How do you 'fix' yourself? (sorry long)

[Fleur]

I wanted a better title but couldn't think of any

So, I turned 33 last month & a few things came up for me. I think this is when I get to start feeling like a grown-up and I feel like it's time to shed all my excess baggage & start really being 'me' ITMS.


EDIT - I have removed most of what i originally posted, I kind of decided it wasn't relevant... it's enough to say that I can look back & logically understand why I think / feel the way I do but I'm kind of stuck as to how to change those thought patterns.
ANYWAY
What I want to know is.
I've decided I don't want to be like that anymore, I have had enough... it's not really ME, you know? In my head, I know so much better, I just can't make myself feel it deep down. I feel like I kind of 'get' where it's all coming from... and I see it from a different viewpoint as an adult.
I don't want to wallow in self-pity, I want to fix myself!

I've had counselling before, I don't know if I saw the wrong people for me or if I require something a bit more to the point. Or can I do it myself?
What do you do to get rid of old emotional baggage you no longer need?

Wow, this is harder to write than I thought it would be
and I so did NOT mean to write a novel :/
If you made it through all that, well done

[BellyBelly]

I think the very very first step is to change thinking if you want to get out of a stuck headspace.

Instead of reinforcing to yourself that you are broken or need fixing, changing your mantra (and saying it over and over to yourself) something like, 'I am whole and complete.'

It might sound silly or ineffective at first but its amazing how well it does work, and did for me at times of confusion.

[delphmoon]

Its hard work..to change or atleast to find that person deep inside of you. I think just knowing that a change is needed is the first step.

From what you have written you know what has caused you to perceive things the way you do and understand the psychology behind your behaviour so maybe now it is a matter of recognising those moments of insecurity and stamping it out then and there IYGWIM. Like for instance you are argueing with someone because deep down you are fearful they are going to abandon you- so in this moments you really need to talk yourself through it like "i'm feeling this way because ........ but now I know I am loved and care for by others"...IYGWIM?

I agree with Kelly- affirmations are amazing little things and keep you conscious of what your thinking and feeling...

I gave my mum a Lousie Hay book last year as she has been suffering depression for years...she said it was the best thing she could have got- maybe have look into this and see if its something you can get into?

GL and

[BellyBelly]

I need to know why people love me

This is a good one.... yet another tool that might help.

[boomba]

I think you have made the first step by acknowledgin you want to help yourself. Wish i had some words of wisdom but all I have is hugs! xxx

[Miss E]

Just wanted to give you a big babe! I don't really have any words of wisdom, but to me you're a loving, generous, caring, wonderful woman who deserves to be loved and cherished by all who are lucky enough to have you in their lives.