How do you 'fix' yourself? (sorry long)

[boomba]

I think you have made the first step by acknowledgin you want to help yourself. Wish i had some words of wisdom but all I have is hugs! xxx

[Miss E]

Just wanted to give you a big babe! I don't really have any words of wisdom, but to me you're a loving, generous, caring, wonderful woman who deserves to be loved and cherished by all who are lucky enough to have you in their lives.

[sloane]

i think you've already taken a big step by saying that you don't want to be like that anymore & that you want & are willing to change. seems like you've already made some really positive changes as well

this is maybe very simplistic & may not be appropriate for you but for me it was a conscious decision. i had a champers-induced epiphany one NYE & i realised that i was looking far too much to other people to feel loved & to boost my feelings of self-worth. i decided that i needed to make a conscious effort/decision to look inwards for those things & if they came from external people, then even better, but i must not allow my self-worth to be affected to strongly by others. it wasn't easy & i still don't think i have it right. but in rational moments, i know in my heart that i'm okay & that i'm mostly happy with me (maybe not the outside, but more about the inside). if i'm not happy then i can change but i agree with the PP who have said that affirmations help. try not to focus on what you don't like - acknowledge it, but don't focus. for me, by keeping on living a way i am proud of, the emotional baggage seems to drop slowly away. maybe look at the positive qualities you have gained through unhappy circumstances - to me, you seem to be the most wonderful combination of advice/wisdom gained through experience, honesty, compassion and fun as well. those unhappy years may have been a sort of hell, but they've also shaped you into the fantastic person you are now.

ok, i'm starting to ramble. i hope some of it makes sense!

big for you.

[Inertia]

I must admit to being a bit stunned to come in here and find that someone has already posted what I was about to. We are on the same journey today, Fleur.

I would love to share this journey with you.

[blessedatlast]

Well, I don't have any advice for you Fleur, but I wanted to give you If you ever need to vent or talk, I'm here.. I love our chats, we need to have more I think you are beautiful and amazing, I am so glad we have become friends IRL..

[trishalishous]

something I did (and I know it sounds corny) was write two lists, one postive, and one where I wanted to improve myself.
I had 'i am a great friend' and then 'i want to be a better 'listener' ' or
'i am great at my job' 'i want to improve my communcation skills when dealing with colleagues'
I'd then pick one set, every day and carry it with me, and focus on it every chance I had.
stopping the negative self-talk really helped me!

[Fleur]

Thank you for your replies.

Kelly, I looked at that link - and then I looked at more - really, really interesting & now I find I will have plenty of reading & watching to do Thank you.

Delphmoon, you're right, I do think I understand what's behind it (or at least a fair bit of it) - I just need to know how to change those thought patterns. I have read a bit of Louise Hay years ago, I think it might be time to go back & read again.

Sloane, you made perfect sense It's the kind of thing I will be trying to do, to make aconcious effort. It's weird you know, I have had times in my life where I have been challenged & at those times I was able to stand up & be really strong in myself. It seems to be just the day - to day stuff that niggles at me. Weird huh.

Honey Aspen - Serendipitous, maybe? I'd love to have you sharing this journey

Thanks Trishalicious, that's a great idea

boomba, MissE & Blessed, thank you for the hugs. Backatcha I do feel very lucky to have found you all here.


I went to work today & thought all day about what i had posted, I will admit to being a bit freaked out by putting it out here, but I am trying to be ok with being honest about myself ITMS.
I have trimmed my original post though, cause I figured it wasn't relevant, it felt like a lot of unnecessary whatever - the point is (and Delphmoon, you are right) - I know logically why I feel / think the way I do. I just don't know how to change it.

And I sort of realised lately that a BIG part of the reason I am so unhappy at work ATM is because I am not getting the boost that I need from it. So if I feel unappreciated there, i feel angry & unhappy. Then it doesn't take much to lift me..then I'm down again.
Actually I think recognising that cycle is part of the reason I decided I was ready to change my thinking - stop the ride, I want to get off!

So I guess I will do a bit of reading over the weekend and maybe start writing, just to get it out....I really like the idea of affirmations to try & focus my thinking.

Thanks again for reading & posting.