To baby or not to baby?!

[Butterfly Dawn]

I had a huge long list of pros and cons when we were considering a third. From a purely practical point of view, a third was not a good idea - financially its tough, we're going to need to either move house or extend in some way down the track. Emotionally I didn't do well at all with my first two so that was a big worry for me. Physically I suck at pregnancy so that was a worry with two kids to worry about. I'm old.

Having said all that, I also had the emotional feelings you're describing - despite all the cons I couldn't convince my heart it wasn't a good idea. I had gone years of not wanting a third at all but once it hit me, it just didn't shift. DH didn't want a third but I raised it with him, left him to think about it and he fortunately came around. We adopted a "whatever happens, happens" kind of thing but in no time at all (like after the first month) I knew I really NEEDED that baby.

Flash forward to now and I can't imagine not having my third girl. As cliched as it is, she really does complete our family. She's slotted in so well, despite the lack of sleep, feeding issues etc we've had for months now.

I agree with Leesha - you never regret the kids you have.

Yes We would agree.
We found going from 2-3 isn't as hard as 1-2. and that 3rd somehow balances things. NOT sure how it works, because logistically- have more kids then adults seems harder. and some days it is, but its great.

[leesha]

The flying butter that's quite sad to hear.,
Meow there is lots to think about but if you aren't in a hurry then way up your pros and cons and have a good think about it

[leesha]

#weigh..not way...Ughhh dam phone!!

[AndiE]

I was lucky in that I knew I wanted a third child and got one. DH wasn't initially keen but must have done some hard thinking because when DS2 was approx 18 months he gave the green light. I don't regret having three at all. But ... I have a challenging son (DS2). He's a typical toddler - I think - but he's what I think is known politely as "spirited". He chucks the longest and best tanties of any kid I've ever come across ... but only at home. Socially, butter wouldn't melt in his mouth! And that's just one aspect of his behaviour. So from that perspective, I find parenting three kids very hard on some days.

But I think if you're unsure, you need to weigh up all factors - your other children, financial impact, your and DH lives now and down the track etc. For me, it was just something in my gut/head/heart ... I just "knew" at two children I wasn't done. But I had the full support of DH. Sorry I can't help you with anything more enlightening!

[Cassius2]

we were sooooo in the same headspace as you Meow.

for me the Big Thing holding me back was the possible re-emergence of the PTSD and PND, even after DD2 was born and we had awesomeness from day one.

then i had an oops BFP...we were still deciding on whether we should start deciding and she is now a thriving almost 3 month old and I am SO SO thrilled to have her...it definitely filled the gap in my heart....and my back seat

I'd say totally go for it. Don't overthink it too much...remember where there is love for one, there is for two and there is even more waiting in the sidelines for number three or more.

[meow]

I know we have the love. That is something that makes me want another baby... I looked at our beautiful, happy, well loved little ones and I want to add more children to that.

But do I have the sanity? The ability? My eldest is easier now than he was when my youngest was a baby. But he's still not easy. I had to carry him from the car to the house yesterday in a major meltdown. That's why I didn't even get out of the house last baby. Not enough hands to safely manage a little bubba and kicking, screaming child. Our youngest is almost easier than our eldest now so I'm wondering if perhaps he's at least "easy" then maybe I could do it. But I do get nervous about PND due to the stress. It seems like a lot of pressure to put ourselves under as a family. Perhaps I'm best to devote my energy and resources to the children I have?

[Cassius2]

Do you have to decide soon? Would there be comfort in you and DH saying to each other: 'definitely up for the possibility, let's check in a bit down the track?'. would that take pressure off having to imagine having a baby right now?

FWIW my DH reckons ya should we love you peeps.

It is hard though being a parent without the big family support and that is without the necessary demands of a kid that needs a bit more one on one parenting. But to be held back by this is tough and my gut reaction would be to go forward...

do you have any in your circle that you can look to for positive role models (ie other families at Mr Es school that have gone on to have the larger family)? that is how i kinda do my imagining ITMS...

[Rumpleteaser]

Why make the decision now. Be content with what you have and see how you feel in 12- 24 months.
I'm embarking on life as a single Mum, I have two lovley boys and I'm not ready to say I'm not having any more. I don't even have a man in my life let alone one who wants children. I may never meet that person, I may never have any more children, I am content at the moment. Give the children you have all the love in the world and life will give you a sign.