violence and cheating is a part of every marriage

[Rouge]

Violence and Cheating should not be a part of every marriage, whether it's the norm (and goodness I hope not!) or not.

No cheating or violence here, and neither of us would accept that in our relationship. I think your friend sounds very defensive and embarrassed. I would say she really needs some support, but at the same time she needs to want it too. I'm sorry you are going through this, it must be so confusing and you must feel so helpless.

[kirsty_lee]

Wow, sounds like she's just making excuses. My IL's have been married 34 years and never laid a hand on each other or cheated on each other. Same with my parents married 24 years. I agree with Rouge, she does sound embarras and almost like she's trying to justify the behaviour. I hope she is able to open her eyes and see the realtionship for how it really is and get out.

[widdly]

thanks for your take on the situation guys

83, you are right, it is impossible to help those who dont want to be helped.

She made a comment about her son yesterday that he will be a cop, and I remarked "or the one the cops are after". Oh dear, very mean of me, this is why i am stepping back cause I dont have any thing nice to say anymore so i need to say nothing at all. I hope her son does turn into a great citizen but I just cant see how with his father beating up on his mum, having fist fights at his work and growing, supplying and constantly smoking pot. And his mum acting like its all a 'normal' okay part of life .

Anyway, over and out, this thread is just depressing, goodluck to them, time for her to start using someone else.

[Taurean]

Violence and Cheating should not be a part of every marriage, whether it's the norm (and goodness I hope not!) or not.

No cheating or violence here, and neither of us would accept that in our relationship. I think your friend sounds very defensive and embarrassed. I would say she really needs some support, but at the same time she needs to want it too. I'm sorry you are going through this, it must be so confusing and you must feel so helpless.

:yeahthat:

Neither of us would accept that in our marriage or within our extended family!!! We both come from loving, supportive families, me especially. I feel awfully sorry for your friend that she believes that is the norm. It's not.

[Inanna]

Neenee I totally agree with all you say. A great post.

I actually believe that many forms of abuse are "normal" in many relationships. I see in friends relationships behaviors that I would term abusive/manipulative/unhealthy - yet to them "it's just the way they are"... Think about how that is modelled to children and they absorb that & so on and so forth...

The incidences of infidelity are about 60% of marriages - that is massive. There is always the party that does not know... I remember working with a man that was having an affair with a co worker for years his wife was very happily married and unaware...

I think infidelity and abusive behaviors are very very common - more so than we give credit for. An infidel will not openly say oh yeah I get that. They will argue very passionately that it's not okay behavior etc etc etc. Of course there are those that are completely faithful. Those that work on their behavior and aim to not use abuse. However we ALL have the tools to be abusers and infidels! We see it in every day life. It's using the tools to not be abusers that's the trick I think...