marydean - i've been thinking about this since i read your post earlier & i think you might be right when it comes to being comfy in yourself & then a change comes along & it gives you reason to really think about yourself.
i've found my post-PG body harder to deal with than my PG body - i think mostly because my PG body just seemed so amazing in what it was doing, now it's kind of just a flabby (well, it was flabby before but has gone to new levels ) shell! i think change can often make us feel a bit uncomfy in ourselves because we lose a little bit of bravado with the change. hmmm...i'm not making any sense but i think your other thread about essential beauty treatments/routines is a big part of it - when i feel like i have been thoroughly attacked by the ugly tree i try to make sure i do something like paint my nails, treat myself to a pedicure etc to remind myself that i am worth it. it seems so superficial when i write it down but it does work!
maybe some affirmations or creating a list of the really amazing things your body can & does do would help as well with the emotional/mental side of things? sometimes we forget all the clever things our bodies do to keep us up & running.
sorry for the waffle. can i claim sleep deprivation?
Ohhhh MD major hugs to you hun. I would love to say run out & treat yourself to getting your hair done, but obviously these feelings are running a bit deeper than a simple hairdo can fix. You are one of the most positive and inspirational women here on BB and I think that shines through any imperfections you think you may have. I think you are a beautiful person.
MD I have been looking everywhere for that book I recommended on your radical life revision thread.... Kitchen Table Wisdom by Rachel Naomi Remen. I used to have 2 copies and now I can't find either of them
I just think it might really speak to where you're at right now.... maybe your library has a copy? Or amazon? to you xx
I like the bathing-suit reference too. And maybe it's something along the lines of "I've had surgery here, therefore I have to be super-model perfect on the rest of my body". And although we all know supermodels aren't real women, they're the yardstick of society!
It's been a pretty rough 12 months MD, if you came out on top of the clouds brimming self esteem then i would think that perhaps there was a problem.
You've had a lot to deal with and it's probably taking its toll. Let me assure you, that although you feel like you have taken a beating with the ugly stick, no body else thinks that.
You'll love yourself soon enough again, but i think it will take time.
The way I see it, you've had all your life to get used to the way your body looks and you've had those years to grow to love your body as it change with age, from pre-pubescent, to the first flush of womanhood and onto a woman who has had children and the change has happened slowly over time and it has given you time to come to terms with all your imperfections, perceived or otherwise, and you love the way you looked. Sure you would probably change a few things here and there, but overall you would have been comfortable in your own skin.
But then came the Radical Life Revision and everything changed. What took you years to love was all changed in under 12 months. You lost a breast, you have had chemo which has changed your hair and made you physically and emotionally wrung out and now you've got a brand nue boob so it's no wonder that you are feeling the way you are. Even the parts of you that didn't change just don't seem the same anymore kwim? It is so easy to not like the rest of you.
But I don't know what will fix it. I don't know if this is something that will take time, or if one day you will wake up and you will feel happier with everything. But I do know that you have what it takes within to be able to work through the way you are feeling and get back to the point you were at before. Maybe you could look up a grief counsellor or someone who deals with cancer patients (if there is such a person?) and talk to them and see if they have any strategies to help you overcome this and get you loving yourself again.
You are a gorgeous woman hun and I know you have what it takes to kick this self-loathing in the ass for good
I am sorry you feel this way hun
Perhaps get yourself a 'positive board' that has photos of you, that you like, positive quotes, affirmations etc and look at it everyday, focus and be happy.
I have never met you but you seem like SUCH a wonderfully supportive woman who I would be glad to have in my corner...
As for hit with ugly stick, next time say have I? Well you are about to be hit by 18,000 hormonal BB members with bats LOOK OUT!!!
Chin up hun love yourself as much as everyone else does
OMG MD my heart just plummeted when i read your thread
... i remember last year when my SIL and i were talking on the phone after she had her left breast removed & she somehow found the pleasure in telling me she still had a tiny cleavage and we even giggled about it ... a giggle can come from the strangest places at times but then maybe it's not so strange as it did make us feel good & i will never forget ' that ' giggle only something a woman can understand ... i guess where i'm heading with this is no magical words (i wish i could) but i feel wonderful for you MD that you are seeking to find what it is you need in telling us how you feel ... a community as big as this is surely to come up with some direction or place where is right for you to go, even if it means a read of something in the meantime.
When i first read the TITLE of your thread ... i instantly felt protective of you, like who ... what ... uh, who said what & where ... OMG i'm gonna kick their butts ... At least it's a sure sign even for those of us that have not yet met you MD but your incredibly likable & for many, many reasons
Queen, I love your suggestion of getting a positive board going...I have some lovely affirmation cards but they tend to float around a bit...it would be nice to have them together in one lovely place. Reminding me of my own loveliness.
Pix - You're right, I would never allow someone to say it about someone else.
Smiles - Your SIL was amazing to find the positive like she did and I know you treasure those memories . I have already gotten significant benefit from this thread - even tho when I started it I thought I might flush out more BBers with their own 'ugly stick' feelings - I have been digesting slowly slowly and I can feel a shift taking place inside me. Not there yet but it's coming. BTW - I feel much safer knowing you're on my side, sticking up for me, Smiles!
.... reckon my gorgeous SIL would be standing with me in spirit and giggling at the thought of helping me kick someone's butt and doing it with a SMILE, lol ... and we'd do it ' only ' for YOU MD any day, any time if it made you feel that much better if anyone was to upset you
Queen has actually got a fab idea there as my friend (known her for 20years this yr) was going through such a crappy time ... not a thing we did could help her ... so her DH (he's a comical character) came up with this idea to hang a ** WhiteBoard ** in the kitchen entrance for all to see, so when she got up in the morning for a cuppa or was making dinner in the evening it was within sight to see ... and we could all write something lovely or something funny about her ... OMG there were such beautiful comments about her and some that gave you the biggest laugh.
She's a huge Kylie Monigue fan so i wrote a separate comment as if it were from Kylie and it said " I'm at my happiest when i wear my cheeks hanging out of my GOLD shorts, you can borrow 'em anytime "
) shell! i think change can often make us feel a bit uncomfy in ourselves because we lose a little bit of bravado with the change. hmmm...i'm not making any sense but i think your other thread about essential beauty treatments/routines is a big part of it - when i feel like i have been thoroughly attacked by the ugly tree i try to make sure i do something like paint my nails, treat myself to a pedicure etc to remind myself that i am worth it. it seems so superficial when i write it down but it does work!
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... At least it's a sure sign even for those of us that have not yet met you MD but your incredibly likable & for many, many reasons 
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