Embracing Children's Failures

[BellyBelly]

What should you do/say when your child feels like someone has done something better than them? When they leave their reader/drinkbottle/other at home by accident? This clip gives an interesting perspective on what happens in those situations and more, especially for those of us who automatically jump into protection mode!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6Y5j5sMs8w

[Lulu]

I'm a bit caught up in that language actually. I don't consider leaving a drink bottle/jacket at home a failure. I also don't think someone else winning the race a failure either

To me it's aaaalllll learning. If you leave your jacket at home, you get cold. I don't tell them off for forgetting something and if they are cross about it (or like Mr ASD, blames everyone else) I ask what we can do next time to change the outcome.

If they want to swim as good as X, I ask what they can do to make that happen. For eg. If it doesn't work we see if there is something else they can do/try.

I also let them see my 'failures' and don't berate myself and carry on. I say Oh BUGGER I burnt dinner because I was on the phone - maybe I shouldn't answer the phone when I'm cooking! I like to involve them in anything we do around the house, I explain why I do things and if they want to help I usually ask what they think we should do next during the process.

I'm aiming at getting them to think for themselves and not be afraid to try something new or a different way of approaching a task without feeling like a failure if it doesn't work the first or second time.

I'm a bit of a spectator parent actually

[BellyBelly]

Thats the message they are trying to get across though aren't they, that it's all learning and growing and not to make a big deal of it? Well that's what I took from it! And sometimes you have to use language to attract people so they know what you mean. I have to do it all the time with birthy stuff

[Lulu]

Yeah....I did try my best to avoid getting tetchy *grin

Although attracting more people is a good thing in the end. Xp and family are the kind that get caught up in the "now look - you have forgotten your jacket so now you will catch a cold and DIE" or "aren't you silly, look what you did"

and I'm just a shrugger - ah well, hope you don't get too cold *shrug. Or "oops, maybe we can try something else instead" *shrug

[megs]

I just watched that clip, could see the message that they were trying to make, and must say I do agree, and Lulu I try to a spectator parent like yourself. They have to learn that mistakes happen, things don't go to plan, and of course consequences of their actions. Sometimes I find this parenting gig so overwhelming, I really want to try and do the best job possible to make my boys strong, reliable and independant men but sometimes outside influences can play such a big part in their lives. I have grandparents similar to yours Lulu always trying to pick up the pieces for them. e.g I encourage my children to pack up toys from grandparents before we go home. There answer, oh its alright we will do it. Ummmm not the point and not helping them learn good values