thread: Anyones Parents Not Interested?

  1. #1
    getinmybelly!! Guest

    Anyones Parents Not Interested?

    when we told hubbys parents we were met with silence.

    MIL doesn't like me anyway (I have a child from previous relationship) so obviously I just want his money and to ruin his life, but I thought she would at least try and be happy for her son.

    I don't really care for myself but I feel so bad for hubby. We saw her again at a bbq on the weekend and she didn't say a word to either of us. Aagin, I'm happy with that except for the fact that it hurts Matt.

    My parents are thrilled and try to compensate to hubby for his parents rudeness.

    Anyway, anyone else had this?

  2. #2

    My own mum was a bit quiet when I announced it. Her baby was having a baby !! So I guess it was a wake up call that she is getting old But she soon came around to the idea.


  3. #3
    Melinda Guest

    I haven't had to confront this myself, but I can totally understand why you would be upset because it's upsetting for your DH.

    I hope they soon warm to the idea.

  4. #4
    Registered User

    Jul 2004

    Know exaclty how you/DH feel! When I told my dad i was pregnant with Lily (parents are divorced) he would not talk to me or even acknowedge that i was pregnant for quite a few months. He never even told my uncle and cousins and so i thought that they knew, but then my dad's g/f said he hadn't told anyone. I was so mad and still can't really forgive him for it, it really hurt.

  5. #5
    kerry Guest

    My dad didn't take the news too well. Didn't mention the baby at all for a few months. Considering the circumstances, 28, not married, unplanned and in a rocky relationship (now over) I can't say I blame him. I gave him space and now he has come around, even insiting he knows what I am having, the hair colour and type and the actual date bubs will be born.

    My little sister (20) has really taken the news badly and has even made statements like "I hate the baby", "You should have got rid of it" and will actually leave a room slamming the door if the baby comes up in conversation. I have 2 cousins pg and due at around the same time and she is really excited for them and (it seems especially when I am there) will talk about their coming babies constantly. We have always been very close so yes this hurts. I think its because of my X or possible she feels like she is being usurped by the baby. I have tried telling her that she can be angry with me but she shouldn't be angry with the baby as it is an innocent little person who has never done anything wrong in its life. It didn't ask to be here or be born and all it wants is people who love it. I have also said that if her attitude doesn't change I don't want her in the babies life as I don't want the nasty negative attitude to affect my child. All I can do is give her time.

    With your situation I would just give them some time and space to accept the news. If in a few weeks there is no improvement then I would either make plans for them to not be a major part of bubby's life (which is there loss not yours, your DH or babies) or confront them.

    If you choose to confront them maybe take the approach that while they may not like you too much there actions are only hurting their son and their future grandchild. Don't even mention how much it hurts you too (because lets face it noone likes to see their DH suffer) just that by their actions they are driving a wedge between themselves and their son and making something that should one of the most special times in their son's life angst filled and hurtful.

    Best of luck to you, DH and your kids for a H&H pg and birth. I'm sure things will work out just the way fate intended them too.

  6. #6
    Registered User

    Feb 2005
    out and about

    My MIL is not very interested in the kids, does the whole OOh I love my grandkids act for everyone, but doesnt really look at them ( still doesnt know the difference between the twins ) will only touch them and hold them til they start to move. ( 6 months or so)
    BUT I made it very clear from the start that she was to treat us all with politeness if she wanted to have any contact ( had issues pre kids) so she is always "correct" and attends every significant event. ( has never let them kiss her on the mouth though IYKWIM!!)

    My family make up for it in spades though!!!

    Good luck, I recommend standing up for yours and the babys rights, and demanding the respect you deserve!! They dont need to love oyu, just respect you, dont let them turn you into a victim, a sitiing down and talking would help clear the air.

  7. #7
    Registered User

    Oct 2004
    melton, victoria

    its a real shame isnt it.i cant wait to be a grand parent,me and dh will be the best.i dont have any parents and dhs parents are to rich and busy with there golfing life to make any effort with our children.they really dont have any grandparents,they will only make an effort when it is there bday or xmas but that is so fake and feels like they can still be part of it all by buying them.all they need to do is ring them occasionally or turn up to whatch there sports and things would be different,god we would never ask them to babysit they probably wouldnt even know what to we do it all on our own and we are fine with that.our oldest is 10 so we have had quite a few years to get used to it at first it really hurt and annoyed us.

  8. #8
    Registered User

    Feb 2005
    Mid North Coast NSW

    that is so sad for you, but, as you said, especially sad for your DH. maybe she will come around once the bub arrives, i really hope so. hang in there, and maybe prepare to confont her about it as others have said, if there is no improvement.

    kerry, you must really be having such a hard time with your sister!! i cant understand her being SO insensitive, especially being excited over other ppls pgs but not yours. i really hope she wakes up so that the 2 of you can keep your close friedship. good luck to you...


  9. #9
    Debbie Lee Guest

    getinmybelly - that's such a pity. Honestly, I wish that IL's would learn to put their feelings aside and just be happy for their son or daughter. Sheesh!!

    My Dad is pretty slack. He came to see Gabby when she was already a couple of weeks old. He and his wife haven't been to our house at all to come and see her. Gabby only sees them at special things like birthdays etc. He has bought her a few things and will hold her and play with her when he does see her but, yeah, hasn't made the effort to come and see her room or spend time with her in her own environment.

  10. #10
    birkenhead Guest

    my parents where over the moon when they found out i was having my daughter but when my she was 8 weeks old i fell pregnant with my son and they have never really accepted him.he is an absolute delight.
    they show faveroutism over him for jade and he really doesnt get a look in most of the time.
    its very sad as their grandkids and i am a single parent so i dont get the support i need off them either. :evil:

  11. #11
    getinmybelly!! Guest

    Just an update.

    Still haven't heard from them. Honestly that sort of behaviour is beyond my comprehension.

    Thanks for your support girls.

  12. #12
    froofy Guest

    Yes, in fact I am going thru this at the moment with my parents. I have a topic about it too, lol

  13. #13
    Registered User

    Feb 2005
    Mid North Coast NSW

    sorry to hear they still havent improved. i hope once bub is born they get over it

  14. #14
    Sweetie Guest

    We've got three girls, my MIL said one more and we'd be on our own. Not that she helps with the kids now, never minds then and if she HAS too she can't cope, oh well, each to their own I guess.


  15. #15
    Registered User

    Feb 2005

    Well... my mum and step-dad are over the moon. Didn't react well at first but settled done after all of 24 hours and are quite excited about everything!

    However my dad and step-mums reaction was "You're getting an abortion - this doesn't have to ruin your life". Since I decided to keep Emerson (which wasn't really a choice for me I just knew that I would) they've pretty much been ignorant to the fact I'm pregnant... I almost laugh when I think of what is going to happen when Emerson is born LOL. you can ignore a belly but its harder to ignore a baby hehe!

    DP's parents are the worst (long story) but they blame me for DP's split with his XW and claim that Emerson won't be their grandchild...

    So there you have it - I have denial, ignorance and excitement LOL!

  16. #16
    Registered User

    Dec 2005
    Home of the Winery Walkabout!

    I too have the problem of parents who don't give you any support.

    I have three children from previous relationships.DH is 6 yrs younger than me and is the son of a former millionaire (FIL went bankrupt!)

    When DH and I finally met each other, we had already known each other for two years by phone, we immediately fell for each other. After about a month together, I fell pg. DH was only 19 at the time and was terrified so he went home to "mummy"! As soon as he told his mum why he was home, she turned around and said to him, "She is only making it up that you are the father, it's obviously someone elses, and she is trying to blame you!"Well, DH saw red and two weeks later he was back on the Spirit of Tasmania, coming back to be with me! After staying another 3 weeks on the mainland with me, he had to return to Tassie to sort some stuff out. A week after he went back , he prposed to me over tasmanian radio!!!
    His parents were NOT impressed at all. They called me a cradle snatcher and every other name under the sun, but I still had their son come over and marry me!
    His mum came to the wedding and had the absolute gall to say to DH that instead of marrying me, he should go after my BEST friend!!!
    After Elizabeth was born, we received a big bag of baby clothes from his mum for her.
    When we told her that we were expecting Isabella, there was silence at the end of the phone. A number of times, she rang up and told DH that if he ever wanted a break, he was always welcome back at home!
    When we found outr at the RWH, how sick Bella was, she wanted us to send a 2 yr old on a plane, by herself, to a family she had never met. My reaction was no way straight away!!!!!!!!!! When Bella was born, we never even received a card recognising her birth.
    Over the past year, we have been doing it tough, like many of you girls! DH asked his parents for some money to help us out, (FIL worked as a professional fisherman and was earning $1500 per trip), but there reply was," We don't have any money!" Now she has custody of her 9 yr old grand daughter, receives a pension and even though they are "separated" FIL pays all the bills, where does all her money go!!!

    My parents on the other hand, were thrilled to hear about the pregnancies, and have also taken DH into our family. He is consulted on all family matters and has even given my parents advice. The children adore him and regard him as their dad. Mum helps us out whenever we need it and never whinges about it!