2 or 3

[widdly]

i have been having the same dilemma only im trying to decide between 1 or 2. have decided to wait til Archie is 3 and decide then, that means that if we do have another one there will be a big gap but i know i wont be the kind of mother i want to be if i have a closer gap, i wont cope that well.

i am the same re newborns, they are magical creatures but i like them older so much more casue of the freedom probably - oh, and the sleep!

good luck with your decsion, i know it is an extremely difficult emotion one, whatever your decsion it will be the right decsion for your family.

[*Ali*]

This is also something I have thought alot about latley, I only ever wanted 2 kids, but DH is one of 3 and said he always wanted 3. However, now that we are expecting no 2 I think that it might be it for us, there are several things that weigh on the decision, 1- we would have to buy a bigger house, 2- a bigger car, 3- I love my career and I would like to one day get back to full time teaching, but not untill my kids are much older, which wold be further away if I had 3, things like travel also play a part in our thinking, we would love to be able to take our kids travelling the world and just the extra cost of 1 more child might make this too hard.

Having said that things might change, and I never say never. I guess we wont truly know until we have had DS and see what life is like after that.

[Phteven]

DH and I are squabbling about it at the moment (like right now - hence my 'mood' lol).
He's gone from willing sperm donor to saying he only wants 2 He thinks I won't cope and that we'll miss out on things like travel & holidays etc.
Also I mainly want one more roll of the dice because I want a daughter but he doesn't want one and he doesn't fancy the odds.
I don't want to TTC until Imran is at least 2 so lots of time to make up my mind yet.
I'm just sick of hearing "and you want another one?" every time one of the boys makes a mess or chucks a tanty.

[Tobily]

As much as I would love another baby, I think two will be the limit for us.

I couldn't manage a third child until Toby is at least 3 or 4. This will put me in my very late 30's for another pregnancy. I've had a couple of health issues in the pregnancies I've had that will only be exacerbated by being older so it will make things a bit harder.

Financially three would be a stretch - bigger car, bigger house, all that jazz. But I don't generally let finances rule my decision making when it comes to matters of the heart and soul like this

I'm probably more influenced by the fact that my family unit was the same as what my kids have - there was me and my brother - and we are extremely close. I hope for same for my kids, but the way they fight already is a bit of a worry!

Ultimately I think two is enough for us at the moment and by the time they're old enough that I would consider going again, I doubt I'll want to go back to all the newborn sleepless nights etc. Perhaps if we'd started a bit earlier it might be different, I don't know.

I'm rambling here lol.

[Phteven]

Flea, how old do you mean by late thirties (if you don't mind me asking)? I was originally thinking of waiting until Imran is in school which would make me about 37 when/if number 3 arrives but I'm not sure if I want to be looking after a toddler when I'm 40. Also like I said in the first post maybe the gap would be too big - if it was a girl she would have 2 big brothers and be my little princess but a boy might resent being so much younger (a girl might too lol). I just seem to keep going in circles but TBH I think that DH will end up making my mind up for me. I know I could get up the duff easily enough but I don't want to try for another if he's not willing. I'd be ****ed off if I had parenthood forced upon me so it wouldn't be fair to do it to him.

[MantaRay]

Flea, I think two will be it for us too. Chloe, I also feel that I

want one more roll of the dice because I want a daughter

but I too am

just sick of hearing "and you want another one?" every time one of the boys makes a mess or chucks a tanty.

Could our DH's be twins?

Just in the last week or so, Thomas has started seeming more like a youngest child than a middle child to me. This is hard to explain, but I think I always pictured him as having a younger brother or sister. But now, I can finally picture our family as complete. I still have pangs about having no daughters, but I think I can be at peace with leaving our family at its current size. I haven't told DH yet, let him stew on it for a while longer

[MantaRay]

Chole, I was 36 when Tom was born (but it was only 2 weeks before my birthday), so I would also be in my very late 30s having another one. This has definitely played a part in our decision making. If I was younger, I think we would definitely be having another one.

[Tobily]

Chloe I'd be getting pregnant again at 37 if we were to wait until Toby is 4 - the thought of a toddler at 39/40 with two older kids as well just makes me get grey hairs thinking about it

[Mumsy Wumsy]

Hi there ,
I can relate to this dilemma as I've been in it myself. Before we had kids I wanted 4 children close together. I had my first baby and she had really bad oesophageal reflux. She screamed for hours on end, didn't sleep and had terrible tantrums. I thought then I only wanted one child....and even then most days I didn't even want that!!!! Anyway, about 5 years later we went back for child number 2 so have quite a gap between them. We had another DD and they both get on so well with each other. It was such a good decision to make, however number 2 was not much better than number one as a baby. She screamed alot had silent reflux, wouldn't sleep and wouldn't let me put her down. She was a shocker.

Then when number 2 was about 3 years old I had a number of older people saying to me how they regretted having more children when they could have. They said at the time they felt they couldn't have coped but when they became middle aged and older they wished they had just bitten the bullet and had more kids. This made my mind up for me. We tried for 4 months to conceive child number 3, another DD, and we are so stoked with her. Her older siblings absolutely adore her and as we have such big gaps the children all get on and there is no rivalry. Whether or not this will change as number 3 gets older I'm not sure. I now want 4 children as this last baby has been a dream child. My husband says a definate no. I've actually started a new thread about 3 vs 4 children. I would love people to visit it and comment on it.

As far as the gender of the children goes and the gaps you have between them, children are really adaptable and let's face it, this will be the only life they will ever know so they have to cope with it!!!

I really wish I had that "I'm finished now" feeling.....how do you get that. And I kind of agree with the whole even numbers thing. Unfortunately my husband doesn't.

Anyway, enough rambling.....it's so nice to know a lot of people go through these dilemmas and come out the other end having made a decision in their own way.

Catcha, MW.

[mrsmac]

Chloe I'd be getting pregnant again at 37 if we were to wait until Toby is 4 - the thought of a toddler at 39/40 with two older kids as well just makes me get grey hairs thinking about it

I have to admit that I am 40 and have 3 kids with VERY big age gaps and I LOVE it!! I am so glad I had my 3rd, he keeps me sane when I am putting up with teenage angst!! He plays well with DD2 and adores his biggest sister, there is no 2 vs 1 ganging up cause they are so far apart in age. Yes I know they may not be as close as siblings close in age ATM but my DH and his sister are 13 months apart and don't speak and my brother and I are 4 yrs apart and are really close friends.
I think every family is different and you have to do whats best for you but I am loving 3!