Thanks, Jas & MR
You're right, I think I have answered my question getting it all out did help.

I don't want to stop just yet. Emotionally I don't feel ready which probably sounds stupid since I'm not physically BFing, well it feels weird to me to feel like that anyway.

whether I will stop bf at 12months or not and my miond flips back and forth, I guess I have come to the conclusion that I know I can't wean today but eventually I will get to a point where I feel ok to wean. I think it will still be a sad time for me but I will feel like it is a time I am ready to wean?? So maybe its just a matter of going with the flow and weaning when you are ready?
- that is exactly where my head is at I don't feel ready yet but I don't know when I will be.
And I'm sick of night pumps!
MR I love the idea of ditching them & just expressing through the day, that would be great. I am going to have a look at how I might do this...any suggestions welcome (please!) - also, do you think it matters if I do it one way for 5 days & another way for 2 days of the week?

Thanks again