Preventing the early sexualisation of our children

[Toomanytoomany]

I'll have to pm you, once I've emptied my inbox as I'm at the limit!!

The production quality's not great (my first attempt) but the sentiment is sound.

[Bathsheba]

I have a 14yo DD and she actually makes me feel quite proud of her attitudes on this subject. Even though she was given Barbie and Bratz dolls as a child she doesn't seem to have grown up with the unhealthy ideas they seem to promote. She has never dressed inappropriately, infact she is quite modest in her choice of clothes.

I put it down to me me being fairly modest and actually saying that something is inappropriate when it clearly is. Scantily clad women and men, unless they are on the beach, make me feel uncomfortable. You don't do the shopping in a bikini top with trackies around your hips and the top of your g-string showing... you just don't. It's got nothing to do with feeling comfortable in your own body it's about appropriateness. These days I don't usually have to say anything... my DD will get in before me and say something to me under her breath like "hello... you don't dress like that while doing the shopping" LOL Now having said that if my DD wanted to sunbake with only a g-string on a beach in the south of France and every other woman was doing it then fine... but I think that people have become so protective of their perceived 'rights' that they have forgotten to consider whether something is appropriate or not. Say the word "appropriate" these days and you might as well say you are a wet blanket as far as most people are concerned

I'm not loud and outspoken when I tell my children that I think something is inappropriate I just quietly share my thoughts between them and myself. DH does the same. We hug and show affection infront of the children too... because it's an example of a healthy relationship but we don't shove it down their throats.

"Dignity" is the word that springs to mind... these days you'd think it was a dirty word. But it's what we role model and so far we are happy that our children are growing up with this value. The early sexualisation of children and the huge commercial monster sex has become in our society is basically a stripping down of people's dignity. I could go on about what that means, who benefits etc but that's probably a topic for another thread.

[bon]

I hate Bratz dolls...I think they are ugly and wear completely innappropriate clothing, considering they are marketed to little girls as an alternative to Barbie. Barbie I don't have so much of a problem with - she seems to be a lot more wholesome than those skanky looking Bratz things. But of course I know that as an adult I am looking at them with different eyes than my 4 year old daughter, who recently pointed out the Bratz dolls in the toy sale catalogue and told me thats what she wants for christmas. I see a skanky looking skantily clad doll that is sending all the wrong messages to little girls, she just sees a pretty doll to play with. I mumbled something non-committal and am hoping she will forget about it. Of course if she is given one as a gift I won't stop her playing with it, but I just can't shake the dislike I have for them!

I have read articles before about how the whole Disney princess thing is unhealthy for girls because it sends them the message that all they have to do is be pretty and helpless and a handsome prince will come and 'save' them and 'complete' them and make their life perfect forever more. I don't really buy into that - I think if anything, it is those romantic comedies where the single woman has her crap life made perfect by finding mr wonderful that are more damaging. The princesses are at least obviously make-believe.

[Rouge]

I'm another proud parent over here. We have very open lines of communication and have quite extensive conversations about appropriateness, strength of women, drugs, alcohol, politics, environmental issues, animal cruelty... you name it! I think being open with your views without being forceful or nagging is the best way IMO. Yes you can protect them from some of it, and we do our very best to do that, but I would rather educate them on the appropriateness rather than ban things altogether due to the simple fact that they are going to be subject to it and there is a higher chance of it being a novelty later if its not dealt with now.

[Bengal]

Long after Bratz and Barbie dolls are gone, your DD and DS will follow suit in your train of thoughts, on what is appropriate, what outfit a bratz or barbie doll has on, is not going to contribute to who they are as a young lady, or young man.

It is the values you instil in them, and the openess, communication and relationships at home that maketh the man or woman.

Your relationship with your children is the most important thing

[bon]

Long after Bratz and Barbie dolls are gone, your DD and DS will follow suit in your train of thoughts, on what is appropriate, what outfit a bratz or barbie doll has on, is not going to contribute to who they are as a young lady, or young man.

That may be true but I still dislike Bratz dolls. I can't help it - although I am fully aware, like I said before, that my DD doesn't look at them in the same way - I see a toy that is representative of this early sexualisation of children, little girls especially, whereas she just sees a pretty doll to play with. So, while I am reluctant to buy one for her, I am not going to ban them - if she is given one, she will be able to play with it. She prefers other toys atm anyway, so it's a bit of a non-issue really.

[Bengal]

That may be true but I still dislike Bratz dolls. I can't help it - although I am fully aware, like I said before, that my DD doesn't look at them in the same way - I see a toy that is representative of this early sexualisation of children, little girls especially, whereas she just sees a pretty doll to play with. So, while I am reluctant to buy one for her, I am not going to ban them - if she is given one, she will be able to play with it. She prefers other toys atm anyway, so it's a bit of a non-issue really.

With all due respect, this thread isnt about bratz dolls, who likes them and who doesn't. It is about, in a roundabout way wether bratz dolls and other media contribute to the sexualisation of children

[Maruschke]

A friend of mine has two boys, and they made sure that they had a variety of dolls to play with... a chinese boy, an african girl and an aboriginal girl doll. I think it is great to let them choose their own toys and not only supply gender specific toys . As for Bratz dolls, I won't buy one for DD, but if she is given one, it is probably a great opportunity to talk to her about appropriate clothing and body image and attitude.

DD1 I hope never wears (or wants to wear) a bikini as a child. I was in target when I saw the most disgusting bikini's in size 2. Ugh!!!

[Trillian]

I think being open and frank with your kids when they ask you stuff is the way to go. None of this dumbing down caper or an answer so vague that it just sends them looking for it somewhere else. If you do that, then I think it causes not only confusion, because if they already have an idea in their head and just want to come to you for confirmation, then it blurs the lines of communication and they might think you are deliberately trying to hide something from them kwim? I think toys like bratz and barbies etc on their own are insignificant, because obviously they look at these dolls and then look at real people and they can see that not everyone has a head the size of a pumpkin or walks on tippytoes but if the 'message' that those dolls send with their skimpy clothes, big boobs, high heels and their whole 'attitude' is reinforced by having Mum buy you clothes that aren't age appropriate (mini's and halters, faux leather and all the rest) and generally not teaching the child how to disassociate the pretend of the doll from the reality then there is possibly going to be a problem. I think if you don't want to have the dolls in the house because that's part of the way you are teaching your children about it all, then that's more than appropriate, just as it is to let them have the dolls but encourage them to see the dolls for what they are. Personally I don't like the bratz dolls because their feet come off and they get lost, causing no end of dramas and leaving you with a scary looking doll with an oversized noggin and no feet ROFL. Being the mother of a boy, I worry more about this little girl a year above my DS at school who obsessively plays with dolls - now thats probably not something that would immediately raise alarm bells, but it's the way she treats these dolls like they are a real baby - she takes them everywhere with her up the street, they even stop halfway up the street so she can breastfeed her doll (OK, so that's not all that bad because it means that she sees BF as normal will likely feed her own children etc) and they have a rear facing car seat in the car for this doll to be strapped into while they are driving - I'm not kidding! I asked her Mum about it one day at school and she told me that the seat is purely for the doll. And I do worry that this girl may blur the lines and hit 15 and want a baby of her own for real kwim? (and maybe even with my boy is my worry ) So while for this girl it's not skimpy clothes, racy video clips or bratz dolls, it's still something that she is indulged in by her parents to what I would consider an unhealthy extent.

I don't think that the toys, the clothes and the music is about sexualisation either, but just making them grow up too fast and try to deal with complex situations like boy/girl relationships (like the dolls and all their unrelenting marketing movies and cartoons etc) and the whole 'must look like this to be cool' type thing way before they are able to process it emotionally kwim? The sexualisation will come regardless of what we do because it's about the perception of others and how they see our children. Some people would still find a girl in a neck to knee swimsuit sexually pleasing if that's the sad, sick sort of person they are.