Try calling people on it and see the reaction though. Usually defensive and offended - few people will accept they're being less than honest. They often behave like children when they're called on it, complete with sulks, tantrums, etc I've found with certain people, I can't win, so I try to limit time with them - they don't understand and my pulling away seems to make them want to control me more through more passive aggression, which exaserpates the situation....
This is sooo true! I've started ignoring it too, because I've found the same. Thou doth protest too much. And the bizarre thing is if it were in reverse you would be hounded for an apology and once again be told how hurtful you are as a person. So you cannot win. And you're right about the emotional blackmail responses too, I had forgot about them.