I think you have misinterpreted her (although I do think there are issues in society around gender roles) - she may have a current partner in mind who she already knows what his career aspirations are and that they wouldn't involve him taking up a primary caregiver role and she may be completely supportive of his career - so if you are in that situation if you know you want kids, then the issues you have outlined about your profession and having kids are very valid. When she said "Yes, but if he wasn't prepared to do that, wouldn't it be really hard to have kids and be a lawyer?" - I see her as actually asking if you are with someone and you get to the point of deciding whether to have kids or not if your partner wasn't prepared to take on the primary caregiver role (who knows what career they might have) and you were a lawyer - could it actually be managed? Would it actually be likely to lead to a joint decision not to have kids.

There are two people, two careers - is it possible for both to have a career - yes certainly, but it does somewhat depend on the careers of each party - not everything fits well together (or with peoples ideas about parenting). Maybe she doesn't have a partner at all - and who knows the career of the person she would end up with - if she already knows she definitely wants kids - then really she is just covering all bases about finding out what would be the implications if she ended up with someone who wasn't going to be primary caregiver (the other person might not even be a man). PN - you have been with your DH a long time, so have followed the path together - many people meet people much later in life with established careers, wanting to know how it might be if you ended up in partnership with someone who has an equally important view of their career to you - seems entirely sensible.

I really think she was asking a general question of "but what if your partner isn't prepared to be the primary caregiver" - as in at the point you are thinking about having kids - what then, what would that mean, would it be doable, what would be the implications?

Of course maybe she said more than you have written that really did suggest the "screw this malarkey, I’m heading off back to work” - man makes the unilateral decision angle.