Hi Jan!

I'm sorry your mum is unwell- and i dont really have that exact delema with my family- but i dont get along very well with most of my family-

Sorry- huge rant coming up.....all my life i have felt like the odd one out- and the older i got and the more independant decisions i made- the more i felt like i just didnt fit in with them at all- and that partly that it was my fault- but that also partly it was theirs. I felt like i was always the one making an effort to fit in with them- yet they never made the effort to be part of MY life on MY terms- if that makes sense.

It took loosing my babies to make me realise that i dont HAVE to bow to them- just because they are my "family" - a real family shows support and unconditional love- and they didnt show any of that for me when i was going through the worst experiences of my life- they thought it was still my position to accomidate them and their needs- and it took this horrible experience for me to realise- hey no- i need to think about ME and my FAMILY right now- and i couldnt just let them get away with making me feel like i dont have a right to feel how i feel.

So long story short, i havent spoken to my dad since i got upset by something he said and instead of holding it in- smiling and pretending it didnt hurt me- i told him what he said upset me, and he hasnt spoken to me since- that was just before christmas last year. As for my two sisters- their husbands apparently dont like my husband- so we dont talk. I see my brother occassionally - but we dont bring up any unpleasant things- and the only one i still have contact with (quite regularly- talk everyday) is my mum- who left my dad about 10 years ago- we have both been outed from the "family"- but in my opinion- i am ok with that (mum still wishes for more contact with my sisters and brother- i can understand that as they are her children- but they treat her soooooo badly- even she is getting to the point where she cant stand being treated like dirt anymore either) and i consider that me and my mum are more of a family then they are anyway. Even if its just us.

So our family has a huge devide- my mum and me- and my dad and my sisters and brother- and while some people may think its bad- i feel like sadly i am better off without them- they are not nice- they do not show love or support- so i feel they are the ones missing out- not me.

I hope this little ramble helps you a bit- to at least feel like your not THE worst daughter in the world- coz i am sure if you ask my dad- he will say i am!!!

I guess i am trying to say- dont feel bad for putting YOUR needs first- if they arnt going to - someone has to.

Take care
SB