Social Intelligence

[smiles4u]

Wow Bath i can't explain what level of relief that feels for me to hear about your DD ... I too was incredibly shy at school, though take me out of the classroom i was the opposite with school friends, i could actually do a one-woman comedy show for them at recess break & cringe when i got ask to do the same thing in drama class.

Anyway, getting to my point ... my 3 year old DD is incredibly sociable with people of all ages, she can strike a conversation up with anyone ... she has been like it as long as i can remember. Because DP & i were so shy as a child and as a teenager we decided long ago we would do all we could without being pushing to encourage DD with her social interactive skills & try best we can to preserve & nuture them in her.

I grew up with a Mother who cruelly made every effort to make me conscience about whether i was of low intellect or not??, if i could succeed in 'anything' in life, right down to my physical appearance (such as am i overweight or do i need a tan). Also she made me paranoid of whether people would value me as worthwhile

Luckily for me (without any support from family) at a young age i remember believing within myself & feeling my own Mother could possibly not be telling me the truth (which obviously one's Mother would) BUT i DID know my Mother was extremely different to others ... as to put it simple i feared her. I managed to float above it all and educated myself without my parents help ... hell, i even did a modelling course & went onto do some modelling

So, i guess what i'm trying to say with my having experienced those feelings i am going to do my hardest for my DD to not experience similar feelings for as long as possible (meaning chances are someone else might in the her future which is sadly likely to happen).

Thank you Bath i so needed to know that the schooling system can nurture & more importantly praise that skill within a student. Fingers crossed DD will carry that wonderful social skill by the time she is in school

[Bathsheba]

Your relationship with your mother really resonates with me Lorelle, uncanny the similarity. I too observed that my mother was different to a lot of the other mums, and at quite a young age. Unfortunately I could see even as a 7 year old that my mother really struggled socially. She was very abrupt and tactless... she called it "being realistic" and "calling it how it is" but her attitude really alienated people. Sometimes I could see a strange look in the eyes of other mums when they found out I was her daughter... it was like "hmmm, like mother like daughter? She'll probably turn out to be just the same" Well that was how it seemed... might not have been true I guess. It seems I have spent a good portion of my life desperately trying to prove that I am actually nothing like her. Probably sad that I have to think that way. Still... she makes life so hard for herself... and now she is growing old alone which is terrible... but what can you do? The regular interactions I have with her generally are upsetting. And after reading this article about how long term relationships, if they are toxic, can actually impact on your health I'm starting to worry. I do actually have an immune disease (Graves) which I'm wondering is a result of this constant stress in my life with my mother. It's not that I wish to lay blame... ultimately it's up to me to process things from as healthy perspective as I can.

Thanks for contributing to this thread Lorelle It's wonderful to have a place of mutual support.

With regard to my DD's school though... she attends an independant school... an Anglican Girls' School and they do have a tendency to approach things in a slightly different way to most schools... they are quite progressive. I just hope that I can find as good a school for my sons.

[smiles4u]

Such a helpful tip there Bath about your DD's school as my DP & i have spoken about the 'not' wanting to send our DD to a regular public secondary school here in Ballarat as the 4.5years we have lived here we have come to realise that lower/middle class & basically the ferals can ALL go to the same school here ... Let me explain what i mean ... um, lets just say in Melb the ferals live suburbs away from you BUT in Ballarat you can live in a really nice pocket here but have ferals living in the rented house next door (truely the *only thing* we simply can't stand about living here)

So, DP & i have considered maybe a Catholic school as my older sister & BIL are secondary school teachers and have their son at a Catholic secondary school (which is not where they teach). DP & i are not religious so it's not the religion of the school we are primary interested in ... it's just from my nephews wonderful experience & the recommendation of my sister & BIL that has encouraged us also. DP has a co-worker that neither her or his wife are religious & there DD goes to a Catholic school in Melb. Anyway, i'm don't how it all works ... see how we go when the time comes

Bath what can i say about 'our' Mums ... WE AINT LIKE "EM !!!!! ... That makes you & i the lucky one's ... and more importantly we have survived & are still here. At 16 i nearly ended my own life because of my very own Mother making my life so unbearable in every aspect, i had NO escape & at the time it seemed like the best option ... how damn sad for a teenager to have to consider that ... also i had to prove to myself i was strong & never went through with it ... also i had a younger sister to protect whom when i was 19 tried to get custody of her (she was 14) but couldn't as i wasn't on an adult income & couldn't afford a two bedroom place on my own BUT at least i tried ... and she moved out when legally old enough & lived with me

As for older sister she was too caught up in her own life out of home & visited us only a few times a year, never asking how i am, etc ... Well, as the old saying you can pick your friends BUT you can't choose your family !!