get hectic (at home as opposed to life outside the home) and draining and I had to start to decide which things/people were really worth worrying about.

But I also grew more confident of my emotional reaction to things and more tolerant of others as a compromise. Essentially I was able to/had to decide who was worth really caring about and who i couldn't help at this time... and when i decided who I cared about I decided to really care... instead of kinda half caring about everyone. IYKWIM? It became quality vs quantity.

I still find it tricky to strike the perfect balance... but I also don't expect instant results as much as I did earlier in life. I have really learned to slow down. Because of this I find that I am able to have a better look outside my own square... and I notice more stuff than I did before. I think when people become time poor this is one of the first things to suffer: being able to see beyond themselves. I don't always get it right... but I'm less scared of dealing with the consequences of upsetting someone because these days I feel ok about apologizing if I get it wrong. And I still get it wrong