Disciplining Toddler - where to start?

[Visitor8]

For the sake of your sanity, when your feeding you can put bub down and tend to her naughty behaviour. This is what I've done with all my boys and they knew that just because I was feeding, didn't mean I wouldn't put them in the corner.

FWIW I used the corner from a little over 12 months Worked wonders and still does. One mention of the corner and they start behaving.

[kelebek]

I agree with minimising the use of no and don't and try to use other ways to talk to DS for instance if he is going for the stereo I will say to him to "away from the stereo and come play with this or cuddle me" or whatever...

A suggestion for when you are feeding, can you set up a couple of little boxes that have some stickers and a book and some little snacks like my DS loves, loves sultanas so a little pack of them would be perfect. Then you could give it to her while you are feeding to keep her a little distracted while you are feeding...

I think they can learn not to touch but I don't think it is always a wilful defiance, I think that they are getting attention from it as well as testing of your reactions and boundaries and they just can't help themselves... I also agree that if you leave something within reach then there is always a chance that it is going to get broken so move it. Just my opinion and I have a dp that doesn't always agree

[Crystalwings]

I think it's really important to be consistant and if you say you are going to do something - follow through!!!
I agree with you that young children find it difficult to understand that if you can play with something (such as phone etc) then why can't they? They are egocentric and therefore it is in their nature to try to get to things that belong to mum and dad. I'm not saying that there shouldn't be boundries, only that your df needs to understand what is age appropriate for a 1 yr old. I think time out can be effectively used from 2 onwards, depending on the child.
Instead of saying no and don't you could try saying 'stop' instead. It still has impact but isn't as negative.
Good luck HTH

[amberj]

Just subscribing so I can read properly when I have time because DH and I have this exact same debate!!

[Nelle]

Leesa, I remember feeding #2 and #1 looking so darn smug because he knew he was untouchable while I fed - so I started getting up with #2 still attached. You should have seen him! Haha. So after awhile his behaviour improved during feeds because he knew I could get up.
It also helped to bring a book or snacks with me, so if he was looking cheeky during a feed, I could coax him over to sit next to me and read or eat.

[Crystalwings]

In regards to feeding i have heard that it can be helpful to have a box of special things for your DD to play with that only comes out when you feed. It might contain some stickers, a special doll etc. Maybe she can even help to choose some of the items. This way she is feeling like she gets something special at feed times to and it's not just all about the baby getting mummy's attention.

[Inertia]

I went through this debate with my DH too.. Sadly they are so determined to be right it will take them a couple of mobile phones and digital cameras to learn the very simple fact of - if you don't want it broken, put it up. It doesn't matter what they do and dont understand, it really doesnt. Its dangerous - lock it up. Its expensive and fragile, put it out of reach. Just because they know they shouldnt touch it does not mean they wont - ever.

Plus - it teaches them what they can't touch in a positive manner. You don't have to yell at them for touching it - they cant. You don't have to smack their hand if they damage it - they cant. But they can't reach it so they know they can't have it. Has worked wonders for us.

I don't think they ever grow out of touching things they know they arent allowed to. As they get older its less about willful defiance and more about fully believing that mum and dad don't trust them but they know they wont break it - so.... Discaplining about that is just going to be a never ending cycle of frustration and tears which can be spared by just putting it out of reach in the first place - and accepting that the TV is gonna get dirty and maybe a little bit broken. LOL

[fionas]

Yep, I too work on the principle that if it's valuable it's the parent's responsibility to keep it out of reach.

Plus I think some kids are 'better' than others at learning that some things shouldn't be touched. I think some naturally do as they're told and some are slightly more curious. I know mums at MG who say they only had to say no a few times and their child stopped touching. Well, I've said no consistently literally hundreds of times and the only thing it achieved was making me and DD miserable. So I don't think it's always about consistency - it's about the child's nature too.

So I've chosen to choose my battles, we're a lot happier for it and DD will give stuff back to me when I ask now instead of chucking a tanty.

She's also very good at knowing that she really can't climb all over me when I'm drinking a cup of tea!

[Macca79]

If you really don't want her touching it, put it up out of reach. While she is learning what is ok to play with and what isn't 19 months is still very young. Get your DP to ask his parents if he was any good at not touching at that age. While they look big they are still also in their babyhood at that age.

Also at the end of the day how often do you want to be telling her don't touch, eventually if you say it too much she will just switch off to you and you will feel like a broken record. And if you have another little person in the house explain to DP that you just don't need the extra work and it's no hassle for him to put his phone higher up really.

[Inertia]

Yep, I too work on the principle that if it's valuable it's the parent's responsibility to keep it out of reach.

Exactly. The best way I came up with explaining this to my DH was thusly.

Go to the shop, park your car, leave it open and the keys in the ignition. People are old enough to know they shouldn't steal it just because its there. Let me know how that works out.

Gotta take responsibility for your stuff.

[shellbell3]

We always tried to move things out of reach, I don't think you can blame a 19 month old for touchinh something interesting if we've left it out.
We kept our no touching things for things we couldn't really move like the DVD player, tv, that sort thing, last thing you want to be doing is saying no touching all the time cause they will then just not take any notice. So try pick your battles.

Discipline wise at that age I used to remove her from whatever she was doing and use distraction methods, like we don't play with the tv lets play with this instead, if she kept going back to it then I would move her into a whole other room which she hated and would stop doing it.