To baby or not to baby?!

[leesha]

It's been said on here before so I will say it again....you never regret the children you have...
And it is totally true! We have number three who wasn't quite decided on but it happened and I couldn't imagine life without him

[LuluHB]

I had a huge long list of pros and cons when we were considering a third. From a purely practical point of view, a third was not a good idea - financially its tough, we're going to need to either move house or extend in some way down the track. Emotionally I didn't do well at all with my first two so that was a big worry for me. Physically I suck at pregnancy so that was a worry with two kids to worry about. I'm old.

Having said all that, I also had the emotional feelings you're describing - despite all the cons I couldn't convince my heart it wasn't a good idea. I had gone years of not wanting a third at all but once it hit me, it just didn't shift. DH didn't want a third but I raised it with him, left him to think about it and he fortunately came around. We adopted a "whatever happens, happens" kind of thing but in no time at all (like after the first month) I knew I really NEEDED that baby.

Flash forward to now and I can't imagine not having my third girl. As cliched as it is, she really does complete our family. She's slotted in so well, despite the lack of sleep, feeding issues etc we've had for months now.

I agree with Leesha - you never regret the kids you have.

[LizLemon]

Meow I could have written your post. This is something that is driving me nuts at the moment.

I agree with what the others have said - you will never regret the kids you have. But having said that I think it is human nature to not regret any kids that you have - it is instinct to love them and therefore you could never regret them.

We have a huge list of cons with a third and very few pros - and the pros are generally "cos I want one". But I think with me the wanting is a desire to go through the baby stage again - when I look at my family I don't feel like anyone is missing, if that makes sense. So maybe it's a matter of working out whether you want another baby, or another person in your family.

I also am looking at what is the best thing for my current children. Sure, a bigger family may bring them more fun and happiness down the track, but in the shorter term they would miss out on a lot in the form of mummy time, travel (which we want to start doing soon once DS2 is a bit older), family outings etc. Even just being able to go to the park or play outside at certain times I fear would be restricted if I had a third as I can't do as many fun things with them while feeding or settling or anything else that takes so long with a little one. My DS1 suffered (I feel) when I was pregnant with DS2 and in the first year because we were so restricted. So I feel apprehensive about the impact that a third would have on my current two.

I also worry about the fact that each new child you never know what you will get - what if I had a child with severe health problems or special needs? Of course I would still love it etc but it would certainly be hard to cope, when already I feel like we are just surviving day to day!

What you said about surviving vs thriving is a pretty good way to put it.

I've probably not said anything helpful - but just know that you are not alone in this dilemma! Only you and your DH will know what is right for you. I think if we let our hearts rule on this decision we would all have about 20 kids, and it's the head's job to put the balance in and make us stop at the point where the added joy of another child isn't outweighed by the extra stress, logistical issues etc.

[Arimeh]

Oh I've faced this decision a few times!!! I thought about it constantly for two months when deciding to go for DD3. Back and forth. In the end, we decided to do it because I couldn't get it out of my head.

And I don't regret that at all. She is an awesome little toddler (well as awesome as toddlers can be lol)

Then we tossed up having another 5. It only took about a week of thinking it over before I realised, nope, I am definitely done. I wanted to concentrate on the kids I have now instead of adding to our issues.

And now the universe has stepped in with other ideas. And now we have to make a decision about something that is really hard.

Like it was said to me, toss a coin - lands on heads, have another baby. lands on tails, don't have a baby. When its in the air you are supposed to realise which one you want it most to land upon!

[*EJ*]

It can be such a tough one. For us DH and I had discussed things after the boys and decided that we were happy with 2. I was ok with this although it did seem like a very final decision to make.

Then we had out most beautiful and wonderful surprise. Initially it was a little tricky to accept and i struggled a little emotionally but she's meant to be with us and i have absolutely no regrets.

She was a challenge for the first year and a half but even still right from a very young age i wanted another baby. But DH won't have any of it. Realisticly we have more then enough to cope with and out lives are so extrememly rich with love and happiness with the ones we have i'm not complaining in anyway. But i love being mum so much i think i'll always want more.

It occured to me just the other day that with the age DD is now she is my 'oldest baby', in the past i have had another one in my arms as well as one her age. It does make me a little sad

But i think what makes me kind of ok with not having anymore now is how happy i am and how well our family works the way it is. The kids are more than a handful but get along pretty well, we all love and care for eachother and i'm not sure what would happen bringing in another little individual into that. DS2 and DD get along so well and DS1 is a wonderful big brother to both, i'm a little afraid of the possibility of changing this. For better or for wrose (not really the right word but you get my drift??)

So as much as i'll never stop longing for another baby in some way i think i'm done, we are so complete as a family of 5 and i have no regrets what so ever.

[onthefly]

I think the heart tends to win out in the end. (But you do need a willing partner, yeah)
DH is not 100% on board with another - we struggle at times with these two, and the past year has been particularly difficult. Our situation is a bit different, though, in that even if we try, it's probably more likely that it won't work anyway. So I'm weighing those odds in when I figure we should just go for it and see.
In the end, I think you make the best of what you've got - whether you have more or don't. It seems to work out.

[Butterfly Dawn]

I had a huge long list of pros and cons when we were considering a third. From a purely practical point of view, a third was not a good idea - financially its tough, we're going to need to either move house or extend in some way down the track. Emotionally I didn't do well at all with my first two so that was a big worry for me. Physically I suck at pregnancy so that was a worry with two kids to worry about. I'm old.

Having said all that, I also had the emotional feelings you're describing - despite all the cons I couldn't convince my heart it wasn't a good idea. I had gone years of not wanting a third at all but once it hit me, it just didn't shift. DH didn't want a third but I raised it with him, left him to think about it and he fortunately came around. We adopted a "whatever happens, happens" kind of thing but in no time at all (like after the first month) I knew I really NEEDED that baby.

Flash forward to now and I can't imagine not having my third girl. As cliched as it is, she really does complete our family. She's slotted in so well, despite the lack of sleep, feeding issues etc we've had for months now.

I agree with Leesha - you never regret the kids you have.

Yes We would agree.
We found going from 2-3 isn't as hard as 1-2. and that 3rd somehow balances things. NOT sure how it works, because logistically- have more kids then adults seems harder. and some days it is, but its great.