MD I have been looking everywhere for that book I recommended on your radical life revision thread.... Kitchen Table Wisdom by Rachel Naomi Remen. I used to have 2 copies and now I can't find either of them
I just think it might really speak to where you're at right now.... maybe your library has a copy? Or amazon? to you xx
I like the bathing-suit reference too. And maybe it's something along the lines of "I've had surgery here, therefore I have to be super-model perfect on the rest of my body". And although we all know supermodels aren't real women, they're the yardstick of society!
It's been a pretty rough 12 months MD, if you came out on top of the clouds brimming self esteem then i would think that perhaps there was a problem.
You've had a lot to deal with and it's probably taking its toll. Let me assure you, that although you feel like you have taken a beating with the ugly stick, no body else thinks that.
You'll love yourself soon enough again, but i think it will take time.
The way I see it, you've had all your life to get used to the way your body looks and you've had those years to grow to love your body as it change with age, from pre-pubescent, to the first flush of womanhood and onto a woman who has had children and the change has happened slowly over time and it has given you time to come to terms with all your imperfections, perceived or otherwise, and you love the way you looked. Sure you would probably change a few things here and there, but overall you would have been comfortable in your own skin.
But then came the Radical Life Revision and everything changed. What took you years to love was all changed in under 12 months. You lost a breast, you have had chemo which has changed your hair and made you physically and emotionally wrung out and now you've got a brand nue boob so it's no wonder that you are feeling the way you are. Even the parts of you that didn't change just don't seem the same anymore kwim? It is so easy to not like the rest of you.
But I don't know what will fix it. I don't know if this is something that will take time, or if one day you will wake up and you will feel happier with everything. But I do know that you have what it takes within to be able to work through the way you are feeling and get back to the point you were at before. Maybe you could look up a grief counsellor or someone who deals with cancer patients (if there is such a person?) and talk to them and see if they have any strategies to help you overcome this and get you loving yourself again.
You are a gorgeous woman hun and I know you have what it takes to kick this self-loathing in the ass for good
when i found out that i had endometriosis and was 'broken' and couldnt have kids (look at me now lol!) i suddenly lost alot of faith in the body i had been born and grown with. suddenly it was like looking at my body through a whole new lens. from the outside i looked the same, but in my mind all i could see was the endometriosis growths and scars ITMS. i went though a major crisis of 'womanhood' and rejected any notion that i was attractive/sexy/desirable. i know that DH was dumbfounded by my change and TBH i didnt handle it well. i was young and didnt really have a long relationship with my 'woman-self' so it was a longer road to healing myself of these accusations.
i dont really have any real practical advice (other than a pretty haircut and loads of gift vouchers to ella bache for facials etc and manicures and pedicures certainly CANNOT harm this process of healing ). trying not to sound too trite, but it is a personal journey that needs alot of navel gazing about what your body means to YOU. and how she is still your most precious, beautiful life partner; no matter the bumps and grazes that come with that journey.
MD- I think all the PP's have given you some wonderful advice and Im sure that alot of it rings true, well for me anyway.
One thing that I still consciously do as a boost on a bad day is to "try" not to focus on the things I dont like in the mirror, I try to mentally blur it out and look at what I do like, eg, everyone has always told me how pretty my eyes are etc, maybe I will put some mascara on today...does that make sense?
You mentioned before about how feeling ugly seems a bit "trite" but really we all to some degree place our outer looks in a high distinction and in our minds if we dont feel pretty how is anyone else going to think we are pretty? ITMS?? I dont think im explaining very well..
I just mean that it is important to you so therefore its important.
And just to let you know, Having never met you in "real life" your inner beauty shines through in your posts lovely lady! xx
MD - you have had a rollercoaster ride recently. It makes complete sense that you would be questioning your body and how it looks/behaves. I also think that you get put on a massive schedule of doctors/appointments/treatments and once they are all finished you really end up having time to digest and process the journey that you have been on. This is often the hardest time as you really don't have active tasks to complete to confront/attack the issues you have been dealing with. Have you tried a counsellor for yourself - someone you can discuss things with without fear of having to protect them from your thoughts, someone just for you who can listen and be completely focussed on you. A good friend has recently been through a similiar experience and found this invaluable. Take care and give yourself time.... xx
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). trying not to sound too trite, but it is a personal journey that needs alot of navel gazing about what your body means to YOU. and how she is still your most precious, beautiful life partner; no matter the bumps and grazes that come with that journey.
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