Thanks for the input ladies, there are lots of varying answers out there.

My MIL and FIL work their butts off to keep their family together and to make family occasions meaningfull. Not all memembers make this easy. My DH is guilty of being happy to skip occasions but it is me who will say 'no we should go'. His lazyish attitude and the way my brother is seaming to be made me wonder about the gender side of it.

I feel it is important to keep the family unit together in some way especially now there are children involved. Their relationships as cousins are important to me.

I also have this memory of my grandparents being this magical part of my childhood and i want that for my kids.

I am starting to think that i am a very family orientated person and the hopes and expectations i have maybe aren't what everyone else has.

We never had a whole lot to do with my dad's side of the family and i think that has something to do with them accepting my mum. It's only recently that they are in touch with us again and i think the children (our chidlren) have a large part to do with that. We barely knew my grandmother on dad's side but now she really wants to know her great grandchildren.

There's heaps of people out there who will keep the peace and not say anything just to keep the family peace, what ends up happening then is there's a big fat elephant on the christmas table instead on genuine family catching up kwim?
cherished1 i know what you are saying about the keeping the family peace and issues that can arise within families. No one wants the big fat elephant as a member of their family but when it comes to family i would do my best to sort whatever it is out to keep that family unit going.

Family really does come in all shapes and sizes