Advice on having a second baby...

[surprised]

Don't forget to think about timing in terms of those looooong uni breaks. You might want to try for a due date in Dec so you have him home for 2 full months before he goes back. Although you wouldn't want it to come early and end up in exam time!

[Blondie]

The flying butter: I agree...I am a typical Gen Y and when I want something I don't like to wait but its nice to be on the same page with Hub Best of luck to you. Your DH might be the kind that can't help but focus too much on the negative until he sees his little Son/ Daughter and then its love at first sight

me+him+bub: Wow we do sound similar! HAHA! So true....bubs and hubs keep us on our toes!

Update:

Hubby and I talked last night in bed (as you do!) and we both decided to see how it goes and wait until Nov / Dec this year to take check on how hub is going at Uni, how finances are settling and how we are going as a family. We both agreed that Family comes first, we want to bring a baby into a loving, caring environment. If we feel its the right time then awesome, if not, then we will wait a bit longer. It might be busy and stressful at times, but as me+him+bub mentioned life with children is tiring regardless of other commitments

[Blondie]

Don't forget to think about timing in terms of those looooong uni breaks. You might want to try for a due date in Dec so you have him home for 2 full months before he goes back. Although you wouldn't want it to come early and end up in exam time!

HAHA! So true! And funny you should mention that, my mum said the same thing!

[Lolpigs]

DH and I are having the same discussion we aren't sure when to try for number 2. We are thinking when DD is around 2 years old, but that now seems Sooooo far away LOL. I also want to have all my bubs before I'm 35 so that gives us 5 years. So hard to decide on timing!

[Blondie]

DH and I are having the same discussion we aren't sure when to try for number 2. We are thinking when DD is around 2 years old, but that now seems Sooooo far away LOL. I also want to have all my bubs before I'm 35 so that gives us 5 years. So hard to decide on timing!

Ahh you know I was the same when Aidan was 5 months I thought "yep, I'm ready to do this again" and then as time went by and he got more demanding I changed my mind

2 years does seem like ages when you first is still a little bubba...but believe me time flies! I look at Aidan now and think my goodness your a little boy now! I feel like I could have another now so I'm hoping that I can wait until we decide together. The wait seems hard now, but it just means its more exciting when it happens!

[Blondie]

Hi Ladies I have an update:

DH came into the kitchen yesterday and said "The more I think about it the more I think once I have settled into University we should start trying again - you know to give Aidan a sibling" I have to say, hearing those words were pretty exciting. However it did cross my mind that he was only saying this because our DS is very very possessive of both of us (definitely has "only child" syndrome) and I think DH is paranoid that if we don't give him another sibling then he will be spoilt rotten.

Which is not really why I wanted to have another, but should I just accept that this is his way of saying he wants to have another baby? I guess it is a valid reason for having a second in some opinions.

A lady at my work bought up a good point, she said, its better to have them now than TTC when he is starting out in the workforce and trying to get a job, by the time he is finished we will have a 5 year old and a 3 year old....will be a hell of a lot less stressful than having a new bub in the house.

Also, now that DH has said he wants to TTC I just want to have my merina taken out and go for gold! Must not jump the gun on this one me thinks

Opinions?

[glenny_c]

I say go for it but then I am keen as to have MANY babies!!! lol

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I would wait until your son is ready - for a few years I knew it wasn't right for DS for us to have another child as he just wasn't ready to share. However, he has been ready to share and asking when we can have a baby for over a year now - so even though I've been wanting to TTC since he was 6 days old, it has really been for the last year it has been hard to not TTC. (And I'm wanting the baby for me, not for DS, but him nagging for a baby when I'm broody doesn't help.)

FWIW, it isn't "only child syndrome" to want your parents all to yourself as a very young child, it's normal. And something that should be treated with love. They will grow out of it and not need you constantly soon enough - why push them to not want you in their lives? My little sister was ridiculed for needing parental love and attention while a pre-schooler and often not given the attention, or given it grudgingly. She still struggles with wanting parental attention in the way a little toddler would. And she was never an only child!

Don't ever say you're having a baby as a gift for a toddler either ("give Aiden a sibling"). He really won't appreciate the gift of less time and attention when he needs it. If you're having a baby, be honest - it's because YOU want to have a baby. Having a baby because a child "wants" one... that's why you get a slide in the back garden, not why you have a baby. I know you want to have another child too, but don't put the onus onto your son. What if he decides he doesn't want a sibling later down the line?

And having said all of that - if my DH was OK with having a second child even when Liebling didn't want one - stuff Liebling, this is MY life and I'm having a baby now! So whichever way you decide, it's your decision and that's OK.

[Blondie]

Thanks for your advice The Flying Butter to be honest what you have said is really hitting me hard...I have a lot to think about. Please don't think I'm rude I really appreciate your advice I just have to think about the real reasons for wanting a second and then perhaps I can figure it out

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

S'OK, Blondie - better to figure it out now! And remember I'm projecting a lot of my own feelings about siblings, words and wanting baby #2 as well as trying to think about it from your PoV, so don't let me make your mind up for you.

[chody47]

Oooh, very exciting Blondie! I hope everything settles nicely and you are able to start TTC soon. We're gonna start trying in the next few months too. Perhaps we will be BB and that them this time?

[Kazzo]

It can be very exciting to be at the point of starting to try for another baby and like I said in our babybuddies thread emotions are such a big factor. Can I ask, did you think of TTC before you ever thought that it would be good for Aidan? Does that make sense?

Oh and Chody, how exciting that your getting ready to try again. Will be quietly stalking you again soon I think

[Blondie]

Thanks Chody yeah it would be exciting to be BB! Best of luck to you! I will be keeping en eye out for the annoucement

Kazzo - well I have been feeling clucky for a while - even before Aidan started going through the naughty phase but to be honest I was ignoring the signals that I was giving myself silly I know, but I would just put it down to hormones, or the fact that I was at work and missed Aidan. I think I was scared to feel clucky as I was scared of birth. My birth was quite traumatic for me and this time around I will be choosing to have a c-section and I guess I was just scared of the unknown and scared of the re-cuperation of c-section etc...and I guess that was clouding my vision. I have now come to the conclusion that I am not scared of a c-section and I want to have another baby because I want to complete my family, not because Aidan "needs" a sibling and not because relo's are telling me to have them close. I want to do it for me

I talked to Hubby last night and I made him explain to me the reason's why he wanted another, because I basically told him that having another child isn't going to "fix Aidan's tanty's" etc etc so anyway he had a think about it and then came back to me and said that he wants Aidan to have a sibling so that they can grow up together, look out for each other and to have a playmate to share experiences and life with made me happy to hear from him, after he had time to reflect on it.

The Flying Butter bought some things to my attention and to be honest I felt completely and utterly selfish I never intended to use Aidan as an excuse to have another, I guess in my own mind I was going over the consequences of my actions i.e. Money, Family life, how it would effect Aidan, whether he would like a sibling etc....when what I really should have been doing is listening to my internal voice.

[Kazzo]

I think you have made up your mind and put good thought into it. You don't need to worry about feeling like you are using Aidans behaviour to want another baby, may have just been thinking of it as another reason to start trying and now you know that it is not the real reason, just a thought that you had and TBH I have a friend that is hoping their baby due in June helps quieten down their DS so your not the first to think it and wont be the last but you know it is not the reason you want to start TTC now you just need to make an appointment and then you can get started

[chody47]

Good to hear you've made up your mind Blondie - I'll keep my eye out for your announcement!!! Mine wont be too soon yet, we are currrently planning on starting to TTC in May. We've already got one a month after Christmas, we don't need one a month before too (although, if we get UTD first cycle #2 will be due 3 weeks after DD's 2nd birthday....)

[Kazzo]

Blondie, I was going to say to maybe go and chat with the girls in the preTTC thread. Maybe they might be able to help you talk through things too.

[Lolpigs]

Thanks Chody yeah it would be exciting to be BB! Best of luck to you! I will be keeping en eye out for the annoucement

Kazzo - well I have been feeling clucky for a while - even before Aidan started going through the naughty phase but to be honest I was ignoring the signals that I was giving myself silly I know, but I would just put it down to hormones, or the fact that I was at work and missed Aidan. I think I was scared to feel clucky as I was scared of birth. My birth was quite traumatic for me and this time around I will be choosing to have a c-section and I guess I was just scared of the unknown and scared of the re-cuperation of c-section etc...and I guess that was clouding my vision. I have now come to the conclusion that I am not scared of a c-section and I want to have another baby because I want to complete my family, not because Aidan "needs" a sibling and not because relo's are telling me to have them close. I want to do it for me

I talked to Hubby last night and I made him explain to me the reason's why he wanted another, because I basically told him that having another child isn't going to "fix Aidan's tanty's" etc etc so anyway he had a think about it and then came back to me and said that he wants Aidan to have a sibling so that they can grow up together, look out for each other and to have a playmate to share experiences and life with made me happy to hear from him, after he had time to reflect on it.

The Flying Butter bought some things to my attention and to be honest I felt completely and utterly selfish I never intended to use Aidan as an excuse to have another, I guess in my own mind I was going over the consequences of my actions i.e. Money, Family life, how it would effect Aidan, whether he would like a sibling etc....when what I really should have been doing is listening to my internal voice.

That sounds awesome So glad you got it sorted with hubby and yourself. I think its really important to want it yourself as your child wont thank you like Flying Butter said, least not at first haha!

I wish you all the best with your TTC journey. Hubby and I talked and decided to start trying once bubs is 6 months old. Just because Lilly took a short time to concieve dosent mean it will next time, and it means she will be around 2 years old when the new baby comes we both want a few kids we just werent sure how close to have them together. We both decided we wanted 3, and that we both would not be able to cope with the sleep deprevation if DD got to sleeping through then we had another, so we decided to just keep rolling with the lack of sleep

[Blondie]

Thanks for all your support ladies

Kazzo - I never thought to do that! Thanks for the tip love!

Lolpigs - good luck on TTC in June!! Very exciting yeah I agree, just because the first one was conceived quickly doesn't mean that the second will be but I'm sure you'll have no trouble at all

I will be sprinkling baby dust for you and Chody!!