What do you do when you are feeling like someone has hit you with the ugly stick?
For the past month, my self-image has plummetted. Ok, so I had a mastectomy, but it's not like I woke up to no boob - if the ppl who have seen it are anything to go by, it's an above-average looking reconstruction...it has a good shape, and you can't tell at all when I've got my clothes on.
So why do I feel so hideous - all over - now, when I am starting to get my energy back and working on re-entry into 'normal' life? Why has my distress over my breast leaked out to cover my legs arms torso hair face skin feet??? And more importantly, what can I do about it?
PS Kelly I looked at the Byron Katie vid about 'why do I hate my body' and TBH it didn't make any sense to me at all. I just couldn't see where she was going with it.
Marydean, are you going somewhere that you are going to get some emotional support after your mastectomy? I am thinking about something similar to that program they have with women who have lost their hair due to therapy for cancer and they give them a wig and a makeover etc. as it is recognised that a change in body perception can have a profound affect on a woman.
I think what you are going through is something that is recognised that can happen when your body is affected by cancer treatment, so alot of hospitals do have programs setup to support this. I know in melbourne they are trying to build a "wellness centre" with the cancer treatment centre at The Austin so that they can run alternative therapies and other support services along with the traditional western therapies to cure cancer. Hope you can find someone to talk to, to put you in touch with someone to help.
Last edited by anney; January 29th, 2010 at 03:08 PM.
: adding clarifying info
Is it possible that your mastectomy has given you pause to think about your body? In a similar way to how I am happy with my body until I go bathers shopping and have to really think about the way my body looks? Errrrk.
In those situations I find it soooo hard to be objective, I really struggle, it's a subjective issue, it's MY body! I find it helpful to bring a good uplifting honest friend who will say 'honestly, you're no worse than anyone else. Yes you do have this issue, but if you can minimise that with this style and then you look gorgeous'. So I know she's not just saying 'yeah you look fine' and can see my body realistically - but realistically it's not that bad, I just wish parts looked better, but I have to learn to be realistic and accepting (not in a fatalistic way, but in a self-respecting way) of how I look.
It reminds me of that serenity prayer, you know; 'Lord give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference'.
Anyway. Not sure if that's helped, since I was really thinking out loud, but I hope the hugs are comforting.
I don't have any experience with this situation at all, but I wanted to let you know that I'm here and listening. I hope you find some answers and some self love soon
Anney, I'm checking out a couple of support groups, but they're not running for the year yet, I also have a wonderful naturopath that I often talk to. I'm not sure the programs you're referring to (like Look Good Feel Better) are quite up the right tree - the problems on the inside, not the outside, kwim?
BTW I specially posted here and not on a BC forum because a) some of the ladies on those forums are going thru much much worse and feeling ugly's pretty trite and b) I have read some really insightful threads here on BB and actually I think this is an issue (mastectomy part aside) that a lot of women would relate to. The experience of going along comfy in yourself and then something changes (bad haircut? pregnancy? gain/lose a few kgs? break up with someone?) and suddenly you're not feeling the inner beauty part of yourself any more.
Nelle - I like your comparison to bather shopping. I don't normally spend much time peering in the mirror - but now I'm constantly checking to see how the recon is looking - it's a bit like the changeroom fluoro-lighting thing . I think acceptance is part of it (that's where the grieving part comes in) but there's more to it than that too.
Fourth - thanks for your note of support. Funnily enough I've never been short on the self-love - it's normally me talking my friend thru their moments of self-doubt. That's why I'm finding this a challenge. ( BTW I love your blog).
Last edited by AnyDream; January 29th, 2010 at 07:40 PM.
marydean - i've been thinking about this since i read your post earlier & i think you might be right when it comes to being comfy in yourself & then a change comes along & it gives you reason to really think about yourself.
i've found my post-PG body harder to deal with than my PG body - i think mostly because my PG body just seemed so amazing in what it was doing, now it's kind of just a flabby (well, it was flabby before but has gone to new levels ) shell! i think change can often make us feel a bit uncomfy in ourselves because we lose a little bit of bravado with the change. hmmm...i'm not making any sense but i think your other thread about essential beauty treatments/routines is a big part of it - when i feel like i have been thoroughly attacked by the ugly tree i try to make sure i do something like paint my nails, treat myself to a pedicure etc to remind myself that i am worth it. it seems so superficial when i write it down but it does work!
maybe some affirmations or creating a list of the really amazing things your body can & does do would help as well with the emotional/mental side of things? sometimes we forget all the clever things our bodies do to keep us up & running.
sorry for the waffle. can i claim sleep deprivation?
Hit by the ugly stick
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. I think acceptance is part of it (that's where the grieving part comes in) but there's more to it than that too.
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