Explain the power of positive thinking to me...

[Tegam]

It's really important to distinguish between denial of reality (which often masquerades as positive thinking) versus a positive mindset that can help you to cope with the difficult reality that you might be facing at any point in time.

.

This is what I believe. Well said!

[KitFaerie]

I'm not sure if this is totally relevant to the topic, but when I'm assuming that something will go badly (the big one for me was assuming I was losing my DS when I lost his twin) and I was telling myself that I'd lost another baby and that therefore I'd never have a child etc etc, I eventually decided that dwelling on those thoughts wouldn't make it any easier on me if it did turn out that I'd lost him. Like, I wouldn't go ''oh I was right all along, hooray!''

So now I try and hold onto hope, I decided I'd never regret hope, never put myself down for believing in something even if it turned out badly. I have no idea if it actually makes any difference to the outcome, but it definately makes a difference to my mental health.

[Beach Mama]

It's really important to distinguish between denial of reality (which often masquerades as positive thinking) versus a positive mindset that can help you to cope with the difficult reality that you might be facing at any point in time.

Totally agree with this, and for me with anxiety ranging from mild to full blown panic attacks over nothing more than my overactive mind, I have had to learn that my THOUGHTS are not reality, that I can choose what I think, I might get caught up in a pessimistic, negative thought (which can then lead to catastrophising into the end of the world!) I can stop it in it's tracks and change it to something positive, think about all the good that there is in my life and distract myself. I am very early on this path with help from my psych but so far it working well. She uses acceptance therapy for me, and a lot if it is realising that bad stuff will happen, there is risk out there, but I focus on a lot of that stuff that hasn't even happened. I need to know that things may not always be ok, but I can deal with the issues and problems once they arise - not before. A bit different I know but similar to what you are talking about I think (hope)

I also keep a gratitude blog, I have been a bit slack with it, but in my head I keep on track with being thankful for things around me, takes the focus off me and it is really really difficult to feel very anxious and negative when you are totally focused on what is good in your life.

As for feeling positive about something changing the outcome - I recently felt absolutely convinced I was going to get a job. It was the one I posted on here, I stuffed up part of the CV but was still telling myself it was ok and would get an interview. I didn't and yes I was upset but I picked myself up and told myself that something better would come up and I would end up being where I should be. If I had told myself that whereever I end up is NOT where I should be, that if I ended up doing anything other than this job which I Know I would have rocked at and loved, then if I was where I was now I would be totally upset, depressed and unable to move on.... Does that make sense?? So my mindset that things WILL be ok and making the most of it, did change the outcome and it is very different to what it would be if I had told myself otherwise.

My question to you all is how can you allow yourself to feel positivity and optimism when it seems there is none??

There may not be in certain circumstances but around those circumstances I believe there is always something, while we breathe we hope.

Not sure I have said what I want but this is an area that is really in the process of changing my life because of all of the issues and hang ups I have had for years.

[myturn]

Hey n2l I know you are worried about this cycle as well, and I hope you can keep your hopes up a little. I just found this thread and wanted to add to it, so I hope that's okay.

I find the whole idea of 'positive' thinking is really overwhelming for people - because sometimes, it is unrealistic to be "positive", and it's just too difficult.

so I think about it as "realistic thinking" instead. for example....

negative thinking may be something like "this cycle is never going to work, I am too old and I am never going to have another baby"

if you were going to be positive you may say something like "this cycle is going to work, I will be pregnant this time"

as you said, that can feel pretty naieve, and may feel totally unrealistic -

so I would suggest you change your negative thought to something more 'realisitic' like.....

"this cycle this may or may not work - I will be sad if it doesn't, but there is a chance that it will. I don't know what will happen. All I can do is do my best to stay healthy and maybe it will work"

it doesn't feel 'fantastic', but it feels better... and I think it is being honest with yoursef and recognising the risks that it won't work, but acknowledges the fact that it MAY work. That's the bit that defines an optimist... it's not being super positive, it's acknowledging that it MAY work - that there IS a possibility.

It takes practice - maybe there's a new thread in that.... "Learning to be 'realistic'...." and practicing (with help if needed) how to change a negative thought into something more 'helpful'.... that's what I call it when working with kids... 'helpful and unhelpful thoughts'..... and I have also used the terminology.... "posionous thoughts and antidotes" kids love that one

I am seriously crossing everything for you