DoubleDee: I certainly hope things won't get as bad for us as they did for your mum. In fact if I had expected it I would not have married this man. He has many wonderful qualities, and that's why I love him and why I have made a lifetime commitment to him.

SaraJane: You are totally right in that I cannot compel him to do anything he doesn't want to do. And his moods are so erratic at the moment that what he wants to do varies hour by hour.

This morning he has promised to go to the doctor in the afternoon with me, but I don't know whether he will come or not, when it comes to it. He has also promised to take his medication (hours ago, he hasn't taken it yet), and to get up and eat something (ditto hours ago).

It is impossible to make an adult do something like take their meds, or get up out of bed. Begging, crying, asking nicely, being loving and supportive: nothing works reliably (not that I can see myself begging on a regular basis - doesn't suit who I am). It's one of the problems with dealing with a sick adult, I guess.

I am not certain that I would put the baby's needs first, actually. I don't think it is going to be as black and white as that. After all: baby needs her Mum and Dad to be in a healthy relationship too. I grew up with divorced parents, it affected me adversely, and I believe that a marriage is not something you give up on easily at all - I vowed to love him in sickness and in health, and I do love him so much, even when he is sick. But it is indeed a set of decisions that I hope never to have to make. There must be a better solution.

You are right that making him see just how serious the situation is is key, and so far I haven't managed that very well, partly because when he's down he won't talk about it and when he's up he doesn't remember what it was like when he was down. But I'll keep trying to get through to him.

Thanks for your comments.