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Thread: 3 children ???????

  1. #1
    mooshie Guest

    Default 3 children ???????

    wanted to ask a question to those out there who have 3 children and are not having anymore.

    are you happy/complete in that you have 3 children?? reason i ask is that i have found alot of people lately seem to always have negative stories about having 3 children - they should have had 4, always one left out etc etc.

    i do have 3 children but of course only 2 with me in this world and we are ttc another child - this will be our last as i will be turning 38 later this year (and that was my magic cut off in my mind - finish having children by aged 38)

    so i guess i want to know the good and the no so good about having 3 children versus say 2 or 4. i guess one thing i can think of is at least with 3 i can stick with the ford falcon and not have to get another car lol, always we have a 4 bedroom house so each will have their own room, but what about the family dynamics of it all.

    thanks


  2. #2

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    I was thinking of posting a similar question, as I am considering the prospect of TTC #3 and having an internal debate over whether to do it or not. In my heart I do want to have 3 kids, but my head is getting in the way with all the practical considerations, like finances, how will I cope, how will my body cope, should I wait until my 2 are a bit older and therefore (theoretically) easier, or is it better to get it over with. As you can see I am having big D&Ms with myself. Anyway I too would like to know what it is like to have 3 or more kids!

    Bon

  3. #3

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    I have 3 children ... and I don't have any problems yet. I made a concious effort to avoid the middle child syndrome that you hear so much about. My big thing is that Emma is very different to Jack & Asha. She prefers to sit quietly and read and do things at her own pace where as Jack & Asha are both loud, rough and ready for anything!!! Emma feels left out sometimes and I guess that is because of her personality!

    As for the car etc ... that is what made it easy for us to decide to have Asha, apart from wanting another baby. There was the room in the car, there was a bedroom in the house ... (that sounds bad but she truly is loved and much wanted!!!) We are at a point trying to decide if we want to have another baby and all of those reasons play a big part in our decision. The new car we would need, the new house (I don't want my kids to share bedrooms, they all need their own space!) the extra money in high school fees etc ....

    I think if you make an effort to avoid the labels etc there is no reason why you can't have three children and everyone be happy!

    Hmmm don't know if I have helped really ... hope so ... good luck

    Cheers

  4. #4

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    I only have one child, but I'm one of three, so I thought I'd share from that perspective... My brothers and I are all pretty different people, and we didn't have any major hassles growing up as a family with 3 kids (at least, that I was aware of!). I think if you want 3 kids, there's no reason why you shouldn't go for it

  5. #5
    mooshie Guest

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    thanks for the responses O

    i have always wanted 3 children it just irks me at the labels etc of the middle child syndrome - i also believe in making a consious effort to make sure none are left out - truly if i had my way i would have 6 children but sadly that clock is ticking and ticking fast lol.

    hopefully i get the chance very soon to be a mum of 3 children and 1 special angel.

  6. #6

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    I know in my heart that I want 3 children, but I guess I am scared to take that leap and actually make a conscious decision to TTC. In a way it would be easier if the decision were made for me, like if we were to get pg by "accident" but that is not going to happen since I am on the pill - I have to make the choice to stop taking it. Sigh. I think I should try focusing on something else before I do my head in!

    Bon

  7. #7
    angelfish Guest

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    I honestly think that the differences between having 1, 2, 3, 4 or 12 kids are small compared to the differences between individual women and families. A family of 2 children can be neglected, and a family of 7 children can each receive ample love and attention from their parents and carers. An only child can be outgoing, and one of 5 can be introverted. Two children 5 years apart can get along fine, while siblings one year apart can fight constantly or practically ignore one another.

    With three kids, I wouldn't worry about one being left out. If two do something together, the other one has an opportunity for some time alone, with a parent, or with a friend (once they're a bit older). Or they may love to do everything as a group of three. Or they may all have very different interests and not do much together at all. Ultimately, you know better than anyone else what the right family shape is for you. If you love and care for however many children come into your life, you'll find ways to overcome any practical difficulties.

  8. #8

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    I have three children, now pg with no 4. The main thing I've noticed is that because Ariani and Shay are so close in age (19 months), they hang out and do things together, and Zaki gets left out a lot. This is aside from how much love we give them, it's just an age thing.

    I don't know if this would have been better had I had another child, I guess it's hard to say. But even me, coming from a family of four children, this happened, so I don't think this is specifically a three child thing.

    I'm grateful though that Zaki will have his chance to be a big brother now.

    love
    sushee

  9. #9

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    Well I'm taking a leap of faith and having a third! I wasn't completely certain it was the right thing but I had niggling thoughts that wouldn't go away so felt that I might as well go ahead otherwise risk deep regret for the rest of my life!

    DH was one of 5, I am one of 2. He would have endless children if he had his way! I figure 3 is a good compromise. Also I totally agree with those who mentioned logistics like bedrooms and cars; there is a room waiting and a spare seat in the car so why not LOL Our biggest financial concern is school fees. Our DD is almost finished her primary private education and we want all our children to have the same opportunity. DH is very motivated in his career so that we can afford private education for three up to year 12.

    I think the dynamics of our family when our third arrives will be okay, if not ideal. Our DD was an only child for nearly 10 years and our second two will be closer together. I don't think our DS will suffer much from middle child syndrome for this reason (and I'll take active steps to make sure he doesn't feel left out too)... much of what I've read suggests he will act/feel more like a first child due to the huge gap with his sister (who acts more like a second mum anyhow!).

    Anyhow I'm really looking forward to completing our family and I'm confident DH and I will provide the best conditions possible for all our kids

  10. #10

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    Hi

    Just reading this as DH and I decided on 3 before we married, now we're back to him wanting 2 and me wanting anywhere between 3 and 5, but I guess we'll just have to see how we feel a bit later.

    Firstly, I have cousins close to my age who are in a three, all girls (They were born 3.80,8.81,5.83 and me and sis were 2.81,4.83). When we were little my sister played with the younger one and I played with the elder two and sometimes we all played together (when the little ones were older). We'd usually see each other twice a week and we had great family dynamics when we were very little. Oddly enough, we had the usual sibling arguments when we were teens, didn't see so much of each other, but now we're more grown-up we're all the best of friends again. There's certainly no middle child thing there as they're all different and loved for it. The only one who treats the middle one any different is my dad's sister, who's 2nd of 3, who used to buy her the worst presents out the five of us after saying she was going to look out specially for my cousin. Well, my cousin used to win the "what the heck is that?" prize every Christmas.

    Second, I'm technically one of three, a middle child, as I have an angel brother. My mum was absolutely obsessed with my brother when I was little. She recently asked about my earliest memory, I had to lie and give my second-earliest because that's nice (sunset - a beach in Trinidad, and I thought for years that Trinidad had pink sea and everywhere else had blue) and my actual earliest memory is my mum talking about my brother and getting me mixed up with him. I've always known about him, that my mum miscarried him then conceived me before his due date, so I've always felt kind of indebted to his death, if not responsible, and I'm sort-of glad I didn't find out when I was older but it does change things when you know about someone dying so you can be here. My sister has always been the youngest of two, but I've been the second of three and had the whole "middle child" thing, especially as mum missed my brother so much when I was little then my sister was so much more clingy and needed attention, I was far more independant.

    But that's a great reason for three! How many times did I wish my brother was around so I could read and not have to entertain my sister, I can't count! How much I was happy to know that he was watching over me, especially driving late at night... he would have been great too to be another chauffeur to my little sister, who's 2 years younger than us and my parents were more than happy to have a drink in the evening so I had to pick her up! She didn't learn to drive for ages either as my parents didn't need to push her so much! I drove more in my learning time (8 months) than she did in her first 3 years of driving.

    Finally, I used to babysit 3 girls when I was a teenager while their parents were at work in the school holidays. Again, three very different girls, three very different personalities, the only thing was the youngest was very much the baby, but before she was born the second was babied quite a lot too, so that's just up to the parents.

    Anyway, thinking about cars, I've pretty much gone back to 3 again as I was wanting 4 earlier this week. My mum was one of 5 and, again, no problems. My great-grandad was the eldest of 13, so I don't see how people think that 3 children means someone gets left out!

  11. #11

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    I am one of three, but I am the baby It was me that got left out of the sibling stuff like backyard cricket/hockey etc "no Kathryn your too young, go do something else" was the common phrase. There is 6 years between me and my brother (middle child) and then 15 months between both my brothers (middle and eldest), so they always did stuff together and never had much time for me.

    My eldest brother went to live with dad when I was around 7 I think, so my middle brother didn't have a very big choice at home and had to play with me, but most often than not he was out with mates anyway and I used to be so desperate to go as well.

    My middle brother then joined the Navy when I was 11 and I became an only child at home, till I too moved out 9 years later.

    Now as Adults my middle brother still is in the navy and I haven't seen him in 14 years, and my oldest brother lives 10 mins away and I don't care if I don't see him LOL.

    So I don't think there was any middle child syndrome as such cause the boys had each other and then there was me.

    Love

  12. #12

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    I am middle child of 3 & I have never quite understood this middle child syndrome? I have 2 sister & we are all only 5.5 yrs appart... I am about 17 months younger than my older sister & my younger sister is 3 yrs younger...
    We were all raised the same, I have always been a tomboy & closest I guess to Dad, we used to do lot's of boy stuff on weekends, not coz he wanted me too, but simply because I wanted to do the tomboy things...
    My Mum is one of 11 & Dad is oldest brother of 3...
    I have just recently talked DH into going for #3 later this year...
    We are similar to Bathsheba in that DD#1 is 7yrs old, Indah is 5 months, so Maddy was an only child for a long time & has her own interests, friends, cool girly stuff that she does & now Indah & #3 will be close in age & so will have their own family dynamics to sort out...

    Personally I think no matter how many you decide to have or not have someone will have a negative opinion... I would also go for 6-8, but I know I am too old for that & we dont have finances to allow it...

    I really want 3 & although DH isnt thrilled, I dont want to regret not having another 1 in the future...
    We are looking at a bigger car, but not too big, the youngest ones will have to share as we have a 3 bedroom house, but I grew up in a 3 bedroom family & shared with oldest sister & then youngest sister, I never minded, we had fights, we were best mates, it doesnt matter how many there are it just happens...
    We may move in a few years to a bigger house, but if not I am sure we will cope, after all, in my Husbands country they all live in the one room... We will staill have it much easier, better than alot of other people & I feel we have more than enough love to shower them with & make them feel happy, loved & confident...

    I cant wait to have our #3!!!

  13. #13

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    I think if you want three children, have them. There is nothing worse than thinking later that you wished you had that third child when you wanted to. I imagine, from reading all the responses here, that there are different family dynamics at work, depending on the gaps between the kids' ages and the gender of the children. In the end, you realise that kids are very resilient and that the loving home is the most crucial factor in any upbringing. It doesn't matter if you are one of three or one of seven - if you know you're loved, you'll be okay.

    My only experience with this has been as a sibling. I'm the eldest of three. My sister and I are close in age (two years apart). Our little brother was born a bit later when I was eight and my sister six.

    He was like a toy to us and a different gender so there was a novelty factor in my brother's arrival. He was also premature as a result of placental insufficiency and my parents thought for a long time that he might not make it or that if he did, he may have something wrong with him. Fortunately, that did not turn out to be the case. He was certainly spoiled to some degree and I know the differences in the way my parents dealt with him as opposed to us.

    He was 10 when I left home for uni and my sister left home the following year so he was kind of an only child during his adolescence. I don't know whether he liked that or not. I kind of think it might not have bothered him. I know that out of all of us, he caused my parents the most worry at times which is something I think was due to their not having been very strict with him. They went from one extreme to another really.

    My mother always said that my brother was a completely different experience to us girls ... she felt that she was learning all over again with him and that sometimes it all got a little too hard (probably why they slacked off with the discipline I guess).

    As for the practical aspects of your question, Mooshie ... the three of us used to sit in the back seat of a normal sedan all through childhood so I'm sure your Falcon will have room for one more. =)

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