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Thread: grandparents and feeding baby

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Apr 2007

    Angry grandparents and feeding baby

    hi all.. i have a big problem with my in-laws and not listening to what i say about feeding food to maddy! ok it was easter time and she was only 4 months old and they gave her white chocolate frogs as a present, mil said its for when she is getting teeth(which is now) and you put them in the freezer so they are cold.. i said thank you and put them in my bag! (no w in hell will i give a 4 month old baby chocolate) well they all started saying give her some now and wouldnt let it up and i kept ignoring them at which i gave dh a evil look like are you going to help me when they were not looking.. he told them NO! but you would think these people would give up.. the started with you are mean and telling baby arnt mum and dad mean(while im holding her!) and on and on and on about it! luckly dad stepped in and told them i said no.
    well about a hour later mil is holding baby and chocolate biscuits are on the table she picked one up and held it in her fingers(wasnt sure what she was doing) and then put the biscuit down well bubs grabbed the hand(she is mouthing everthing at the moment) and pulled it to her mouth!! mil yelled out look daddy look, well dad said NO again she laughed and ignored him and did it again and then dad look which stage dad daid NO again and got up and took baby out of her hands!! i was fuming that she has no respect for what we say!!! like is she crazy baby has only had farex and pears so far..
    there is so much more i can go on with about my in laws.. the have no respect for what we say ans becayse they had kids 25YEARS AGO they know all!!!!
    am i over reacting ??

  2. #2


    You're not over reacting - hell no!! Who gives chocolate to a 4 month old?!!
    I feel your pain - a while ago I asked MIL not to give my son any M&Ms because they're hard and chokey. The silly ***** waited until he was in the kitchen behind my back and then gave them to him. Of course I knew about it because he bought them to me - grrrr. And this is the woman DH wants to hand my children over to for baby sitting!!!
    She also does that horrible thing where they talk to the baby but it's directed at you too so I know how annoying it is - sometimes I feel like doing it back but nastier "oh is your stupid grandmother talking **** again?"

    never mind me its been a bad week........

    I totally agree that your ILs should respect your desicions even if they don't agree with them you're the Mum so you're in charge. Of course there is a place for grandparents to spoil thier grandchildren but not when it's undermining thier parents.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Penrith, NSW


    No way are you over-reacting!!!! I would have kicked her butt out of my house. Firstly babies digestive systems aren't built to cope with basic solids (like pears and you're giving) til 4-6 months in the first place. Do they want your child to develop diarrhoea, vomitting or have stomach cramps from the 'treats' they want to give her???

    My DD was discovered to actually have a severe dairly allergy at about 8 months - so if that had've been my DDwith your MIL she could very easily have died from that experience - seriously. I have to carry an epipen with adrenaline in it to jab her with and then rush her to hospital if she injests the smallest amount of dairy. So your PIL need to understand that children can have very serious allergies so they need to keep all food away from YOUR child until you give permission that a food is safe.

    And chocolate - COME ON!!! Children have enough time to enjoy sweets and chocies etc... in life - why do people think it's necessary to introduce it to babies??? My daughter is almost 2 and she has never had a lolly, chocolate (even dairy-free ones), soft drink because my DH and i want to develop healthy eating habits in her and want to give her body the best start in life.

    I really hope you can make it very clear to them that they have absolutely no right to give your child ANYTHING unless you have provided permission. And never should they bad-mouth you infront of your child. They need to gain your trust otherwise how are you to ever allow them to mind her?

    Good luck

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Moura, QLD, Australia


    totally not overreacting I know I will come up against the smae problems and I can tell you I will walk out of the house with Jack if they did anything like this to him

    just take your baby and say if you will not respect our wishes you will not have contact with her be firm...........

  5. #5


    Not over-reacting, but it is a thing with that generation. MiL is the only person I know with grown-up children who doesn't advocate chocolate at 4 months! I've had huge arguments with my mum about it and don't trust her to look after DS without me there.

    Dach, good idea about telling the baby grandma is talking crap - I may do that to random strangers in the street with rude comments!

  6. #6


    You are most certainly not overreacting...what the hell is it with that generation and sugar???????????? My ILs better not try that or they will be out on their butt.

    On DDs first easter, a great aunt of mine insisted on buying her an Easter Bilby made out of white chocolate, I told her fine if she wanted but it would just be a waste of money as she wouldn't eat it. DD was almost 6 months old and still exclusively breast fed, hadn't had any solids. This aunt comes over and then asks to hold DD. To my horror when I looked about 10 minutes later she had opened the white chocolate bilby, broken off tiny bits and was putting them in DDs mouth!!! I grabbed her really fast and cleared out her mouth and BFed her as I was so afraid of a reaction.

    Aunt gave me a dirty look and didn't ring or visit for 6 months, apparently I had been 'most rude' and 'offensive'.

    She's lucky she didn't stick around for me to recover from the shock, she would have heard a lot more!

    I would be calling your MIL and telling her to stop ignoring what you say or she won't be allowed to hold your DD as you can't trust her!

    Oh, the hormones are raging tonight

  7. #7

    Join Date
    May 2004


    Nah you're not over reacting!
    My dad also wanted to give chocolate eggs to my six month old at easter - luckily for him my stepmother has half a brain when it comes to these things and told him not buy them....
    He always fills my two year old up on sweet things and thinks its funny that I have to deal with her feral behaviour for hours afterwards as well.
    No advice, just sympathy

  8. #8

    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    In my own private paradise


    no, not over reacting at all! how difficult is it for people to respect parents wishes when it comes to their kids?

    i'd be giving them a piece of my mind - big time (and i'm no quiet little mouse either!!)

  9. #9
    paradise lost Guest


    My MIL rarely sees DD but i've seen her SMOKE with my 2 year old niece on her lap so i'm not at all sad about it!

    My sister asked if she could send DD an easter egg and i was like "send away, i could do with some chocolate" making it clear DD wouldn't be given it.

    I want DD to have healthy eating habits but not be obsessive so nothing is off-limits but things like chocolates etc. are for a rare treat (i.e. so far she has had chocolate twice, once, on her birthday, she had a suck on a chocolate cake decoration - it WAS her cake afterall, and once since i've given her a crumb of chocolate when i was eating it) and fruit is her regular "treat" food. SHe's next to me now chomping on strawberries :-)

    I just know if i left her with MIL or SIL she'd get stuffed full of crisps and chocolate biscuits and crap and come back feeling rubbish and sicky :-(

    Makes it tough though - i'm a single mum and so far only XDP has had her, she's never been babysat....


  10. #10
    Mimi's Mum Guest


    I don't think your overreacting either. I've been wondering the same thing about my recent experience at our daughters christening. I had to start buba on solids at 4mths and at 4 1/2mths my sister in law (lovely as she is and a fantastic parent) was feeding her garlic bread one night - i didn't have the balls to say anything so i let it be. We had our concerns about people feeding her at the christening but just agreed if we saw it we would say something. So as we were leaving i was told by my neice that they had been feeding her bbq shapes (serious choking hazard and no nutrition - might as well been chewing on cardboard), i couldn't believe it she was only 5 mths old and has only ever had natural food by this stage, thinking back now thats why she wasn't hungry for her booby juice for 2hrs after she was due for a feed.
    Then later on i caught out of the corner of my eye both sister in laws feeding her caramel tart, i had to say something but i still don't think the message was understood. Then i was holding buba and my MIL put some caramel tart on her finger and was about to put it in buba's mouth and i had to pull her away. I also copped the "your a nasty mother" speil and thought no i know whats best for my daughter and the longer i can hold her off artificial crap the better.
    Two things that really p****d me off is:
    1. although i love them all dearly, i don't know where their fingers have been, i'm not anal about germs but other peoples fingers even mine should be washed and really only my fingers should be in our daughters mouth.
    2. (if i hadn't have noticed them feeding her) was anyone going to tell me as they were leaving what they had feed our daughter - no, and if she had had an allergic reaction to something i wouldn't have known what she had eaten.
    I just can't believe people think this is ok to do, i'm sorry i am just so angry, to me it feels like someone has breastfeed my child (i'm sure this is overreacting but it's just how it feels).
    Keep standing up for yourselves girls as "Mother knows best" (takes a while to realise but when you do - look out)

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