Hmmm.... I think it just happens (imagining why someone reacts the way they do)... it's just how I am... maybe it's a defense mechanism. Maybe it's the only way I can handle the fact that so many are so mean? If the reality was that people are mean just because they are mean and they actually LIKE to make me feel awful I think I would spiral into depression! I think that 99% of the time people have reasons behind their meanness that are nothing about me so why not acknowledge it? I know myself when I am being awful it's usually because of some completely unrelated issue. So why not give the benefit of the doubt to other people? I guess I'd like it if they could do the same for me. So I guess for me it's not a waste of time because it's a knee jerk reaction... based on self preservation. It's probably done more good than harm... if I didn't do it I would definitely be involved in more conflict in my life.
So true Bath ... Conflict yeh who wants that, eeeek (yep rather hide under a chair then put up with that unwelcome rubbish)... But sadly ' some ' people get off on it (as you know) !!! ... Hope your day got heaps better as you need some super charged energy for your very BIG special day this weekend, ... Nudge nudge wink wink
But surely imagining that receptionists husband in her underwear is a funner path to self-preservation?
In any case - it doesn't mean that she WANTED you to feel bad or crap just because she was mean. She may merely have been having a bad day.
If it's not about you (and it probably wasn't), it's not about you.
Why not speculate in a more positive way. It is out of the realms of possibility that once she gets home tonight and unwinds a little that she might think 'geez, I was a bit rude to that poor lady on the phone today' and feel bad? Or resolve not take her bad mood out on customers again next time, to try harder?
OR EVEN this - what if 2 mins before your call she got some terrible news? In which case a snotty attitude wouldn't seem so bad in the scheme of things. Feel me?
More like FC's thread - you need to take the ego out of it. Of course you would feel depressed if you thought everyone wanted to make you feel like poo, so why assume that? Are you that important that people go out of their way to crap you off? Or could it be a brief moment in time that someones manners slipped?
On one hand you say 99% of the time there is something behind the meanness that's not related to you, so why can't you leave it at that? I'm telling you - it's easier!
It's how I am Lulu... maybe it is because I have an inflated ego but I don't think she deliberately wanted to make me feel like a stupid timewaster... I just think she demonstrated a low EQ at that particular time... she lacked professionalism and she's probably not even aware of it. So many people just go through life without even stopping to think if they are being fair or even valuing treating people with decency. Society instills in us a sense of valuing IQ. Everyone knows it pays to be smart with numbers or words or facts.... but does society ask us to increase/improve our EQ? I don't see much evidence of it to be honest. Infact there is more evidence of support for a low EQ: value stuff over relationships, persue the status, keep your eyes on the prize at all costs, take the easy path, get rich quick, I want it now. Are these helpful? I wrote in another thread that people in developed Western societies are turning into spectators rather than participants in life... we prefer the safety of watching and judging... we are become so ego-centric... just like children. And just like children our skills of empathy are becoming more and more limited. People don't have the time to think about anyone elses perspective as they hurry through life in their quest of More. Maybe my choice to lead a slower paced life than most allows me to be this way... I am not the kind of person who likes to be rushed and I refuse to lead as fast a life as most people I know because too many important things get overlooked. But I'm rambling now. I guess my main point was that I identified this exchange with a school receptionist as an example of how choosing my emotional reaction could work for me. It honestly was not that much of an effort. I like the outcome.
ETA: also maybe I do take life too seriously but from what I am told I was born that way: with an analytical frown on my face. I know it's fun to be able to laugh at things at bit more but that's not a glove that fits me... and I think that's ok... I play to my strengths and try to improve my weaknesses. The world needs a laugh but I'm ok with quiet reflection too.
Last edited by Bathsheba; July 16th, 2009 at 05:37 PM.
But can you give the receptionist the benefit of the doubt or is she always like that? If it's a one-off, you have enough EQ to forgive yeah? (masterchef is on soon!).
I don't think you have a massive ego, maybe you think more negatively instead of positively?
I also think that you might be right about people forgetting manners, but that's been a long term complaint through the ages. Yep, the world seems to want everything now, but recent (and not so recent) events have shown its not the path to happiness. Lots of people took on too much credit and stuff-wise - but poor fool them. Poor fool them indeed, I don't think ha ha ha (I'm sure you don't either) to those suffering under the weight of their wants, I just feel sad they were led to believe (OR were greedy enough) to think it was ever going to work. Now you are married to a banker so you understand all that and reject it for your reasons, as I have rejected it for my own. But I'm sure you and me both do other stupido things
Which lead me to my next phat opnion - people are rude because they are unhappy. How many issues can fall by the wayside or not seem terrible when you are in a GREAT state of mind. I think its almost impossible to snarl at someone when you are happy.
So at the end of the day, I don't swear the small stuff and if someone is horrible to me, my first thought is how unhappy they must be to snap at a random stranger so I feel compassion instead.
And if they have been a right ROYAL sucko, I smooth my anger by imagining their husbands (eg) wearing silk knickers till I feel better
I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt cause I have a low EQ and know I often say or do things that seem inconsiderate or impolite, not because I'm a nasty, hateful person but because, so often, I just don't realise. So I guess I just extrapolate and assume everyone's like me. Fortunately, many people are not.
I'm going to have to come back to this. DP is baking scones (!) and is telling me everything that he's doing. Now he's getting the tape measure out to measure how thick the mixture is.
So impossible for me to string anything coherent together right now but will try again tomorrow.
I guess I'd like it if they could do the same for me. So I guess for me it's not a waste of time because it's a knee jerk reaction... based on self preservation. It's probably done more good than harm... if I didn't do it I would definitely be involved in more conflict in my life.
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(yep rather hide under a chair then put up with that unwelcome rubbish)... But sadly ' some ' people get off on it (as you know) !!! ... Hope your day got heaps better as you need some super charged energy for your very BIG special day this weekend, ... Nudge nudge wink wink 
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