Humility is the act of feeling or being humble. It's really interesting to me how so many issues, especially those of conflict, seem to get down to the same fundamental issue: people's pride. I'm just as guilty as anyone.... but I do see it as a positive thing: humility is good for me. It teaches me so much. It also is a comfort. For example: When I feel like I am at a total loss with how to deal with my kids... when I feel that nothing is working it's humility that reminds me that "you don't HAVE to have all the answers... you are learning too just like your kids are... you don't have to feel like crap when you think you are being a bad mother... just accept that this is how it is... you can learn from this... isn't it interesting how angry I feel... why is that?" should I acknowledge it when pride creeps in: "Am I angry because I feel that I am the most important person in this equation? I am the one to be obeyed because I am the parent... I am above my child... I should have the power. Am I upset because my children are ignoring my superiority? How dare they given all I do for them! (this is pride speaking)"
What is the alternative? Would a better reminder to myself be: "I am my child's equal in life. It's my job to care for and guide the vulnerable people around me no matter what their age. Parenting with overblown pride will just set up a battle dynamic which will be counter-productive".
Feeling humility and causing humiliation is not the same thing. Humiliating somebody is (I think) a bad thing. It's a denial of their humanity. If maintaining your boundaries though, for example, causes embarrassment to another then that's a different thing. eg: "I'm sorry, I was waiting to be served next" might embarrass somebody if they were trying to push in but that's a consequence of not being observant and up to them to process and be graceful about.
So, I was just wondering about what role other people think humility and feeling humble plays in their life. Is it something worth teaching our children? Is the message they are getting through the media a healthy one? Think about MTV music clips of celebrities strutting around with "attitude" and puffed up portrayal of (I think misguided) pride. Or is it something unproductive... something that just stops us feeling good about ourselves and an enemy of self esteem?
Last edited by Bathsheba; September 2nd, 2009 at 10:47 AM.
Just thought I'd ask... maybe this is why they used to say "Don't educate women, if they think too much they won't want to do the house work" LOL sadly this is true for me today. ETA: I know what it's like to have a toddler distract though thanks for reading.
I think both pride and humility have their place. I am happy for DS to take pride in doing an 8-piece jigsaw all by himself: it's a good skill. Should he be 14, I'd expect him not to have pride in that achievement. It's an expected skill then.
I am proud of things I do. I know I could do better sometimes, which is good in tempering the pride. I know there are things I'm not so good at. It's foolish pride that would make me do them and not let DH do them when he's better at it. I think it's just realisim we need. Pride in things which are rightfully there to be proud of (something we work hard on or a new skill learnt). Humility in things we know we cannot do as well as others (pretty much everything in life someone can do better than us, so we should acknowledge that). But so long as we know our limits, that's good too.
I'm a lot better at playing monsters than sitting DS down to a game of dominoes - and my mother was horrified by the fact DS couldn't play dominoes, snap... backgammon. I could at 2. I can only get DS to sit down to play trains, not board games. That doesn't mean I'm a bad mother. We play turn-taking games, thing is we take turns to chase and be caught. So I'm not upset that she tried to humiliate me in Early Learning Centre by being shocked we don't play dominoes, I think she's silly for not seeing DS has different needs and is doing well in his own way. Not in her way, but that's not the important way.
Humility: Good Thing / Bad thing?
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