just wondering firstly if you know for certain they didnt send ds something and xh just threw it out to cause all this drama

no advise though i think kaz has done a great job, and your ds sounds more mature than alot of men out there, you should feel very proud of yourself for such wonderful kids
Good point Serenity about XH sounds like he may just do something like that

I also agree Kaz has some great ideas, and it does sound like you have wonderful kids who seem to be taking after you NOT XH!