I couldn't have smacked if i wasn't angry. It's one thing i struggle with - do you parents who smack REALLY calm down and then when you're flat calm smack? If i'm calm it never strikes me that i'd WANT to smack. And i DO want to smack when i'm enraged, it's just i have only once done so, you know? Like say DD draws on the walls or mirror (her favourite just now). If i'm enraged i think "MY BLOODY FLOORS!" and want to smack the crayon out of her hand (though i don't, i take 10 deep slow breaths to calm down and then deal with it), if i'm calm i think "WHY did i leave her crayons out again!?" and say "DD, we don't draw on walls, we draw on PAPER" and provide her with some. I don't get how i could hit her if i wasn't angry - i really don't like hitting though (between anyone) so maybe that's why.

Also, this is going to sound really weird but when i was 14 i went out with a guy (he was 20) who knocked me about a bit and i actually preferred it in some ways. I know, it sounds awful, but if he was angry with me he would guilt-trip me and cold-shoulder me and generally create a really awful atmosphere. If he slapped me it would be over with. I used to be glad if he slapped or pushed or punched me that it was over with, and i'd be worried about that with a kid, that they were preferring a smack as a quick resolution to something without real consequences...?

I found a clip on Youtube of a young man on Dr Phil (who i can't stand, btw!) here which really highlights to me the reason i think hitting is not for us. There seems to be a dynamic whereby they fight about who hit whom HARDEST, and how one hit is worse than another, and it is clear the boy is very very upset with his mum. I felt awful for them and wondered how the loving dynamic you want in a family had become so out of reach for them.

Bx