I smack my kids.
However, I think the absolute essential point of ANY discipline method that you choose is that it needs to be accompanied by teaching, administered in love, and applied consistantly! Your children must understand that you are not venting frustration on them (that's abuse!) or getting your way because you are bigger, or they have pushed you beyond the point of being reasonable, or whatever. When you give a clear instruction, your children should know what is expected, and know what the consequences will be if they don't obey. They must also know when they are disciplined that it is because you love them, and you want them to bring them up well.
Discipline, in whatever method you choose, will be effective if you use it in that way. When you put your foot down, mean it. But don't be a crazed parent striking out whenever the mood strikes you, and calling it discipline!
Also, I don't think it's right to use an instrument to strike your child. If you use your hand only, only on their bum, you can strike to sting a little, but never to really hurt them!
As far as confusing your children about hitting others and being smacked - I was never confused about that, and my children are not either. They do not smack each other on the bum. When they hit, they are hitting in anger at faces, arms, legs, etc. Smacking on the bum for discipline is not done in anger.
I couldn't have smacked if i wasn't angry. It's one thing i struggle with - do you parents who smack REALLY calm down and then when you're flat calm smack? If i'm calm it never strikes me that i'd WANT to smack. And i DO want to smack when i'm enraged, it's just i have only once done so, you know? Like say DD draws on the walls or mirror (her favourite just now). If i'm enraged i think "MY BLOODY FLOORS!" and want to smack the crayon out of her hand (though i don't, i take 10 deep slow breaths to calm down and then deal with it), if i'm calm i think "WHY did i leave her crayons out again!?" and say "DD, we don't draw on walls, we draw on PAPER" and provide her with some. I don't get how i could hit her if i wasn't angry - i really don't like hitting though (between anyone) so maybe that's why.
Also, this is going to sound really weird but when i was 14 i went out with a guy (he was 20) who knocked me about a bit and i actually preferred it in some ways. I know, it sounds awful, but if he was angry with me he would guilt-trip me and cold-shoulder me and generally create a really awful atmosphere. If he slapped me it would be over with. I used to be glad if he slapped or pushed or punched me that it was over with, and i'd be worried about that with a kid, that they were preferring a smack as a quick resolution to something without real consequences...?
I found a clip on Youtube of a young man on Dr Phil (who i can't stand, btw!) here which really highlights to me the reason i think hitting is not for us. There seems to be a dynamic whereby they fight about who hit whom HARDEST, and how one hit is worse than another, and it is clear the boy is very very upset with his mum. I felt awful for them and wondered how the loving dynamic you want in a family had become so out of reach for them.
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