Babies vs Greatgrandparents!

[little_O]

Dd loves people. We have close families so she is always surrounded by her grand parents, cousins, uncles, aunts etc. She also sees her great grand parents weekly. She has always been fine with them until a few weeks ago. To clarify, she is fine with all of them except one great grandmother. Cue hysterical crying and screaming! She knows instantly that its her.

I feel so bad because she's just gotten out of hospital, which we had still been regularly visit while she was there. What can I do??

She's even ok with random older people we meet when we're out??

[Muppity]

I always trust my DD's instincts and don't push her to have contact with anyone she feels uncomfortable with.

It's probably nothing sinister, it is more likely gg's smell or manner or something like that that is setting your DD off but I would just let it slide and it will probably be different in a few weeks.

[MummyNaomi]

We had a similar issue, but it was around the grandparents fragrance which was clearly bothering DD

DD was like this with my MIL (her Nana), I ended up having to ask MIL to stop wearing so much perfume (she drowns herself in it), but positioned it that DD is a bit hayfever prone, sensitive to perfumes (even I only spray a small bit on my wrists). Now she doesn't wear perfume when visiting us (Yay!!)

Now MIL can hold DD without her crying. Although MIL was a bit offended, being able to cuddle her grandkids over-rode it.

[LuluHB]

Do nothing. I never, ever force my kids to endure cuddles, kisses etc from anyone that they're not settled with. Its relatively easy to make excuses when they start to grizzle along the lines of "oh, she missed a nap so she's been grizzly and wanting mummy time", or something similar while you take them back.

My middle girl didn't ever want contact with her paternal grandfather so he didn't get her. Now at 4.5yrs she will give him an extremely quick hug when we arrive or leave but that's it.

I figure I won't have physical contact with anyone I don't like/don't feel comfortable with, so I'm not going to force my girls to

[Trillian]

Respect the baby and what they want, because the adult should be old enough and mature enough to understand that it's not them personally, but that the baby just isn't comfortable. It's never pleasant for anyone to have to endure trying to *force* a baby to be held by someone they don't like kwim - not for you, not for the person and certainly not for bubs! If she's been ok with them in the past, then she will be again, she just needs more time.

[Teeki]

My DD isn't a fan of FIL and has only just started liking my Nana. I've never forced her to hug them or be too close, and if she doesn't want to hug/kiss someone she doesn't. The way I see it is it's her body, and her choice who touches it and how. I want to teach her that if she's not comfortable she can say so.

At this age she's too young to understand the social side of things, and that it's polite to give family a hug or kiss hello and goodbye. That will come, but for now I don't force her and it's easier to explain to the adult. In our case though, there was no explaining needed - no one wants to hold a crying baby who clearly doesn't want you! Nana and FIL will say hello to DD and ask for a hug. If she says no they just talk, if she comes and gives them a hug then hooray But it's her choice, just as it's anyone's choice who they have physical contact with.

[Charlotte91]

DD had a big dose of stranger anxiety at 6mos. It lasted about 6 weeks and then it was all over. It was awful.

[HotI]

Was it happening before your greatgrandnan's stint in hospital? If not, maybe your LO didn't like the hospital scene (smell or noise) and she associates it with your greatgrandnan?

I wouldn't do anything either, just make baby comfortable in greatgrandnan's presence and she might decided she is ok. Having discretion over who you associate with is a good thing!

[little_O]

She was ok before the hospital, even during the time in she was, until about our last visit there she started.

We visited last night again, but I tried it with me holding her (as opposed to DH holding) an she wasn't sure but ok. Then of course she got whisked out of my arms :@ and started crying. Do people really not think I know my child best?? Anyway it's DH's side so my say is slightly limited.

Anywho she started crying again and got given back to me. Prior to being taken I had suggested this time I just hold her until she gets comfortable....

I'd thought about the hospital, so I was going to see if this way worked, and it did a bit till it was forced. It just really baffles me. I asked about perfume, she doesn't wear any.

The 6 month this makes sense to me too. She seems to be starting to favor me now.

I agree about the letting them have their own sense of people. I was raised to be polite but if I felt uncomfortable, apart from a greeting that was all that was expected. I think it's important for them to trust their guts.

If only she could tell me why!!

[HotI]

We visited last night again, but I tried it with me holding her (as opposed to DH holding) an she wasn't sure but ok. Then of course she got whisked out of my arms :@ and started crying. Do people really not think I know my child best?? Anyway it's DH's side so my say is slightly limited.

Nah, she is your child. So your say is ultimate. Time for you to bring out your mama lion and protect your little one.

[LuluHB]

Anyway it's DH's side so my say is slightly limited.

I told my husband's entire family when my DD1 was a few weeks old that one person per visit got a cuddle and that was it. I have no doubt it put noses out of joint but I don't care.

[~TT40~]

Anyway it's DH's side so my say is slightly limited[/QUOTE]

you have all the say. she is your child. the only person whos say comes before yours is hers!!!

6-7month is when they begin to learn/understand distance. that you can walk away and leave her, so its normal for a bit of extra clinginess, couple that with someone she is uncomfortable with = hysterical crying.

[mrscricket]

My girls are very social, friendly little things but they wouldn't go near my dad, and to some extent my mum. We don't see them often, but when we do they would cry and scream. I felt bad because I knew Dad just wanted to hold them but I had to respect the girls. We just didn't push it, he would keep his distance and speak to them gently (he was worried they were scared of his deep voice). This has gone on for about a year now, and finally the other week Claudia offered up her packet of biscuits for Dad to open. I think he nearly cried with joy. I think you just have to allow her to do what she is comfortable with and not let them force themselves on her.

[Teeki]

This has gone on for about a year now, and finally the other week Claudia offered up her packet of biscuits for Dad to open. I think he nearly cried with joy.

That's so sweet! FIL is the same, when DD beckoned him down on the floor to play with her he was so happy, he would have stayed there the entire day lol.