Thanks everyone including those who PMd, I'll get to it all I promise and really appreciate it.

That is sort of exactly the questions I'm wondering, the risk vs benefits. My family, partner and I are already satisfied with the fact that I am. My parents said they would have sought a diagnosis when I was younger because I had struggles at school and with anxiety but I've sort of grown into myself and developed coping habits to manage a fairly successful life. I think most friends see me as a little odd but doubt they would think to this extent, I keep friendships at a 'surface level' as that is where I feel most comfortable and at least risk of messing it up unintentionally due to my ignorance of complex social cues, rules and boundaries. But I feel okay with it all, I'm happy and enjoy life! It doesn't really hold me back but there can be difficulties say if I have an overload with social interaction I feel drained to the point I can barely keep my eyes open so often need a nap to recharge. I like the familiar, when I first moved out of home I would still drive to my parents suburb for groceries for example because it was the shop I was used to, I see the same doctor I have my entire life, change is very difficult for me and can require some hand holding exposure before I am comfortable transferring but I am motivated to so it does happen. I have a few sensory quirks like feeling comfort and safety in being compacted and compressed, finding certain light tones almost painful. I don't like different foods to touch on my plate, sometimes to the point of needing separate plates. I can't not tell the truth, it is like a compulsion where I just cannot leave words that are "wrong" out there which means I find it difficult to say just compliment for the sake of it and extends to wanting to correct others also, I am better at holding back now though (some might have noticed my compulsive post editing). Trying to fake emotions is impossible to me, I can barely get my face to accurately display ones I am feeling let alone those I don't and reading emotions in others is also tricky so offending people can unintentionally occur but this seems less and less of an issue as I expose myself by being upfront in not really knowing what to do in this situation, I find people are very accommodating when you are honest in your confusion. It is hard to place all the oddities because they are my normal and those close to me are all quite used to me being me. My partner and I seem to really work together and compliment one another, our years together have been my ones of biggest improvement (as well as becoming a parent helping me to challenge my comfort zones, they are such motivators as I would never want them to miss out). My partner is an extrovert, can make conversation (and does) with anyone and helps to ease me out there without feeling pressured, I dont still shop in my parents suburb for example lol.

What inspired my original leanings towards this is my eldest daughter who has been seeing a speechie who sort of suggested we think about seeking a diagnosis for her. I was caught off guard because my daughter couldn't seem more normal... to me. That's when my parents and partner started to explain that of course she seems normal to me,I'm odd too and then began the obsessive research which was making sense but then eventually I focused more on presentation in females and bingo, there was me and my daughter no question about it. At first I had a lot of misconceptions about ASD and when first mentioned it as a possibility thought well, obviously not as I'm bursting with empathy, I cry at others disappointment as much as my own but from reading I was able to clear up some of those connotations I had due to stereotyping and understand that being ASD isn't the same as being robotic.

So we go back and forth trying to decide whether to get one, both or neither of us an official diagnosis. My daughter does not struggle too thoroughly, she always makes friends at the park and such and I can manage small talk with their patents quite well too but I do see that she drops back into a following role and worry it could become a distrust in her own thoughts, trying to smooth over and hide her differences to fit in. I know life was very confusing for me growing up as a lot of it just didn't seem to make sense but as my daughter won't be going to school, I can help her as though she does have a diagnosis especially with my first hand experience so it doesn't feel pressing to have the label. Her kindy teachers can't rave enough about her; she plays with everyone, she's sure of herself without overbearing others, she's independent and motivated, keen to learn and get into new things so maybe we are doing pretty well in helping her be her. They are supportive of our homeschool plans and do see that it would suit her, they were going to suggest a small school before I spoke of our intentions because they can see potential for her to get lost in the crowd as she is so capable and agreeable.

I am worried about it becoming an excuse or crutch for either of us or furthering the potential for alienation. I am worried about it changing her (through extended therapy and OT work) as I think she is just brilliant as is and all I want is for her to feel happy and comfortable being her rather than altering herself to find happiness and comfort. I think if I got her a diagnosis I would feel like a hypocrite not to get one myself.

If she was having meltdowns or struggles it would be easy to say yes, we need a diagnosis to help here but she's not. She didn't even have a tantrum till she was almost 3 which my parents theorize is because her and I are on the same wavelength so I just kind of get her and read her very well. My youngest is 18mo and already tantrums, we are less intune with each other lol. So I'm stuck. When I ask her, she says she has no problems and it certainly appears as such. And I seem to manage myself too. We both have incredible memories which helps with adaptation and learning from the ground up. But we are definitely different and maybe the world would cope better with us being appropriately labelled as much.

And there is always that fear that maybe we don't have ASD and then what lol.