Learning how to stop being impulsive...

[Tinks]

Also if you take more time to consider if you *really* need or want to do something, you might decide don't actually need/want it

This is a good point.

Before you do something impulsive think about whether it's something you 'need' to do as opposed to 'want' to do. If it's something you need, go for it. If it's a want, think twice.

[Enchanted]

I can be a bit of a shocker for this. I try and work off the method of... If you see something and like it, walk away and leave it. If you still really want/need it the next day go back and get it. Usually stops me!

[C~Q]

It's not really "things" like purchases i'm talking about though...more like situations iykwim??

[thepixie]

Maybe you have to think a bit further ahead - think "sure it will be fun at the time, but how will I feel in the morning, next week or next month" and really try to imagine that bad feeling when you have given into the impulse IYKWIM? Like getting drunk - fun at the time but think of the hangover if that analogy works for you.

[Inanna]

I understand what you're saying CQ & I don't think it's as easy as not doing it.
Impulsivity is a symptom of a number of bigger "issues"... Most noteably ADHD & ASD.
If it was as simple as not doing it then we'd all be fabbo people! Firstly don't be beating yourself up. You've identified something that's an issue in your life - something that many people never do. So that's a great start.
Think about if there are particular areas that you are more likely to be impuslive or is it across the board?
Seek out some professional help as there are cognitive therapies that can help & if it is a case of ther ebeing other issues sometimes meds can help. (for ADHD etc).
It's not unheard of for people to go through their whole lives until adulthood and not realise there are some special areas that need help (like adhd)
I certainly am not suggesting that this is the problem - just that it is among the possibilities. Don't discount anything. You are a thinker, you spend time looking at how you fit in the world. That is a brilliant thing - good on you.
I hope you can get some answers.

[ladybird11]

I think that sort of 'sensible' thinking is seriously drilled into my head due to my full time job. Police are 'always' on duty - and if for instance, if my next door neighbour knew that me and DH are Police and they aren't happy with e.g. a party we may be having outside - when they complain (to the police ON duty) we can get in more strife than if anyone else was to do the same thing. (Hence the reason we hide our uniform and never hang it up outside or in view of others).

I don't have the freedom to say and do half the things I'd like due to my role in a large, para-military organisation, which, if word got out that I said something 'unprofessional' or didn't do something right, it'll come back to bite me in the butt. Like if I didn't do all things necessary in attendance at a crash scene I could end up being drilled in court, or worse yet, Coroner's court.

A part of that strict thinking does follow me into my personal life to an extent, and I find myself wishing I could have more freedom to say and do things off the cuff every now and then. I always have to think 'whats the worse thing that could happen' and / or 'is there any chance this could have a negative impact on me at work'....I'm sure that could be relayed to fit most situations?

[Lulu]

Actually I am one of the most impulsive people on the planet. Lots of times it has served me very well, so I don't always see it as a bad thing.

But I do think it is as simple as that. Just don't do it. If it's a matter of getting drunk and shagging someone you shouldn't (for eg) think about it before you go out. Don't drink too much and wear granny undies for backup. And choose to go home by yourself. Waking up the next morning feeling happier will be the impetus for you to continue making better decisions.

Maybe it's a maturity thing, or maybe you haven't learned your lesson thoroughly enough yet but learning to say no isn't actually that hard so next time you are in the moment - walk away. Just try it properly once and you won't look back.

[nickle730]

I think it's important to recognise that there is a difference between impulsivity and addiction. I believe that we can learn better impulse control through practise as Lulu suggests, but addiction is a lot harder to deal with and may require counseling and the kind of cognitive therapy Inanna mentions.

I have been aware for a long time that I have poor impulse control and an addictive personality. I have struggled over my life with various addictive behaviours. I avoid situations where I may be tempted to 'give in' to my impulses. I also sabotage myself ahead of time so that even if I can't prevent the behaviours mentally at the time I am exposed to the 'trigger', I am unable to act in a practical sense. Think of Lulu's granny knickers for the sex addict or leaving cash at home for the gambler or the compulsive shopper.

The difficult thing is that a true addict will convince themselves that they are in control and not their addiction. I am an expert at self justification. I tell myself I 'deserve' whatever it is I want because of A, B or C and I convince myself that I will only indulge in a small amount. 'Just one drink', 'just a small piece of cake'... whatever the addiction is for you. Of course, once I start I think 'well, I'm in this deep, I can't stop now'. IF I think at all! Sometimes an addiction is hypnotic and the addict just doesn't think at all - until the big comedown when you start to feel like absolute crap for whatever you have done. 'Where did all those bags come from?? And how will I pay the bills??!!'

I now have the maturity to recognise my own self destructive behaviours - but I do understand that controlling them can be a battle, even if you logically know that is what you need to do.