Violence and Cheating should not be a part of every marriage, whether it's the norm (and goodness I hope not!) or not.

No cheating or violence here, and neither of us would accept that in our relationship. I think your friend sounds very defensive and embarrassed. I would say she really needs some support, but at the same time she needs to want it too. I'm sorry you are going through this, it must be so confusing and you must feel so helpless.