Do you t hink this is wrong?

[*Efjay*]

I am very anti smoking & alcohol. Dh agrees with me on this but probably not to the same extream as me.

Do you think its wrong to parade around with a beer going on about how you have probably had a beer at every hour on the clock at some point or another. Encouraging your kids (5, 4 & 18 months) to chant along with you "what's the time? BEER O Clock!"

Reason I ask is, this recently went on while I was visiting some people with the kids. Evan goes to school with this family's 5 yr old. ( some of you may click on to what family I am talking about as I have posted about them before). I really was biting my tongue not to say how inappropriate I thought it was to be so encouraging about alcohol. But I know how they may have reacted to this so I just kept my mouth shut & ignored the whole thing.

Evan is pretty aware of my thoughts on alcohol & I hope that he continues to agree with my way of thinking as he grows up.

The other thing I do is bad mouth smoking. Evan has picked this up & has actually told total strangers that they should put out their smoke because its bad for them. I don't pull him when he does this. I know it probably comes across a little rude but he is right so...... It will actually be interesting to see if he says anything to FIL who is a smoker when they visit in a few weeks.

Also, if anyone has some suggestions on how to handle the "Beer O Clock" chant if it happens again around my kids that would be great! Even suggestions on what I could say to the kids (mine) once we are home so they understand that drinking beer isn't as fun & exciting as their dad makes it seem with the "Beer O clock" chant with out actually risking Evan (especially, seems he is known to do it!) repeating what I have said to these parents.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I agree with you, that is wrong. Getting young kids to think drinking too much is just very wrong.

Suggestions... that's hard. I may be tempted to get no-alcohol lager in to give to the kids when they start chanting for beer, they won't like the taste so will stop doing it. But knowing my luck they'll love it and want more.

I badmouth drunkenness, smoking and drugtaking. I hope my DS picks up on these attitudes too!

[Nadine216]

Don't think you are wrong.
I hate drinking and smoking. DH is a smoker, but is not allowed to smoke in the house (even thought he does when I am not home ) and up until last year he was a drinker.

I think kids will grow up in your footsteps and follow your example. If you learn them that alcohol is ok WHEN USED IN MODERATION, because I believe that to ban it completely is also not right, and that it's illegal to use when you are younger than 18, then their foundations is set. If you teach your children the hassards of smoking and warn them of all the bad stuff that can happen when you smoke, they know what they are in for, kwim. Lead by example

About the song. You could try saying: "Well, that song makes no sense." And start another song. We have an Afrikaans song that will fit in this situation PERFECTLY.

The kids walk in a row behind a "wolf" (another kid) and then the kids chant: Wolf, Wolf, what is the time" the wolf answer 2 o'clock. The kids chant again and when the "wolf" feels up to it he/she suddenly shouts: "DINNERTIME" turns around and try and catch one of the other kids, so he/she can be "wolf"

Oh, about what to say to kids afterwards. That is tough, but maybe explain that by being that silly the next day ppl are sick. I know as a child it was terrible to be sick, because you can't play outside. So tell them that when ppl drink too much, they get sick and have to stay in bed the next day with a upset tummy and feeling nauseas and having a terrible headace That way you are telling the truth and so if he repeats it, no harm.

[Trillian]

I don't think it is *wrong* for them to sing it - classless and tacky yes, but wrong no. Its a silly song and by singing it, I hardly think its going to turn the kids into beer guzzling grog monsters BUT as a non drinker it does annoy me when people carry on about how much they've had to drink. I think the kids would learn more bad habits about drinking by watching their father drink to excess all the time than singing along with him (if that's what he does - I have no problems with someone coming home from work and having a few beers).

Like you, I don't like smoking either, but its their choice to do both things and I would never say anything to anyone about what they are doing or force my opinions on them unless it was directly affecting myself or my children - because I would hate to be preached at by someone for something I was doing. All I think you can do is not put your children in that situation so they have to see it and teach them at home what your values are on the subject and never mention that you are talking about someone specific because that way they can't ever say "Mum said you do xyz and thats really bad" etc kwim? If you can't avoid the situation if it happens again when the kids or yourself is around, do what was suggested and start singing another song

[Sammiejane]

I dont agree with encouraging children to sing the song, but children will imitate their parents and other people that they feel influenced by.

DSS use to shake his apple juice in his drink bottle to make it look like a beer with the froth on the top - so that he could have a beer with his Dad. Dh is not a heavy drinker, but does enjoy a social drink - we didnt really see the problem with this as DSS also knows that alcohol is something that adults drink and he has seen the effects of drunk people and understands that alcohol changes the behaviour of people and makes them do and say things that they would not normally do (not that we continually expose him to drunks! )

IMO - and i am sure that many people will disagree with me here, if you have a really strong stance on something and drill it into them, one of two things will happen, they will never try it or they will try alcohol when they are older and be confused as they may like the effects and then question what you have told them.

Moderation is the key here i think, Some parents definatly go too far with exposing thier kids to things, but alcohol and smoking are both legal substances and people have a choice as to whether or not they consume them - as parents it is our job to guide our children to make the right choices by being informed, not scared (im not saying this is what you are doing)

As someone said in a previous post, i wouldnt talk directly about the people to your son, so that he cant repeat it.
As much as you dont like it, people will bring their children up in different ways and your kids will, at some point be exposed to it. Giving them the skills to make the right choices by information is the best way to go.

I am not a smoker, but use to be (i hate it now) BUT if a child told me off for smoking i would think that the child is very rude (unless i was inside or in a car where the child couldnt escape the smoke) and i would be extremely annoyed at both the child and the parent as although smoking is not good and is a bad habit, everyone has the right to make their own choises as to whether they want to do it or not.

I hope that i have not offended you, this is just my opinion - obviously there is some other history with the particular family that i am not aware of that may change this.

[*Efjay*]

Thanks for the replies.
I know that song about the wolf, we use to play it as kids all the time "Whats the Time Mr Wolf?" that's actually a good suggestion because it goes with the idea of "what's the Time" so it would appear that it just popped in my head from hearing the beer chant.

As for smokers, well sorry but that is something that effects more then just the person doing it. If we are within the person earshot to hear mine or my sons comments then we are also within breathing space of the toxic smoke being puffed into the air my child & I have to breath.
But as I said I do agree that adults may find it rude for a 5 yr old to say something about it. But I am also not about to turn around & tell him, No no its ok that they are smoking. Because I believe its not. Its a disgusting habit that does effect more then just the person doing it.

Talking about the after effects of drinking is a good suggestion, I will do that.

Also, the parent in question isn't sitting around getting drunk, it was just a beer while he was out the back doing some gardening. It was more the chanting of the song that bothered me. I don't agree with alcohol being something that is consumed as a normal drink at home either. BUT that is because I never grew up with any in the house so to me that's just strange. Alcohol is something you go out to drink or have for a special occasion. Not that I drink it then either.

But thank you have all given me something to think about.

[Trillian]

I agree with you on the smoking bit - but if they are doing it in their own home, it is very rude to go into their home (even if it is in their backyard) and tell them not to do it because you don't like it. I'm not going to go into it any further than that because we all know about how bad it is, but it is still their choice.

Anyway, I wouldn't expect you to say to Evan, 'no it's ok...' when he says something, but teaching him that there is a time and a place for things to be talked about would probably be a good idea if he's prone to doing things like that.

[*Efjay*]

Oh No, I wouldn't do something like that in someone else's home! Just in public places like the entry into shopping centres.

He does need to be pulled up though on somethings as he is a little forward. But so am I so its hard to practice what I preach KWIM

[shellbell3]

God I think I'm gonna sound bad here but I actually find that song funny.

I don't think its good idea to be bragging bout having beer every hour but the song did make me laugh.

My dad was a heavy drinker and it actually turned me off alcohol seeing him how he was. I rarely drink, neither do my brothers and sister.