Can someone please explain Jealousy to me?

[Tinks]

I don't understand it, I just don't. Maybe it's because I'm not a jealous person, I don't know. I've been doing a lot of thinking recently and the only conclusion I can come to is that jealousy is behind much of what's going on in my life right now.

Everything we have (and I'm not talking about just material things) is from DH and myself working hard. We have put in so much of our time and effort to get where we are today yet to some it's seen as a threat.

Why can't people be happy for others? Why does it make people feel intimidated or angry when someone has something they don't? Why does jealousy consume some people so much that it eats away at them and makes them try to ruin other peoples lives?

[diannescruffy]

Jealously is an awful thing to have. It does eat at people and consume their lives, I don't understand it either. My SIL is unfortunately a very jealous person and because of it is now in serious debt. She has to go one better than everyone else, it is very sad.

Regards,
Dianne

[Inanna]

I think it's helpful to remember that we all have a dark & light side. All of us - from the Dalai Lama to Ivan Milat. We all have it. How we choose to function with that darkness is what sets us aside.

Jealousy is something I think all human Beings have felt - even animals feel it. It stems from believing that someone has what you cannot yourself manifest.

Most of us can reason that quite quickly & turn envy into happiness for the other. Others take a bit of time to reflect. Some don't & it festers into the bitterness that is jealousy.

What I've learned in life is that it's what YOU do that's important. How you deal with that feeling being projected at you.

You have worked hard. You deserve whatever happiness & material things you have. This is not your problem. Don't however focus on her problem. Reflect on other areas of your life that you might need to work on (we all have them - my list is loooooong!). Take the lesson she is giving you. The lesson that we all have a dark side - hers is clear. Now look for yours and shed some light on it.

[blessedatlast]

I am a jealous person and I hate it.. It is due to my insecurities. I am mainly jealous emotionally, with partners (but, much less so when I feel secure) and I am jealous that other people find it easy to get pregnant and I don't.. I don't think it consumes me though.. I am extremely aware of it.. I am not jealous of materialistic things.. ( I don't think)... Interesting thread. Are you really not jealous of anything Tinks? I am jealous you are so secure in yourself lol

[Kazbah]

I was talking to my psych, and she was explaining jealousy to me. She explained that jealousy is a combination of anger and self and others and resentment at others for causing anger to self. She was saying it's a very difficult emotion, and the worst emotion there is. She also said that you can try to explain it to yourself but you can't control / remove it from others.

[Inanna]

I personally don't agree that it's the "worst" emotion there is. It's a feeling we have. All of us. If we label it as bad we fear it and it grows!

I believe most of the painful feelings we have stem from fear. Jealousy is fear too. It's fear (translated to anger) that you haven't got what others have, you can't have it. This then leads us to the recognition we feel less than the other, not as worthy (self esteem).

I think we really do need to accept it as it is. It is. We all feel it or have felt it. It's not bad or good. It just is.

[Tinks]

Blessedatlast, I do get envious, I think everyone does but it doesn't rule my life. In general, I'm happy for people who have what they have whether I have it or not. Does that make sense?

[*LittleMissSummer*]

I am a jealous person and I hate it.. It is due to my insecurities. I am mainly jealous emotionally, with partners (but, much less so when I feel secure) and I am jealous that other people find it easy to get pregnant and I don't.. I don't think it consumes me though.. I am extremely aware of it.. I am not jealous of materialistic things.. ( I don't think)...

I SO could have written this myself.

I have been guilty of being that jealous that i destroyed a friendship, my relationship and made nearly everybody around me hate me. I wanted a baby SOOO bad and when my SIL got pregnant with her 4th i lost it. I called her horrible names, i think i contributed to her PND i will never forgive myself for what i put her through and i'm lucky she speaks to me now.

[Tinks]

Sorry, I've just gotten back to this thread.

Reflect on other areas of your life that you might need to work on (we all have them - my list is loooooong!). Take the lesson she is giving you. The lesson that we all have a dark side - hers is clear. Now look for yours and shed some light on it.

Like you Inanna, I have a list a mile long of things I'd like to work on. How does one find their 'dark side'?

[Bathsheba]

Interesting! I don't have any answers Tinks... just my own personal reflections. I agree with Inanna, we all experience jealousy/envy and we all have a dark side.

When i feel the green eyed monster rising up within me i do my best to reflect on when people have felt jealous of me. I recall how perplexed i feel when it seems as if someone is jealous... because they don't know the full story! Would they still be jealous if they knew the struggles I've had on my life path to get to where I am? Would they like to go through similar? I bet not. So... keeping this in mind i remind myself that whilst it SEEMS that other people have "it all" no body does, really. It might seem that everything has fallen into their lap but i bet it hasn't... there is always a price to be paid, from my experience.

There is a woman i know. She has never worked a day in her life. She is very wealthy due to family inheritance. She seems to have it all. Looking from outside I bet many of her friends are jealous. But I know that she will never have children and that she has an incurable health condition that will shorten her life (she doesn't tell many people this). Would they still be jealous of her life? I don't think so.

Jealousy is a type of "keyhole judging". (refer to THIS thread) You are judging a person yet probably don't know the full story.

With this in mind I find that my green eyed monster starts to return to it's deep cave on my dark side. I often wish i could tell people who are envious of me about the hidden "payments" i have made that they don't see... but you can't go around doing that all the time can you? So in the end it comes back down to just looking after your own spiritual/emotional self and saying a prayer/ hoping the best for others and their ability to look after their own.