Oh Inanna, my heart is breaking for your little boy, and also your girls who weren't comfortable with the situation but were pressured to go along with it by adults who should have known better. Even if J&J made the mistake of not realising the impact on DS, your ex- was tipped off by your DD and still pressed ahead anyway.
How horrible for them all
FWIW, it sounds like you have some amazing, mature, insightful, wise children there. I think you should be proud of them and they should be very proud of themselves.
From your ticker I'm guessing your son is 9 or a little older? Given his level of insight does he have any ideas how he'd like to handle this situation? I think you could have another conversation in a day or two, or over the weekend when things have settled from the initial emotional intensity, and see what the kids think. You could take a problem solving approach and get them to brainstorm ideas about how to resolve emotional pain/conflict with others or have some ideas yourself (including doing nothing concrete beyond thinking and processing and working towards accepting it) and see what they think. They sound like bright kids and might surprise you with their take on how to handle it. Even if no action is actually taken, or not right away, this type of discussion with you and his sisters could be quite beneficial to your son.
Some of the ideas I had when reading your post were:
1. DS talking to his therapist about it
2. DS writing a letter to his father and/or J&J to explain how he felt and ask they don't do it again
3. You could speak to any of the adults and politely request that future gifts are either for all or no one (without going into too much detail)
4. DS writing a letter but not actually sending it
5. DD's coming up with some strategies for handling future similar situations (because it may continue now it's happened once) - and I know this would be really hard given their ages but they may feel more confident next time to simply say 'no thankyou'
6. The children deciding amongst themselves that any future gifts are then theirs to share between themsevles later (that may or may not be appropriate or acceptable to your son though).
I dunno if that's helpful or not really. It's such a hard situation, the last thing you want to do is make it worse. I suspect that if you do choose to speak to one of the adults yourself, their reaction will tell you whether it was intentional or a horrible oversight. Emotional pain is part of life. Learning to experience it in a way that promotes growth and leads to a 'better' person is a massive challenge for adults. I am not sure, I don't know your son, but perhaps there is a way to discuss this in an age appropriate way with him - either now or down the track a little. That all of his experiences are going to influence him and the kind of man he grows into. That it's not what happens to us, but what we do about it and the qualities we develop/display (courage, patience, loyalty, honesty, respect etc etc) that is most important.
None of that will take away his hurt though.
ETA - Just re-read your post. His Dad is doing this because he doesn't have the emotional maturity himself to deal appropriately with your son's decision not to have contact. He is reacting like a child would on the playground - you don't want to play with me? well then, I'll get my own back - kind of thing. Perhaps there is a non-attacking way to present this to your son. That his dad just isn't coping with his choice but that it's his Dad's responsibility to chose his own behaviour. It hurst more than it would from a kid on the playground because your son (rightly) expects more adult behaviour from his dad.
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Maybe talking directly to the friends might be one way to go - it should be all or nothing.
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