This might be a bit long..

Things haven't been the same between DH and me since I was about 3 months pg with DS. I know having kids changes a lot of things, but now when I try to talk to DH he just shuts down, walks away, walks out and won't talk. I know that it is a breakdown on both our parts, but I don't want to feel negative about him or our children..

When I was pg with DS, DD suddenly became a shocking sleeper, so since the beginning of this year, she has slept in bed with either DH or myself. Only a few times have we braved all of us in the same bed cause she is a violent sleeper. Needless to say, our intimate affairs, even something as simple as a cuddle in the night, is almost non existent. We tried sleep school, not that I was really for it, but I couldn't handle the crying. DH was working a lot of nights at the time, I was 7 months pg, and caved. And it took us until about a month ago (so 4 months) to gain her trust back that she would actually sleep the night even with us without checking we were there.

Now that DS is here, I can count the times that DH has helped with him on one hand. I have done all the feeds, all the night get ups, all the upset times. Yes he does take a more active role with DD if I ask him to, but never of his own accord. And now I am at my wits end.

DH goes to work, and is a shift worker, but now his shifts are more bearable, no more night shifts. But when he is home, he is sleeping, on the computer playing games, or watching tv (stuff recorded) that I don't watch and aren't suitable for children (pretty much SCI FI stuff). I have to practically force him to do anything with DD that she wants to do. And he goes off at her for not giving me peace (FFS at him, she wants stories, play kid games, like I do with her, of course she is going to want me all the time). I don't want him to have to take over the home role, but I would like some time to have a shower, or something on my own.

Tonight, I have lost it emotionally. He knows I have some friends coming tomorrow, but he didn't do anything to help make the house look at all decent. I asked him to take DD outside for 15 mins while I vacuumed the floor (she hates the cleaner). He reluctantly agreed. He came in, got his own dinner, not even a thought for DD, and then sat here playing games. All the while, I cleared the benches, got the kids in bed, got the washing on etc.

I have told him that we need to spend less time on the computer, and away from the tv doing things as a family and with the kids. He laughed at me. I then asked him to be honest with me if he is over this whole family thing, he walked off, shut the door to the spare room and hasn't come out. I love my kids, and I am slowly starting to enjoy being at home as a SAHM, but I need my DH back. The one I thought was going to be there for me, to support me being at home (it was him that wanted me to be a SAHM). I have even had a friend offer to watch the kids for us one night to go out to dinner, and if DD is happy enough when we get back to collect DS, keep her overnight. He doesn't even want to do that, not even dinner.

We had one line in our wedding vows that sums up where I want to be "Our life will be a journey, a journey that can only be completed by the two of us together". At the moment it seems we are going our separate ways.. I don't want to feel like this, but if I don't start doing something, I will just start feeling more and more resentment towards him and the children for changing the life I was used to.

Thanks for reading if you got this far, and sorry it is so jumbled..